Chicago Chick

Fairy Tales

I don't know why this piece of news bothers me.  It's not like I know Reese Witherspoon or Ryan Phillippe.  Or that they even know me or at this point care if I exist.  I think I had a rough Monday and thinking about work or more important things like world peace or the hungry and/or homeless are things I just don't want to think about.  I would rather sit on my laptop at home and read the "entertainment" or "gossip" (depends on who you are) sites and think about Reese Witherspoon and her separation.

Actually, I think the reason that it bothers me is because I still believe in fairy tales.  You know, that "happily ever after" stuff that seems to be shoved down our throats, especially girls, from an early age.  Part of me would still like to believe that it's possible that the "happily ever after" state that seems so impossible when you grow up and become jaded can still be achieved.  And, for a moment there was Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe who married at an early age and had 2 beautiful children.  It just seemed so magical.

But like all good fairy tales I guess you don't get to see what's behind closed doors.  You don't see that after Prince Charming kisses and wakes up Sleeping Beauty that he pees on the toilet seat.  We never see Rapunzel forgetting to feed the palace lions which makes the  knight in shining armor who rescued her completely crazy!  Or, that Snow White has a thing for the Big Bad Wolf.

Even though I've stopped believing in fairy tales, every once in a while I run across something that gives me a little hope.  Sometimes the hope comes from people I actually KNOW and sometimes it doesn't.  But, in this day and age I like to take advantage of hope in whatever form it comes in because sometimes hope is just hard to come by.

Photo Source: TMZ.com

Maybe a Change in Thinking is Necessary

Today was the Trick or Treat Trot.  I tried something new today and decided to run the 5K with my iPod.  In the end, it wasn't that great of an idea only because I also had a neck gaiter and my inhaler as well as a not for jogging set of headphones.

Did I finish?  Yes, I finished but I wasn't happy with my time.  I compared it with my other 5K times this past season and even though it's better it doesn't really show the kind of improvement I'd like.  I know that I tend to put unreasonable expectations on myself, but would it be too much to ask to move beyond 40 minutes?

The time I posted for this 5K was better than the last 5K that I did, but it wasn't as good as an earlier 5K that I did.  After kicking myself for an hour, I realized that maybe I just need to take a step back and change the way I think about this running thing.

A year ago I wouldn't have even thought of running a 5K - okay, so I was pregnant a year ago, but if I wasn't I probably wouldn't have thought of running one.  I think I've also gotten a bit caught up in the time thing.  The person that I run with has shown terrific improvement, but we're different people.  True, I need to be more regular about running and I have to realize that I am probably not going to be a fast runner.

The whole point of even starting to run was to lose weight and to become more healthy.  I think I've taken steps towards the healthy goal.  It's going to take more than just running to accomplish my weight goal.  So there are lots of moving pieces and hopefully I will find the key to losing weight and getting healthy as well as enjoying running.

For now, I will just enjoy the fact that I participated in a 5K and I ran some of it.  The trick to all of this is to just keep going.

Nothing New

The last time I wrote I was having trouble running (breathing really)  It's warmed up a little since Monday - if you can call low to mid 50s a warm up - and I've been running.  I did an 8 minute run with a 2 minute walk type of cycle 3 times on Wednesday night.  I've also made sure to take my asthma medicine - funny how that helps.

Nothing exciting is going on.  Things are slowly getting into a regular rhythm with the new client I am on and the days are predictable which is a good thing right now.  I signed up to print at a community darkroom starting in November.  The darkroom is close to my house and is open pretty much 24 hours a day.  Now, I just need to take some pictures and develop the film.  Or, maybe I've got some things that I can reprint.

I love this time of year - even the cold weather.  Halloween has always been my favorite holiday probably because it's the beginning of all my other favorite holidays.  I think my least favorite is New Year's because it's the end of the "happy" holidays.  The next holiday after New Years is Memorial Day and that's not until May.  Valentines Day really doesn't count - you don't get a day off for that one!

Because I Like to Torture Myself

Yesterday I took the day off to recover from the Chicago Marathon.  I ended up not being as sore as I thought I would and got up early to run errands.  By 1:00 in the afternoon, I had completed all my errands and even took a little nap with Nicholas.

And, because I thought that walking a marathon wasn't enough to make me sore I decided to run at around 4:00 pm.  I was going at a descent clip and planned on running 14 minutes then walking 1 minute - lather, rinse, and repeat.  So, it would have been 30 minutes of "running".

Unfortunately, it was pretty cold outside and although I had 2 layers on and a pair of gloves, my breathing was all out of whack!  I took my inhaler and I've been good about taking my asthma medicine, but the cold air seemed to freeze my lungs.  I was only able to run 3 minutes straight before I started wheezing.

I walked/ran as much as I could but by the time I got back home, I was so pissed off and discouraged.  Okay, I cried for like a few moments before I could pull myself together to get upstairs.  Nobody likes a crybaby.  Not to be discouraged, I purchased a neck gaiter and planned to run (again) today.  But, I'm tired and decided against it.

Tomorrow is a CARA session, so if I can extract my head out of my butt in time for tomorrow I am hoping for a descent run.

Lessons from the Road

I learned a lot of things from the Chicago Marathon.  One of the things I learned was that if you intend on walking a marathon, make sure that they have a walking section.  The Chicago Marathon did not have such a section, so it was a little difficult.  The traffic was mostly runners and even though Maria and I walked on the left (or right) side of the street, we were still being jostled by people running by and runners who were clearly tired and wanted to push past anything and anyone going slower than they were.

I also learned that spectators are probably the runner's worst enemy.  I know that people are excited to watch their friends and loved ones run the marathon, but at times there were so many people that they went past the curbs.  This meant that the path for the runners got smaller and smaller and the traffic jams were terrible.

At one point in time, one of the spectators GRABBED me and tried to pull me off the road.  The stupid woman was screaming at me, "You're IN THE WAY!" to which I said did you not see my number - I'm IN the marathon.  She then replied, "Well, you're walking - get going!"  This made Maria really mad and while I was trying to forget it, it was hard to keep my mind focused

Other stupid things were said, but one of my favorites was "Hey, how'd you get in front so fast?" - said by a very clueless 20 something guy after noticing that we had followed shortly after the Kenyans who clearly were at the head of the entire marathon.  I think Maria said something like, "How do you THINK we got here?"

Can you tell that I didn't have a good experience?  Okay, so there were some good things.  There was a guy who was running and on his shirt he had his name, age, and phone number.  Clearly this guy was looking for a date.  It was cute.  Then, there were the people who cheered us on which helped during the tough times because walking a marathon is hard!

Then, there were the absurd like the middle-aged guy who was running with no shoes - just socks.  I think he was trying to emulate the African runners who are known to run barefoot in their country.  I wonder how that guy did because running barefoot in the streets of Chicago is just a dangerous thing.  Nevermind that he was running a marathon.

There were also the inspirational.  The runners with pictures of loved ones who had died because of cancer or diabetes or who planned on running the marathon, but couldn't.  And, there were the wheelchair "runners" and the few that had prosthetic legs that were running.

Even though it wasn't the best event I had ever taken part in - that distinction would have to go to the 512 mile AIDS ride from Minneapolis to Wisconsin to Chicago - it didn't sour me from running.  It's quite the opposite.  I'm much more excited about running and doing 5Ks and maybe one day running a marathon.  But, like any big event I've learned a lot (and earned a medal).  Not so bad.

I'm Bringing Chubby Back

Tomorrow is the Chicago Marathon and while I know that walking it is probably not as hard as running it, I think that even attempting something like walking it - to raise money for charity no less - is something of a feat.  It was interesting to see that there were little to no runners on the lake front path or around the neighborhood.

I picked up my race packet yesterday and it was an eye-opener.  This year I've been doing these 5K runs and I thought that picking up a race packet was kind of an ordeal.  There are specific times and usually there are lines that you need to wait in.  And, while I didn't have to wait in line to pick up my packet for the Chicago Marathon, the sheer scale of it was incredible.

The people handing out packets and shirts and checking race chips were SO nice.  I didn't once feel like I didn't belong.  There were older people, thin people, chubby people, young people, etc.  It was a cool thing to feel welcome and to fell part of something big.

What surprised me was the reaction I got at my local running store - my least favorite running store even before this encounter.  I had to stop and pick up some last minute stuff like socks and stuff.  The person who was ringing people up asked each and every one that she ran up if they were running the Marathon.  When she got to me, she didn't say anything.

I didn't really notice it until the guy behind me asked if I was participating in the Marathon.  When I said yes I was, he said "Good luck and I'll see you there."  The person ringing me up asked, "Really?  YOU'RE running?".  When I said that I would be walking to raise awareness and money for a children's cancer organization, she gave me the "OH, well THAT makes sense" look.

I know that after 2 kids and the extra weight that I put on from graduate school that I've yet to shed makes me look like any unlikely candidate to run the Marathon tomorrow.  But, as someone who works for a running store and who is supposed to be promoting running and fitness, I thought that the whole encounter was really rude!

After picking up my race packet yesterday and seeing all shapes, sizes, and ages signed up for the Marathon, today's little episode annoyed me.  JT may be bringing sexy back, but after today I'm bringing chubby back.

I am Deluded

Normally I am pretty rational.  Well, rational enough to pass for rational.  But, yesterday my friend Maria called me to tell me that they were definitely going to do an early start for the Chicago Marathon.  Not sure if ever wrote about it, but Maria and a bunch of friends are walking or walk/running the Chicago marathon.  It's an attempt to raise money for the Children's Cancer Organization that she volunteers for.

I was going to join them and then mid-way through the training, I realized that I wasn't able to train enough and I decided not to walk with them.  But, yesterday Maria called and she sounded so positive and I was in the right frame of mind - the crazy frame of mind.  So, I said that I would.

Uh Yeah - crazy idea.  For whatever reason, I'm excited and I'm hoping that it will snap me back into the mode where I'm NOT having crappy 5Ks.  I'm probably delusional, but hey I'm thinking that what I don't know won't kill me.

If Jello Gels, Why Doesn't Pudding 'Pud'

I wrote in my last post about my miserable 5K this past weekend.  Overall, I guess it wasn't that bad.  I got to spend some time with my friend, D, and we laughed and laughed like we always do when we're together.

There was a point where we were talking about how Nicholas will be asking the "why" questions one day.  "Why is the sky blue"; "Why is grass green"; "Why did you give that answer when I asked why" and so on.  D told me the story of when she was around 6 years old she asked her mom the "Why-type" question.  It went: "If jello 'gels' then why doesn't pudding 'pud'?"

I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did at that moment.  Part of it was frustration at this mind-running-walking-block that I had (a release really) and part of it was because it was classic D.  Right after we stopped laughing, I got pulled over by the police for a seat belt check.  I had my seat belt on, but because the inside of my car is black, I was wearing black, and my seat belt is black, well you can guess what happened.

Still, today when I was thinking to myself "Why . . . " I started laughing.  Maybe pudding does 'pud'.

Another Race Gone Wrong

Yesterday I was supposed to do a 5K walk with my friend, D.  It was a beautiful day for a walk.  The sun was shining, it was a bit cool but still a gorgeous fall day.  I think we walked all of a block of the 5K.

D turns to me and says, "I think I'm good for a mile.  You wouldn't have to twist my arm to stop.".  Then, one of our old friends was out taking pictures and he spotted us and said 'Hi'.  That was pretty much all the incentive I needed to quit.  I know it's shameful and it was JUST A WALK.  We'd probably walked a mile to and from the car so it wasn't a big deal.  For whatever reason, I just wasn't feeling it.

So, that would make it 3 races in a row that I either didn't complete or failed to do the entire route.  I can see a pattern and I am annoyed.  So, I've decided to take a step back and run slower and maybe for less time, but do it consistently.  Now that I've decided what to do, I just have to get my butt out on the path!

Can't Decide - You Decide!

Hey, is anyone out there?  If anyone IS out there, can you tell me if you like this Typepad design?  And, can you tell me what color the background of this thing should be?

Thanks!
Irene

WANTED: My Sense of Humor

I am finding it really hard to find humor in much of anything.  Okay, so David Sedaris is funny and I laughed while listening to his book on the way to work.  Usually I can find a little humor, but I realized today while riding in the car with the family on the way to my mom's office that nothing strikes me as funny.

Yeah, the kids' smiles and giggles make me laugh and some of the things that Nicholas has said in the past 24 hours has been really funny.  But, things like David reading my entry as I type it are annyoing.  I'm finding that I'm bitching about little stuff lately.

I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that we've outgrown our house.  We're in extremely close quarters - or at least it FEELS that way - and David and I seem to be getting on each other's nerves.  Thank God I've been put on a project and come Monday I will be leaving the house to go work at another location!

Hit a Wall Right Off the Bat

Tonight I ran with my CARA group and it was an easy run - 10 minute run with a 2 minute walk repeated twice.  Can I tell you that after 3 minutes I was tired.  It's so aggrevating!  I've been like this for the past 2 or 3 weeks and I'm frustrated.  It's like I hit a wall before I ever hit the road.

But now I cannot figure a way out of this rut that I've become stuck in.  I guess I wouldn't be so upset if I felt that I made some progress, but I really don't think that I have.  I mean, I just started this running thing.  Yes, there was a time when running 5 mintues was an accomplishment but to be at the end of the summer and start to slip backwards is really depressing. Not sure how to "unstick" myself.

Maybe if I knew what was bothering me or what was preventing me from going forward I could do something about it.  I just don't know what it is.

Listening to Books

I'm driving into the office for most of this week.  I've finally been assigned to a project which starts next week, but in the meantime I am helping out on a proposal for work at a potential client.  Needless to say, having to get up and be dressed (in REAL clothes!) before 1:00 makes me tired. 

Just because I'm working from home, that does not mean that I am NOT WORKING.  In reality, I am working; I'm just doing it whilst unshowered and in my pajamas.  That whole showering, getting dressed, and putting on shoes just takes a good hour out of my day.  And, sitting in the car for 45 minutes each way makes me tired.

The one good thing about being in the car is that I can listen to books on my iPod.  I used to think that people who listened to their books were lazy, but now I am seeing that it's a great way to burn time on the Kennedy.  I downloaded Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris from Audible.com a couple of weeks ago and am now finally able to listen to it.

If you haven't read of any of David Sedaris' books, you really should.  I read Naked a long time ago and it was laugh out loud funny.  I started reading Holidays on Ice a year or so ago, but couldn't get into it.  But, listening to it I've changed my mind.  It's Laugh-Out-Loud funny and made my commute go by so much quicker.  At one point, I was laughing out loud and the person in the car next to me in traffic rolled down their window and asked me what I was listening to.  When I told them, she looked sad because I wasn't listening to anything on the radio.

Marriage is Affecting My Running

There are some people whose husbands and children love to do the same things as they do.  You know the type - you see them on the lakefront running along with their tandem baby strollers with big smiles on their faces.

I, unfortunately, do not have one of those husbands.  The kids,well, that remains to be seen.  But, if I have it my way, they will be trailing after me - or me after them when they're old enough to run along the lakefront.  Today was the Bucktown 5K which was supposed to be my first 5K of the year.  Thankfully, my friend Julie talked me into doing the Women's Run 5K in July so this wasn't my first.

But I digress.  I told David that we would have to be there early to pick up our timing chips and that there would be no parking.  For God's Sakes - we live a little over a mile away from the starting line!  But, did he listen to me?  Of course not!  He got up early and had to make himself a chocolate chip pancake breakfast.  I was eating a banana and running around the house getting the kids dressed and ready to go. 

Okay, so he fed the toddler but I fed the baby and changed both their clothes.  I wanted to be on site picking up our timing chips by 7:45ish.  But, instead David decided to drive and thought that leaving at 7:30 would get us there.  And yes we were there at 7:45ish.  But WE WERE DRIVING BY THE STARING LINE!  Nevermind that we weren't parked; that the stroller still had to be assembled; or that the kids still needed to be put into the stroller.

In the end David found a parking space and we were on our way to the starting line by 8:25 am when the start of the race was 8:30.  I was good and pissed off and ready to go back home.  Mentally, I wasn't ready to run.  All I could think about was how David never seemed to support me in my physical endeavors.  Like how it was a struggle to get him to come to the gym with me or how he didn't want to participate in any physical activity I wanted to do.  To get him to even come to a running event and meet me at the finish line is like pulling teeth.

I won't even go into how before we were married we agreed to each pick an activity and BOTH of us would participate in it.  Can I tell you - I took 2 stained glass classes (BORING after the 1st one) and he has yet to take any photography classes or sign up for any walking or running activity save today's 5K.  I suppose that I should just leave it be.  Our interests are as different as night and day.  David thinks an activity is not a sport unless there is water associated with it or unless there is a motor attached to it.

So the solution?  Get divorced?  Quit running?  Nah, today I have learned my lesson.  There will be no more family 5Ks - at least until the boys are old enough to run with me.  Daddy can sit inside and eat chocolate chip pancakes until he bursts.

Sometimes All You Need is a Hug

In a world where nothing seems free, something like this is pretty refreshing.  Juan Mann started a campaign to give free hugs, but as it shows in the YouTube movie, he was stopped by the authorities.

I love living in the United States! But, I'm also saying that our freedom comes with limits; you aren't free to shout "fire" in an occupied theater or to run the stoplights as you please.  In the end, living with limited freedom is okay with me.  Total freedom without limits, I suppose would be called total pandemonium.

Not Such Bad Parents After All

Today was the boys' pediatrician visit and, like usual, the visits contained everything a good movie should contain.  There was drama, car crashes, injuries, blood, tears, and screaming followed by some smiling, drooling, and then napping.  Maybe they weren't "real life" or "movie life" things, but they were all there: car crashes in the form of toy car crashes; injuries when Nicholas smashed his head on the doctor's desk drawer; blood when Alexander got his lead test; and of course the screaming.

Oh, the screaming.  It always amazes me how high and shrill a scream Nicholas emits when he's annoyed.  I don't recall any BOY child screaming that high and loud when I was a child and I remember my first day of kindergarten like it was yesterday.  Even hours after he finished pitching a fit in the doctor's office, my ears are still ringing.

It turns out that the boys are both healthy.  Both of them are of normal height and weight for kids their age and both of them exhibit normal behavior.  Well, okay - Nicholas is a little advanced for his speaking skills, he can count to 20 and knows all his colors and shapes. 

But, all that great knowledge is coupled with the fact that the child still drools like a St. Bernard, refuses to come when we call him, and emits this high-pitched wailing scream.  But, don't tell David that I said that because he thinks Nicholas is the next Albert Einstein.  As a mother, I would love nothing more for my boys to be so smart that they create the next Microsoft.  But, I'm also realistic because I KNOW who these kids' parents are and - trust me - the amount of brain matter to get to Albert Einstein proportions just aren't there.

So even though my parents are concerned that both boys suck their thumbs; that Nicholas doesn't eat like his cousin Harrison; that Alexander's legs are a bit chubby; that Nicholas still drools; and that Alexander's head is a little flat,  David and I have healthy and happy babies.  Amazing isn't it?  Just when you think you're up for "most awful parent of the year" you get some confirmation that maybe you're not.

Pins and Needles

I've been feeling "sludgey" lately - not sure if mentioned that in a previous post.  What I mean is that I feel like the blood in my veins has turned to think sludge.  I mean that figuratively and not literally (obviously).  A few weeks ago I went to the podiatrist because my right quad has been bugging me.  Turns out the pain is due to a tight IT band which thankfully is not a huge deal. 

Dr. S - my podiatrist - and I were talking about massage and she mentioned that accupuncture might help too.  She gave me a couple of licensed accupuncturists and a couple of my friends gave me the name of one.  I decided to check out the least expensive option because, well, health insurance doesn't cover the cost of licensed accupuncturists (LAC).

I went to my first appointment today and let the LAC see my tongue which she said was "purple" and "wet" meaning that I needed help with my circulation and my liver or kidney (can't remember which). She took my pulse on both wrists and then poked and prodded me for pain points.  Then, she stuck numerous needles (or pins take your pick) in specific areas to treat what ailed me.

It was pretty interesting.  I don't know if I'm "cured".  I doubt that all my issues were cleared up with one visit because come on, if it were that easy there would be a line at ever LAC's door!  I did come in with a sinus headache which was gone after a few needles were placed in strategic spots.  Usually, I have that kind of headache for an entire day so I can say that the acupuncture helped.

For a conservative-ish kind of girl, I have a pretty open mind and made another appointment for next week.  I know that this isn't the cure for every little health concern or issue I have, but heck it gives me a chance to sit in a room quietly for an hour.  So, how can THAT be all bad?

Feeling Stupid

Today I feel exceedingly stupid.  Since I'm on the bench - unassigned, not on a project, big fat loser - I've been asked to do some setup and online training for a new application.  And, for whatever reason I'm having a tough time which makes me feel so very stupid.

Like anyone who is probably NOT stupid, I have my moments when I cannot focus and I breeze through directions or I start somewhere in the middle.  I cannot seem to get out of that mindset right now.  I try to start over and over, but I keep starting where I began - in the wrong spot.  It's frustrating and it's killing any self-confidence that I have.

Maybe if I were assigned to a project I wouldn't feel so * useless *.  I'm not in fear of losing my job and maybe I should be, but this whole place where I'm at right now is killing me.

5K Drop Out

So the "Race for the Cure" 5K run was this past Saturday.  I was registered but I didn't run - partly becvause I was sick and partly because for some reason I just didn't want to.  I know that I signed up to run and I paid the registration fee - which went to a good cause by the way.  But, lately I've been pretty bad with my running.

It seems as though I've hit a wall and not the proverbial wall that they talk about during marathon running.  I feel as though my head is blocked and it's getting in the way of me progressing as a runner.  I use the term "runner" liberally since I don't really run but rather waddle along.  Still, I was proud that I signed up for the CARA running program and have stuck to it. 

I can run for 10 minutes straight which is a huge accomplishment since before I joined I had trouble running for 3 minutes straight.  This session, I am signed up to run for 30 minutes straight.  I've fallen in love with the fact that I can run and that I look forward to those Wednesday night runs with my group. 

Still, I'm feeling blocked and I'm scared to death of not being able to keep up.  I know that I'm probably over thinking all of this because anyone can run.  What's the big deal - you put one foot in front of the other and keep going.