I like to re-read some of my past journal posts. Maybe it's nostalgia, but I find that some of the hard lessons that I've learned in the past 2 years still ring true today. I read posts from May 2012, the time that I filed for divorce, and I see a lot of wisdom in the posts. I also remember the intense feelings. It's been almost 2 years and the divorce is not finalized yet. I won't go into the details of why I think that it or why it is; it just IS. Enough time has passed to read those posts and think about how far I've come and about how much I've learned.
I'm not sad that I filed to end my 15 year marriage back then and I don't feel any guilt. My sons are doing remarkably well and I am happy with my life. There have been some recent bumps with work, but my sons and I are doing fine. We are actually better than fine. I realize now that the issues that I had in my marriage only grew as the years went by because I refused to deal with them. I figured that they were solely my issues to fix and I know that is not the case today. But, for my part, I turned a blind eye to them even though I knew that they were there.
I do not have any regrets. I would marry the same man because I would have the same wonderful children. And, in the end, I would learn the same lessons. My former therapist, who I keep in contact with from time to time, expressed in a recent email that she "was surprised that the divorce has lasted so long, but [I] knew that it was going to be a difficult fight." She also reminded me that my happiness was "hard fought and deserved."