I haven't written in a while and it was done on purpose. I figure there is enough "doom and gloom" on the Internet without me adding any more. And, while I'm still a bit on the gloomy side I thought that I'd write something - mostly for my sanity.
I'm looking for a new job again because I'm unbearably unhappy. I know that now I shouldn't have left my last job for the current position that I have. I was afraid that I would end up having to travel before I was ready and I was afraid that I would catch heat from family and friends if I kept my job where I traveled. I'm an idiot - I know now that my old company wouldn't have made me travel before I was ready and that I've never really listened to what other people thought.
I have some opportunities that I'm working on - one of them is teetering on falling apart. I have to be patient and wait for the final word on what is going to happen. But, as always, waiting is the hardest part. In the meantime, I feel stressed out and sick and unhappy.
I'm so stressed out and sick and unhappy that I've stayed home from work for the past day and a half with some sort of weird stomach virus. Yesterday was my birthday and it was one of the worst ones in a long time. I've lost about 6 pounds from the stress alone. Not such a bad thing, but I know that the weight will come back after all this (knock on wood that it will be over) is over. I've never been good at the "meantime" and it's starting to take its toll on me.
I wish that I knew how to do all this waiting better. Usually I have something in my life that is going right. Lately, home is crappy and work is crappy - the only thing not crappy is Nick. The problem is that I'm thrown so off kilter with the crappy things that I am not enjoying my son. It's terrible and I hope it blows over soon. I don't know how much longer I can hang on.
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