Chicago Chick

The Air, It's a Little Think In Here Isn't It?

Not that I would like to relive the past few months, but I got up last night and couldn't sleep so I read the most boring thing I could find - my blog.  As I read the crap stuff that made up my entries I started to think, "I've turned into a crappy complainer."

It was then I decided to go back and read some of the entries that I wrote in 2005 and 2006 and yeah, I complained there too, but things didn't seem to be as serious as they've become.  Granted, in 2005 and 2006 my medical benefits didn't get suspended; I didn't sell my house; and we didn't need to move into "temporary housing."  However, in 2005 I was pregnant and in 2006 I was counting my blessings that I wasn't pregnant again.

I'm hoping that the not-so-much-complaining phase of my life comes back in 2008.  It's sad that I'm already looking forward to next year and putting so much pressure on it being better.  The air has become a little thick around here in recent months and I have to believe that next year maybe the levity - or at least my ability to see the levity in things - will return.  I'm knocking on every piece of wood that I can find that it does.

Another Lesson RElearned

Yesterday I stopped by Amy's, of Comments from the Peanut Gallery.  Hi Amy, John, Jack, Livie, AND Java!  It was the end of a very VERY bad week - from dealing with company healthcare benefits being suspended to getting over selling our place in the city and moving to the suburbs to dealing with clothes and dishes in boxes ALL over the place.  I really did not feel like meeting anyone new, but I'm glad that I pulled myself (okay, taped myself) together and drove out to see Amy.

I spent maybe 45 minutes with Amy and her family and first of all, let me say that their house is spotless.  I was so impressed that 2 kids, 2 adults, and a dog could live in a house where you didn't have to step over a toy.But, second of all I really felt so welcome and I was happy that I did get a chance to meet Amy.  Jack and Livie are so cute and so much like Nick and Alex and John, Amy's hubby, was really nice.  After chatting with Amy about Jack and Nick I realized that I REALLY wasn't alone in the parenting things that I was thinking.  Seriously folks, I have issues, but it doesn't seem like my parenting concerns are unrealistic.  I left feeling like I'd known them forever and I am certain that a play date is in the very near future.

When you first come across people in their blogs, you get an impression of what they're like; I had no idea what to expect when I met an "online friend" face-to-face.  I guess it would be the equivalent to dating online or going on a blind date - I've only done the later with disastrous results.  Thankfully this wasn't the case and I learned, once again, that meeting people is a good thing and even when you don't feel like it you really should.

Planning for Halloween

The temp house is still a mess - there are boxes everywhere and the kitchen's a disaster area - but, I don't really care.  This week has been stressful and I was glad when Friday finally came around.  I am looking forward to the month of October even though notoriously, it's my least favorite month.  The only day in October I enjoy is the 31st - Halloween has become my favorite holiday since we've had the kids.  Not only do I get to play dress up with the boys, but I Halloween is the beginning of all the fun autumn/winter holidays.

One Halloween when I was in 4th grade, I dressed up as a snowman.  My lola (grandmother) made the costume out of some old sheets and paper bags - it was truly amazing the things she could do with little to nothing.  That particular Halloween, it was sunny and HOT which is odd because I remember Halloweens as being forever rainy.  The snowman costume was a head to toe thing and to make the costume even more genuine, I wore a pair of my dad's old galoshes over my shoes.

I remember making my way from our house on Francisco to California and then going East on Devon to the Catholic school that I attended.  The walk, normally a 15 minute walk, took something like 25 minutes because I couldn't walk very fast.  Looking back, I think I probably should have had my best friend at the time pull me on the wagon that she used as part of her costume.  That evening, I won the best costume prize for 4th grade class.  I had a hard time collecting it from the principal because she was on a stage and I was unable to climb the stairs in my costume.

I have very fond childhood memories of holidays and I want to make sure that my boys have good memories of their childhood too.  This coming month, I've scheduled a trip out to the pumpkin patch in Buffalo Grove where we'll pet the animals, pick pumpkins to carve, and go on hay rides.  Yes, there are hay rides in the Chicago suburbs - a tradition that we've taken part in since I can remember.  I'm slowly adjusting to living in the suburbs although given a chance I would move back to Chicago in a heartbeat.  But for now, I feel like I can exhale - at least for the weekend - and plan the next few months with my family.

Comcast and I May Be Breaking Up

I've already taken the first steps to move away from Comcast.  I'm in the process of changing where I am notified for comments and any groups that have my e-mail address.  It's a shame, we've been Comcast customers since 2001(?) - either way, it's been a long time coming.

Hello Comcast, We STILL Have IssuesCross-posted at Chicago Moms Blog

When we were transferring our Comcast Internet service, there were issues.  You will recall the post that I wrote about how the Comcast tech disconnected our Internet service.  I realize that when I called the order had already been printed and it was too late to cancel.  But, what steamed my clams was the fact that my husband had asked the Comcast tech who came to our place to wait a second while he ran upstairs to confirm that we were supposed to be disconnected and then the shitty Comcast tech literally ran away.

What I didn't talk about was how a week later someone from the Comcast corporate offices called me because someone read on a blog about how unhappy I was with the service.  I was completely shocked to even have someone from Comcast call me let along be concerned about what I wrote in a blog.  They almost - and I will explain WHY I say almost - won me over.

Yesterday, I called the wonderful folks at Crapcast Comcast to find out where to send the extra modem we had.  See, when they set up our Internet service at the Temporary House they installed a new modem even though we had the old one here.  Now we have to return the extra modem.  I called the folks at Comcast and was asked to enter my phone number not once - not twice - but THREE times and then the person who I actually did speak to asked me for my phone number again.

When I explained to her what happened and then asked her where I needed to return the extra modem she said (and I'm NOT kidding), "So you're having issues with your Internet?  Are you able to connect?"  Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!  I swear these people have been eating lead paint chips.  I told the customer service rep that my Internet service was working fine, but I just needed to find out where I can turn in the extra modem that I had.  She giggled - I swear to GOD she giggled - and said, "what's a modem?

She explained that she doesn't work with Internet - have no idea how I ended up with her when I hit all the buttons that they asked me to and picked the "High Speed Internet" options in the automated phone service that Comcast had - and that she didn't know what a modem was.  I immediately asked to speak to someone in the Internet area.  She transferred me and after a few automated "please wait" announcements, I got the following from the automated phone system at Crapcast Comcast:

"Your call was unable to be completed, please hang up and dial again."

I.  AM.  NOT.  KIDDING!  What is ridiculous is that when I spoke to the lovely person at the Comcast corporate offices they told me that my issue was likely a "training" issue and I am sure that this would be the same excuse that I would be given if I got a call from Comcast corporate on this issue.  And, maybe it IS a training issue, but you cannot make a boring job exciting no matter HOW much training you give to someone.  Maybe it's the pessimist in me, but I really believe that the work ethic of people today is in the pooper.  Customer service is dead in a lot of industries such as the phone companies, cell phone industries, and Internet Service Providers.  It's sad, but this is not Communist Russia and we all have the freedom of choice.

Thankfully, Comcast is not the only game in town.

What Do You Believe?

Yesterday, I received some news that was designed to calm the events that caused the issue that I am dealing with.  Now, I have 15 years of work experience - jeez I'm old - and I've worked in various companies.  I did a stint in the Internet space (worked for a dot com backed by newspapers and they're still in business) during 2000 and saw a lot of my friends who worked at other dot coms go through the ugliness when the "bubble burst."  I spent 3 years in the technical consulting space during the years after Y2K and endured multiple lay-offs.  So much so that I've become numb to living through lay-offs.

So do I believe what we were told?  I believe some of the things that they've said, but there were a lot of things that were said that I do NOT believe.  This is mostly because I am involved in some of the things that they talked about and I know that things are not all "daisies and smiley faces."  As someone who tries to look at the bright side of things but also has enough experience to be jaded, I think I received enough information to make a decision.  I realize that any decision that I make won't be 100% error proof; I can only make decisions based on the information I have.

I try to live by the basic belief that at the core, people are good and even though sucky things happen in life, I still try to believe that.  But, when bad things happen as a result of people making bad decisions it makes me rethink my belief in people being essentially good.  Honestly, as the years go by it gets harder and harder for me to stay open-minded and in the end I'm left thinking that if I don't trust anyone then we (my family and I) will not be open to any harm.

JEEZ - Just SHUT UP!

Maybe it's just me, but there is this blonde, Paris Hilton wannabe that sits in the office next to mine and her laugh sounds like - I don't know how to describe it - like something out of a cartoon.  Seriously, I can't even describe it.  I tried to get it on my cell phone becuase my cell phone does magical things like that, but after a 30 minute laughcapade she stopped.

Maybe I'm just a grouchy-butt because of all the crap that I'm dealing with.  Nah, she's just annoying!

The Uninsured

The unfortunate event that I spoke of yesterday caused me to look long and hard at my health care coverage - or lack thereof - and I decided that what is important for my family is to actually HAVE health coverage.  So, instead of waiting for the powers that be to take care of the "event" I decided that I would look for health care coverage outside of my company.

I knew that it was going to be expensive, but I didn't realize HOW expensive it would be.  After you pay the premium there's always a deductible and then you may or may not have prescription coverage.  It's daunting, but I refuse to let my family go without coverage and at this time I have no idea how long it will be before the "event" is cleared up.  Either way, I'm not willing to put my family at risk.

Sometimes I think that throughout the craziness, there is someone or something looking out for me.  The sale of our condo netted us some money which makes the purchase of health insurance less of a burden, but I recognize that there are people out there who are not as fortunate.  I did a little research on those that are considered the "uninsured" and there are approximately 46.6 million people who do not have health benefits.

What was shocking was that 89% of those people are from working families and 1/5 of the 46.6 million earn $50K or more annually.  So why is it that these people are uninsured?  I have no idea why, but I can safely guess that the reason is because health care coverage is so expensive.  Not only are the premiums expensive, but the deductibles are high, and the cost of medication is high as well.

Until late last week, I never thought I could be uninsured.  I've always had good jobs and have always had health care coverage.  And even though I complained about the amount that I would have deducted from my paycheck, I never realized that the premiums were that expensive.  I wonder why it is that there is no company that pool the people of uninsured and offer discounted premiums.  Maybe these companies do exist and I just didn't search hard enough.  Then again, I wasn't willing to really 'price shop' given the situation I was in.

Luckily, I was able to find a temporary solution for not a great deal of money.  For now my family and I are covered but there are other pressing issues that I need to deal with.  This year has been a very stressful year for us and I'm hoping that 2008 will be less stressful.  I count myself as fortunate to have friends, family, and the resources to take care of my family during these crazy times.

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

"For many months after Leta’s birth I felt like I was going through an identity crisis, even after my hospital stay when I could think about things more clearly. I didn’t know I was going through it then, but I had many symptoms of a mid-life crisis, including excessive drinking and lashing out at the most important people in my life. I can look back at those months now and see what was going on, that suddenly I was a mother, but didn’t feel like I thought mothers were supposed to feel. It was as if overnight I had gone from working in the mail room to becoming the CEO, and I had no idea how to run a company. I didn’t want to run a company.

We spend years and years of our lives discovering who we are, and it’s not a sudden realization, but one day you figure out who you are, that you are the type of person who likes to be in charge, or you are the type of person who likes to be given a list of tasks. Maybe you’re the type of person who can’t have fun unless you know that the other people around you are having fun, or maybe you’re the type of person who has fun no matter what. And if you’ve had enough therapy you’re okay with that, you’re okay knowing that this? This is who I am.

But becoming a mother was nothing like that for me. It was an identity that I did not grow into. It happened immediately without any transition. It was, I am a mother, and I don’t understand what this means. And for a long time I felt really guilty that I didn’t understand it, that I wasn’t okay with it.

I felt guilty that I really didn’t enjoy staying at home, guilty that sometimes I wished to be any other place than here. Everything that they tell you about the love you’ll have for your child is true, but there’s all this other stuff that is true, too, stuff that you’re afraid to talk about, stuff that you carry around and try to hide. Stuff like resentment and fear and anxiety and longing."
- said Heather Armstrong of dooce.com

Thank you for saying what I have been trying to say about parenthood, but could not put into words without sounding like a bumbling idiot.  I am happy to report that the label of "parent" has grown on me even though there are days when I'd rather just be a snail in a very well-kept garden.

A Moment of Seriousness

I spoke to one of my former clients yesterday and we talked about what was going on in each of our lives.  When I finished giving her an update and how things were going in general, she said "Your life is always full of turmoil."  It was at that moment that I realized that she was right.

There are a lot of things that I don't talk about in my blog because, well, it's really nobody's business.  It may seem that I let you all in on the gory details of my life, but I don't.  There is a particular event going on at work that has made me question where my priorities are.  While I don't want to go into the details, suffice it say that the event affects my family in a very profound way.

There are options that I could take to shield my family from this event and if I did take the option I'm thinking of, it would mean a certain kind of freedom for me, David, and the kids.  And, I'm all for freedom.  However, freedom comes with a hefty price tag that will probably end up increasing year after year.  So, I'm left - yet again - with another decision to make.

How do I take care of the issue that my family and I are facing?  What is the most responsible decision for me to make?  Could the decision affect us in a negative way?  What are the repercussions?  The one question I am left with after answering the ones of my own is How could this happen?  In the end, it really doesn't matter HOW it happened, but that it DID happen.

The event is not a life-threatening one, but one that causes me to pause and seriously think about priorities and what's best.  Oddly enough I'm well equipped to handle the decision and I'm not the fruity-goofball that people who read my site get through my writings.  I just hate when these type of things come up and according to my friend who I spoke to today - they come up often.

In my late 20s I had decided that I had enough "drama" in my life and I've worked hard to get rid of the excess.  I never thought that by my mid to late 30s that the "drama" would return - only the topics that cause it are totally different.  All I have to say is that at 30 something, I have less energy and patience to deal with it.  One of these days, I am counting on getting it right and when I talk to my friend again she won't tell me that there is a lot of turmoil in my life.

Other Things On My Mind

David and I took the boys to the new gym that I joined this past week.  I'm certain that the membership will include David, but we didn't want to spend the extra cash on a membership if David didn't like the place.  Luckily I was given a bunch of guest passes so that David could come along.  Turns out that he does like the place which is a good thing.  He doesn't know it yet but he will be taking the boys for swim lessons.

The trip to get to the gym and into the pool with the boys was a bit harrowing.  I say this because one of the "pool rules" is that you have to have a swimsuit on if you are going to be in the pool area.  Seriously?  You mean I have to put on a swimsuit to sit by the pool to watch the kids?  Yep - that is what that rule means.  So, David and I went off to a nearby sports type store and purchased swimsuits.

First of all, I have to tell you that I haven't worn a bathing suit since before Clinton was president and even if I did find one in a cardboard box - because I haven't unpacked everything yet - it would be doubtful that I could squeeze a thigh into it.  My thighs have not seen the sun since I have no idea when.  But, because getting in a swimsuit was the one thing that was in the way of my boys getting into that pool and having a good time, I ignored any self-confidence issue I had and purchased one.  I even put it on and got into the pool.  I would love to say that it was no big deal, but it was a big deal.

Granted, I wasn't the hugest person at the pool but I could care less about other people.  I was more concerned about the way I felt about myself.  See, once upon a time I was actually thin and fit and it was even after I was 25 years old.  But life has other plans and between grad school and babies and job changes and just plain ole laziness, I truly have let myself go.  I'm hoping that this swimsuit episode will be the one that will kick my butt into getting back into the gym on a regular basis.

I've tried what seems like a zillion times to get back into the swing of things, but nothing has seemed to stick.  The look on the boys' faces while they were playing in the pool was enough to make me want to try again.  Say a silent prayer for me that I can stick to this gym thing this time.  I'd hate to disappoint those that count on me and love me the most.

What Happened to the Corn Fields?

Today I drove to pick up some swag bags from fellow Chicago Mom Blogger, Amy Muller.  It just so happened that Amy lives halfway between Chicago and where I went to college.  The drive took me less than an hour because (1) I drive fast, (2) there was no traffic, and (3) I now live closer to where I went to college than I did when I was actually a student there.

I took Nick with me because he always wants to "go for a ride in the black car" and I thought it would be fun to have some time alone with him.  I was right - it was fun and he stayed awake the entire trip out there and back.  On the ride out there I realized that some things never changed.  For example, when I was a student back in ahem the early 1990's there was ALWAYS construction going on on I88 and this morning I wasn't disappointed.  They were widening I88 again and I don't envy the people who take that route.  This May it was 15 years since I graduated from college and it amazed me that they were only just now widening it to 5 lanes.

One of the things that struck me as funny was that the radio station that I used to listen to while at Northern Illinois University, WDEK, was still alive and kicking.  Back then they played a lot of "heavy metal hair-band" stuff (I laugh when I think that they called that music heavy metal because it really wasn't).  The funny thing was that it seemed that they still played the same music or maybe it was a Sunday morning special programming thing because on the way out to Amy M's house, I got to hear Poison's "Every Rose" and Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle".  I swear if they started playing Paula Abdul's "Straight Up" I would have to check to see if Nick was really in the car with me because I'd think I'd entered a time warp.

There were a lot of changes too.  There weren't nearly as many corn fields as there used to be and a lot of strip malls had sprouted in their place.  But that kind of change was already happening before I graduated from NIU.  Even changes were happening in DeKalb before I graduated - changes that made DeKalb seem more like a suburb of Chicago.  Still, I realized that even though I had some great memories of driving on I88 to and from school, it all changes in the end.  I'm no dummy - I know that.

I am having an easier time adjusting to living in the suburbs (although many would argue that a suburb that touches Chicago is the same as living in Chicago - pffft!) than I did when I was forced to move with my parents during high school.  There are a lot of things that are still the same for me even though I complain that the suburbs will be the death of me.  I still go to the same guy for haircuts; the same friend for manicures; and the same esthetician.  And this afternoon, David and I took the kids to the new gym that we signed up for and the boys had a blast in the pool.

So, thanks Amy M for holding the swag bags.  The drive out there was more than just a reprieve from being at the "temp house".  Instead, it was a nice flashback that made me remember that thankfully, not all things stay the same.

The Second Time My Heart Has Been Broken

I have been pretty lucky.  In my lifetime, my heart has only truly been broken twice.  The first time was when the love of my life (or so I thought - I was young) told me on one summer weekend in between my Sophomore and Junior years in college, "I don't love you anymore."  I remember a friend coming over a day later and falling apart.  I believe the sound that came out of my mouth was one of animal anguish.

The second time that my heart has been broken was yesterday when I closed on the sale of my condo.  The buyer sat across the conference room table with me and didn't even crack a smile; she didn't look like she was happy to be buying the place.  Actually, she looked more inconvenienced than anything.  I could feel the cracks in my heart start to form after the walk through on Thursday.

David helped me put Nick and Alex into my car and all of a sudden I just started to sob.  For the second time in my life I was moving to the suburbs, but this was my own doing.  The first time I moved to the 'burbs, I was 14 years old and my parents thought that it would be the best thing for us - the schools were better in the suburbs.  Actually, it's funny because my Freshman year in high school, I had learned virtually nothing.  I had covered the math, English, and science material at my school in the city.  *sigh*

I honestly thought that I would be fine - I was a grown up for Pete's sake!  The reasons for moving to the 'burbs were mostly kid related.  The reality was that we could provide just as good a home for the boys in the city, but I allowed myself to be talked into moving.  Seriously, I blame my husband who has no idea what it's like to grow up in the city of Chicago.  He never understood the charm of the city.  Yes, it isn't the safest place on earth but the suburbs don't guarantee safety.  And, yes some of the Chicago Public Schools don't have the best reputation but we'd long decided to send our children to private school.

As I drove away from my soon-to-be-sold condo, I could feel my heart breaking.  I cried after the closing was complete and all the parties involved went their separate way.  The check with all the zeros that I had in return, didn't make me feel any better and I fully expected that it would.  I thought that the money would enable me to feel good about what I was doing and would help me forget all my selfishness about not wanting to leave Chicago.  In the end, the things that I love about the city - the diversity, the parks, the restaurants, and even the sense of community that I felt in my neighborhood - are the things that I want the most for my family.

I wish that I had realized that before I allowed myself to be talked into moving to the 'burbs in search of what I already had.

My Head is RINGING

I have had an incredible headache for days now.  At first I was convinced that it was because of the stress of late.  But as stressful events cleared themselves up and the headache didn't go away, I realized that maybe the headache wasn't stress related after all.

I've been without contact lenses for the past week and maybe that was causing the headaches.  My eyesight is something like 20/10 or 20/something close to 20.  Seriously, the ophthalmologist that checks my vision every year laughs at me because my eye sight keeps getting better and he says that there really is no need for contact lenses.  But, I wear the contact lenses anyway - I've worn them since I was 13 years old and it's become a part of my daily routine.  So, it isn't the lack of contact lenses especially since I've worn them for the past week.

What could it possibly be?  Well, let's see - the coughing and hacking that I've been doing lately has made my head ring and the fact that my sinus cavities on the right side of my face seem to be filled with cement could be the reason.  Yep, it's cold, allergy, and bronchitis season for me folks.  And, because this is the SECOND year that I haven't been pregnant, I think that my body has caught on that it shouldn't spare me from this misery.

I will tell you that one of the best thing (and probably the only good thing except the fact that you get a baby at the end) pregnancy brought me was reprieve from the allergies and bronchitis that I get every fall.  I love fall, it just doesn't love me.  My body isn't sparing me from this terrible bout of allergies which I know will bring on bronchitis AT ALL!  I can only hope that the tried and true remedies that I used in the past will bring some relief.  So far that hasn't been the case.

A Post to Pollute Your Mind

By the time this week ends, the moving/selling our place saga will (hopefully) have ended.  I'm looking forward to not thinking about driving to our "old" place and packing boxes or cleaning.  Living in a house is over-rated.  Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the clunking noises of trash coming down the trash chute at 3:00 am or people buzzing us to let them in when they've forgotten their keys.  But, having a yard and stairs - totally overrated.

Speaking of over-rated.  Here's a clip of Heidi Montag lip synching her little ditty in a bar/night club/whatever it's called now-a-days.  Seriously, this girl cannot sing or dance - she looks like she's having spasms.  Plus, that little dance is something that I used to do as a child (it's called the "pee-pee" dance).  Ugh!  Well, at least it's something different than the moving and preschool hell that I've been talking about recently.

On Becoming a Parent

There was a time before I had children and while I was pregnant that I made up my mind that I wouldn't let being a parent change me.  It's been 3 years since that promise to myself and I now realize how ridiculous that promise is.  It's ridiculous because when you become someone's mother (I can't say that it's the same for becoming someone's father because I wouldn't know) your life changes.  Your life isn't your own and you aren't free to do the things that you used to do without thinking.

I realize that I have tried to live a very selfish existence and it took a few parenting "blows to the head" to make me realize that the idea of being a parent and NOT changing was completely crazy.  I still believe that when you're a parent you don't have to talk about being a parent 24/7.  I still have friends who are single, not dating, married with no kids, or married and trying to have kids but can't and I think that to ONLY talk about being a parent would mean closing off your existing friendships.

So, I will still make sure that I remember my audience when talking with my friends.  But, the days of trying to keep my "parenting" identity separate from my "Irene" identity are over.  Being a parent is part of my identity and to try to keep them separate is impossible.

When One Door Closes - Ah You Know the Rest

I'm trying very hard not to count my chickens before they're hatched, but after what seems like a year of waiting and waiting, it's really hard not to get excited.  It will be really nice to have this chapter of our lives closed.  And, while I realize that there are things that could go wrong to thwart the close on the sale of our place, I am trying not to think about that stuff.  After all, this is the buyer who wanted $3,000 back at closing to paint the master bedroom due to "pencil marks on 2 of the walls."  I'm still in awe about how that could have even made it into the home inspection report.

On the other hand, closing the door on this chapter of our lives causes me some sadness.  I stopped by to see one of our neighbors yesterday and we talked about the things that we "should have" done.  She had a baby almost a year ago and we talked about how we should have done something like hire a baby sitter to share amongst ourselves.  We talked about how we should have done more social things together.

It's always that way - you say good bye to people you've enjoyed working with or living next to and the "we should haves" always seem to make it into the conversation.  In this case, I will definitely try to keep in touch.  It seems that of all the neighbors I've had this one happens to be one that I really enjoy talking to.  Her husband is hilarious and like a big kid; her son (barely a year old) is as cute as cute can be; and whatever topic we end up talking about we always seem to understand each other.  Of course this doesn't mean that we completely agree about everything because we don't.  I've truly loved living next door to her and will miss her and her family.

We've not completely settled into the new place - the Temp Home - and I really don't want to.  I'm hoping that our final home will be ready sooner rather than later.  When I spoke to David yesterday about how the "mini move" went, he said that it went well and that he hoped that we would use that company when we moved to our final home.  I'm almost threw up in my mouth a little when he said that, but I was happy that he said that.

The "mini move" took all of 2 hours thanks in part to all the garbage that was in our storage area that he decided to get rid of.  After all, how many generic screws and nuts does one need and how many PCs that run a version of Windows that they no longer make or support does one need?  I'm looking forward to the close of this chapter and I am looking forward to obsessing about something else.

Hi My Name is Irene, and I'm an Overprotective Parent and Over-Extended Person

It has been quite a weekend - we're still taking part in what can only be labeled as the "worlds longest move".  I spent the weekend packing more stuff and David spent a good majority of the weekend UNpacking as well as scrubbing the floors at the Temp House.  My husband is really good at doing floors whereas I suck at that stuff.  Apparently, I don't "do" it right and you have to wash with one rag and then dry with another.

I don't think I've ever looked forward to a Monday as I have this past weekend.  For me, Monday means that I go back to work - something that doesn't ever seem to change and even though it isn't exactly a 9 to 5 type of job, it's somewhat predictable.  I spoke to the principal at Nick's school today and she was encouraging although she did agree with the preschool teacher's belief that Nick wasn't ready for preschool.

She talked about different options which is not something that the preschool teacher seemed to do.  It was helpful and made calmed my angst a bit.  Actually, my angst was put to bed by Friday after I called a few area preschools and made appointments to view their classes.  As usual, the anxiety that I feel when an issue presents itself is calmed when I do something about it.  I'm not the kind of person who is happy just worrying and wringing their hands - I have do to something in addition to worrying and wringing my hands.  Can you say Overachiever?

Today the movers are coming to take the rest of the things that didn't get moved.  I am hoping that today will be the end of the very long moving experience and I am hoping that the next time we move - March of 2008 - David will agree with me and hire movers.  This entire moving process has spanned one to many weekends and even though money can be saved by moving yourself, it is better to be lighter in the wallet than heavy in the heart.

This week should be closure to a lot of open items that seemed to be open since March of this year and I will be happy once they are resolved.  I am very much the kind of person that thinks that they can do anything that they set their mind to, but somethings are not worth setting your mind on to accomplish.  For now, I will just cross my fingers and say a silent prayer that things go well.  Otherwise, you will be reading about me in the local Chicago newspapers under a headline that reads "Local Woman Lost Her Mind.  She Bit Off Way More Than She Could Ever Chew!"

Always, There Are Lessons to Be Learned

So it's the end of a very crazy week and I haven't even thought about next week which is the way it SHOULD be.  I'm looking forward to tying up loose ends with our condo and getting ready for the closing next week.  I'm sad that I will no longer be a Chicago resident and I take little comfort in saying that I am a "Chicagoland" resident.  Yuck, pfoo, pooey!  It doesn't even sound right coming out of my mouth - or anyone else's for that matter.

The thing that kills me is that we can actually afford a small, but nice, house with a yard in a descent neighborhood in the city.  Once again, I deferred to David and let him make the call.  After the moving incident(s), have I learned nothing.  I hope I'm not sorry that I let him make that decision for us.

Besides the lesson that one should always hire movers, unless you're like Bob (Hi Bob!) from Mindful Daze and have given away most of his posessions upon leaving the rat race, I have learned a lot of things.  Some lessons I have learned yet again and this time I am hoping that they stick.  It's painful re-learning things because half way through you're kicking yourself that you didn't remember!

TOP 10 THINGS I HAVE LEARNED IN THE PAST 2 WEEKS

10. In pressure situations, it's always best to keep your wits about you even if you think that the terrible situation you are in will never end.  It will end - maybe not the way you want it to, but it will end and there will be a time when you can exhale.
9. If you think you are doing the right thing, don't let what people say make you think you're not.  Ahem, cough, hiring movers.
8. Look up every once in a while while you're working like mad.  Sometimes a distraction is what you need to relax a little.
4. Don't use Windex to kill the gnats and fruit flies that have invaded your office for some reason.  The stuff just gets everywhere and you have to clean it up.  Although, this was a good distraction.
6. Eat right and drink plenty of water.  You'll need it if you're doing something over several days that is equivalent to a marathon sprint.
5. Remember that people may yell at you during busy times.  But if you give them the benefit of the doubt you'll find that they were just as stressed out as you.
4. Remember that if you yell at people because you're stressed out, you need to go back and thank them for their help.
3. It's true; like everything the terrible situation you're in is temporary.
2. Realize that there are always things you could have done better, but feel good about the things you did well.
1. When you live through a tough time, feel proud that you did.  And, by all mean - DO NOT CRY because there will be plenty of time after you get through the tough time.

AND the bonus lesson: Always make time for things that feel (i.e., your friends, family, and kids) because there will always be time for things like vacuuming.

This Job Sucks!

If there was a job posting that said:

Hardworking, energetic, and organized individual needed for a challenging - yet rewarding - position.  Must have excellent organization, delegation, and communication skills as well as the ability to multi-task.  We offer the opportunity to work from home!

Would you be interested?  Would you be interested if I told you that you would end up caring so much for your co-workers that you lost sleep over things that happened to them?  Would you be interested if I told you that the highs in this job were at nose-bleed levels but that the lows often felt like the bottom of hell?

For me, that is what being a parent is like.  There are moments where you feel so much joy that you cannot stand it only to be followed by a low that makes you feel like you are the worst person on earth.  As a person who cares about how well I do my job, whether it be "parenting" or working outside the home, it's hard not to beat myself up.  I've always been that way and I'm sure it's likely to continue to be that way.

This past week has been really, REALLY tough for me.  I've had highs at work (my work outside the home job) only to be followed by lows were I was in doubt on whether I would have a job the next day.  I've had highs at home, although it seems that I haven't been there a lot recently, followed by A LOT of lows.  I know it will all calm down soon.  The one low that really just "cleaned my clock" was Nick's preschool teacher's comment that "maybe Nick isn't ready for preschool."

Nick turned 3 a short 3 days before the cut-off and is the youngest child in his class.  Add to that the fact that he's a boy and boys are known to be a little less mature than girls and you have the potential for a comment that my son's preschool teacher made.  I know that my son is a smart kid, not just because I'm his mother, but because he is.  He knows his colors, shapes, numbers (up to 30 thankyouverymuch), and letters.  He knows his phone number, can spell his name (both formal and shortened), can spell his brother's name, and can spell our last name.

It's not that Nick isn't smart; it's that he doesn't like to be part of a group just yet.  He makes eye contact with other kids, smiles at them, and shares with them but when it's "Circle Time" he may not want to join.  I blame myself for that one because I'm like that even at 30 something.  Jeez, who needs "Circle Time" when there are more important and fun things to do on your own.  I'm a little annoyed and disappointed at the teacher and the school because we specifically selected this school because the student to teacher ratio was so small.  Plus, it's only the 2nd week of school (first full week).

Yes, I'm an over-protective mother and yeah I want my child to do well.  But, when you're told that "maybe you could sign him up for PK3 next year" and then (I'm paraphrasing here) send him to Kindergarten when he's 6 instead of 5, you get a little annoyed.  She went on to say that "I (really she) would rather have my child at the top of the class even though he's older."  Seriously, you get a little annoyed and you start to wonder that maybe this isn't the right school for your child.  I'm not saying that maybe Nick isn't ready for preschool, but I'm willing to let him finish out the month of September to see if he adjusts.

I love being a parent and I love my kids more than anything - yes even pretty, expensive, pointy shoes or an extra hour of sleep - but this job just sucks!  The pay (getting to see the boys grow up to be adults and the love I get in return) is probably the best that I'll ever get out of any job that I have but there is this emotional cost of worry and stress that will never go away.

Cross posted at Chicago Mom's Blog