Chicago Chick

Uh, Jane - You're Not THAT Good

I admit that I watch Dancing with the Stars.  I've been a fan since season 1 when it was a summer filler.  Last night, I was pretty shocked as I'm sure a lot of people were when Sabrina Bryan and Mark Ballas were eliminated.

What seems like an innocent show, has a lot of back stage drama such as Sarah Evan's early departure and the "rematch" between Kelly Monaco and John Hurley.  But it is a competition after all.  The cattiness, however, surprises me - especially the cattiness of Jane Seymour.

In an E! News article, Jane was quote as saying:

"I don't have the doll thing going," Seymour said, referring to the dolls Osmond hawks on QVC. "And some dancers [like Mel B] can come out here and just walk around. You get higher scores in this competition if you just walk around. Or you go up to the judges and you go pat, pat, on the cheek and you get 10s for that."

Uh, Jane - I hate to break this to you but YOU ARE NOT THAT GOOD.  Yes, you're thin and older and your looks have held up but Mel B. can dance and Marie Osmond does a pretty good job.  Never mind that Marie does have a huge fan base.  But Jane, quit bitchin about the supposed lift and stop sniping about your competitors.  Maybe Abraham Lincoln said it best (who'd have thought that a quote from Lincoln would have anything to do with a dancing show): "You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong."

It's too bad voters cannot pick who gets kicked off because I would most certainly vote for you. 

The Other Mother

I actually found time to read a book this month.  So what if, at times, I had to read it while hiding in the bathroom to get some alone time.  I'm finding that I can sneak away to the bathroom in the basement and close the door, everyone leaves me alone for 30 minutes.  All I need to do is convert the counter top to a desk and I'd be set!

At Chicago Moms Blog and the sister sites, we've started a book club.  While I love the idea of book clubs but not so much the belief that Oprah is the driving force behind book sales, I find that I have a difficult time finding a good book.  So, a book club is perfect because if someone picks the book out for me, that's one less thing for my mind to do.

This month's book club was The Other Mother by Gwendolyn Gross.  Through the 2 characters in the book - Thea (SAHM) and Amanda (Working Mom) - the reader is given 2 different points of view.  Essentially, the topic of the book is about the Mommy Wars which is a topic I hate.  But, I didn't hate the book; I enjoyed it and the characters were somewhat believable although my life is like neither character.

Could I relate to the characters?  Yes because this summer my job was essentially a blend of both characters.  I was able to work at home so I could see the Stay at Home Mom's point of view but I am also the breadwinner and have to work so I could see the working mom point of view.  I was actually left wondering what you would call me as I don't fall into either label neatly.  I was also left wondering when a book would be written about my situation - but I digress.

It was an enjoyable book but it wasn't one that I think would cause great debate except where the topic of the Mommy Wars is concerned.  I enjoyed the writing - it wasn't your typical "chick lit" type of writing where the writer assumes that your brain has gone soft and I would recommend it to friends.  Speaking of which, I've finished my copy of this book and if anyone would like it, please let me know.

Brutally Honest

I don't think it will be any surprise to anyone to read that I struggle with a mild form of depression.  I've talked about it before in previous posts.  The times where it gets a little out of hand (and really, out of hand for me means I am grumpy and yelling) is during "that time of the month" or when I'm not feeling productive.  Usually, if I'm too busy at work I'm not depressed because I wait until the storm dies down before I can schedule a depressive episode.

Right now, I'm just tired and sick.  The boys keep passing their cold to David and then me and then around again.  But, with all the change that has been happening - the good and the bad - I'm tired, exhausted.  I want the world, MY world, to stop and just stand still for one minute.

Last night I carved the pumpkin that Nick picked from his pumpkin patch field trip.  Usually, I do a happy faces on my pumpkins because Halloween is my favorite holiday.  But last night I carved a very scary, angry face because it's just how I felt.  Luckily, the boys liked it and they laughed and laughed as they asked me to turn the lights off over and over again.

Lost Archives Found

I've kept a journal since I was 9 years old and converted to an on line journal sometime in 1997.  I can find my earliest on line entry, a journal on Tripod, dated May 26, 1998.  I've come a long way since then - I believe that on my Tripod journal I used the word "journalizing".  * Evil Grin *.

I moved the journal to a hosting company that would enable me to code my own HTML - which I did in notepad.  Yes, I am a purist and that extends to photography as well as I much prefer black and white film taken on a 100% manual camera.  Sorry - I digress.  It was then I purchased my own HTML (not Chicago Chick) and I was happy with writing my little journal.

Then I started to write more and more and I moved to Type Pad which made it easier and quicker to update.  I fully intended on moving my files from my non-Chicago Chick URL on to Type Pad, but I just never got around to doing it.  What ended up happening was that my URL expired and so did my contract with the hosting company and I lost my archives.

Last night I was doing a random search and found a site (sorry, cannot remember what it is right now) that had my cached pages.  It was a rather complete archive and spanned the lost 2001, 2002, and 2003 entries.  I spent all last night saving the files so that I could "restore" them on my Chicago Chick URL.  I doubt that anybody will read them, but their important to me.  Like having a written history.  I think when it comes down to it, I journal not because I have anything interesting to say but because I like to know where I've been.

The Littlest One

When we finally unpacked the digital camera and took it with us to snap photos of Nick's field trip, I realized that there were a lot of old photos on the memory card.  All of the old photos were from this spring and were taken in our old home - my stomach still tightens when I talk about our old home because it was just so clean and new.

At the end of this year, Alex will turn 2 and sometimes I forget that he isn't 2 yet because he does a great job with keeping up with his older brother.  The photos that I went through show Alex in various states and it amazes me how quckily the go from being babies barely able to walk to toddlers that run amok in your living space (and tugging at your heart strings).  Alex has the same hairdo that I had when I was a kid.  In fact, Alex looks ridiculously like me and even his temperment (sadly) is very much like mine.

So, enjoy - I don't like to post pictures of the boys because of the creepiness and crazies that surronds the Internet:

Alex, David, and Nick (Alex screams with laughter a lot) - 03/2007

 
Alex has A LOT of hair - 03/2007


Alex shortly after a hair cut - 06/2007

It's Been a Long, Long Time

I am beginning to see the light at the end of the very long tunnel and it's not just because of the events that happened earlier this week.  Well, maybe it is - they were pretty B  I  G events and good ones too!  Nick went on his very first field trip this week as well.  There were many firsts this week like the first time Nick rode a school bus ("I love riding the big, yellow school bus!"); the first time Nick rode a horse ("Mommy, look at the fuzzy horses.  There's a black one and there's a brown one."); and the first time that Nick went on a hay ride.

And, although it wasn't the first time that we'd been to Didier Farms - we've gone every year even before the kids - it was nice to see the boys have as good a time as they did.  It's been a long, hard year and for the first time in a long time I've felt like each day hasn't been the "same ole daily grind."  Knock on wood this upward swing continues.

Another yearly visit to Didier Farms - 10/23/2007

 
Nick on a horse - 10/23/2007

I Had No Idea I Was Holding My Breath For So Long

Yesterday I took Nick to have yet another evaluation.  This time it was a 90 minute speech evaluation by the fine folks at the Pathways Center.  While I don't believe that Nick is autistic, there is someone in my family who does and until that person gets off my back, I will forever be wondering if what I see is not real.  David, most family members, and friends who have come into contact with Nick don't believe that he is autistic either.  Even with a medical diagnosis, I don't believe that the family member who is convinced that Nick is autistic will ever just leave it alone.

There are some good things about Early Intervention (EI), but I truly believe that Nick's evaluation may not have been accurate.  When the folks at EI came to evaluate Nick, it was early and Nick was tired and hungry.  What was truly maddening for me was that if Nick could not do something in the time frame in which they asked - and they only asked once - then it was considered a delay.  Additionally, they didn't really tell me what they were looking for or what the task was supposed to show.  The entire evaluation lasted 45 minutes for both speech, developmental, and about 10 minutes of talking and wrap up.

What was even more frustrating was that the report from the evaluation was not sent to us until 2 to 3 months after it had taken place.  And then, what was written in the report was not accurate (i.e., the report said that Nick STOPPED talking at 18 months which was furthest from the truth).  I'm not saying that EI is not worthwhile because I really believe that it is.  What I am saying is that MY experience with EI was less than stellar.  However, the therapists that worked with Nick, especially the developmental therapist was awesome.

During the yesterday's speech evaluation, the speech therapist would test Nick and then explain what she was looking for.  She also recognized that Nick was a little tired towards the end of the 90 minute evaluation.  When she asked him to do a task and he refused, she would go on to something else and then circle back to see if he could do the task that he refused to do.  What David and I appreciated the most was when she gave her evaluation she said, "There were a couple of things that he didn't do but I wasn't sure if he was just being silly or if he truly couldn't do them so I came back and repeated the test.  In some cases he couldn't do the task and in other cases, it was clearly his mood."

After the 90 minute evaluation, I exhaled and it was then that I realized that I had been holding my breath all this time.  Throughout all the evaluations I wondered if people saw what I saw or if I was just imaging the things that Nick could do.  In the end, I received some validation that I wasn't just seeing things.  In fact, there were things that Nick was asked to do that I had no idea he could do!  The speech therapist said that she wasn't concerned, but if I truly wanted to make sure that his development was on track that we could sign him up for speech therapy twice a month.  After a couple of months, we could do re-evaluate to see how he was doing.

It's not over yet - Nick still has a developmental evaluation through Pathways some time soon.  But, I feel good that the things that I KNOW I see Nick do aren't a figment of my imagination.

Do You Believe What They Say?

After a period of stressing out on my part, I was able to garner a job offer from a small, local consulting firm.  My friend, Mama Eye, reminded me that this company was there and suggested that I take a look at it again.  She was right and was able to talk me off the ledge of self-doubt once I did receive the offer from them.

Truthfully, I was starting to enjoy working for my current company but events that occurred recently (i.e., temporary loss of health benefits and management not being forthcoming on the truth in many areas) have made me very uncomfortable  And, if it were just David and me, I wouldn't balk at taking a risk.

The process included giving references always happens right before the offer is given and for some reason it just felt like it took forever.  The whole thing about giving references is that they know that you're going to give the names of people who will give positive references about you.

There are many things that could be said such as "She's an excellent team player." or "She really works hard."  Then there are the not so great things that could be said - because nobody is perfect.  The thing is do you believe what they say?  In celebrity interviews, the question "Do you read what they write about you?" is almost always asked and this question could be applied to non-celebs.  Do you buy into the good and the bad things that people say about you and if you do, how does it affect you?

In my case, I am definitely my own worst critic because I seem to focus on the not so good that is said about me and I tend to discount the positive stuff.  Not sure why that is but it is.  I am hoping that someday soon I learn my own worth, but I know that is not an easy lesson for most of us.

Grrrr . . .

I am the biggest grouch this week and there's no real reason for it.  Maybe it's the change in the weather or the stage of the moon.  Who knows.  If someone can tell me where I can go to get this rather large stick that has made its home up my a$$, I would appreciate it.

I just know that I hate feeling all grumpy and naggy and whatnot.  Pfft!  Maybe if I go lay down somewhere the feeling will just pass.

Cooler Heads MUST Prevail

Like the bumbling person I have become, I should have realized that the calm that came between the day that we closed on the sale of our home and the craziness that is about to ensue is something that I should have enjoyed.  But, because I am who I am and I like to pick at stuff when life seems to be giving me a break I didn't.  All it took was a phone call and for the person on the other end of the line to sound "iffy" and WHOOOOSH the churning in my stomach is off and running.

I know that when we get to the end of what is to come, it will be worth it.  The winds of change are upon my family again and they need to be able to count on someone who isn't going to crack under the pressure.  I don't intend to crack under the pressure of what is to come, but my stomach is churning already.  I can only believe that I will handle this with a cool head and not fly off the handle, but past history has shown that isn't always the case.  But, I know that if I don't learn a lesson that's presented to me then I end up learning it again and I don't intend for that to happen with this particular "lesson".

So what's up?  I don't really want to go into it - if you know me personally feel free to call me and I will explain.  Everyone at home is healthy and fine and (as far as I know) I still have a job that pays a salary.  For now, I need to leave the planning and paper shuffling to the party that I spoke to this afternoon and trust that they will keep a cool head as well.  Hopefully they'll realize that it's important for them to keep me posted and not to fly off the handle at me.  I'm skittish when it comes to dealing with this person, what can I say I just am.

A Matter of Perspective

I have been feeling really, really yucky lately and it's probably because of what I've been eating.  Lots and lots of crappy food like Fritos and fast food.  It's making me feel yucky and I was telling my friend, JS - a friend of my friend Maria.

JS works at Children's Memorial Hospital and spends most of her days with young oncology patients.  She has lots of stories to tell - some happy and some sad - but one of the things that I love about JS is that she tells the right stories at the right time.  So, when I'm bitching about how crappy my life is, she tells us stories that makes me realize that my life isn't so bad.

Most of her stories aren't sad; in fact I would say that they are pretty humorous.  The other day she told me the following story about a 7 year old oncology/heart transplant patient (which made me laugh really hard that I almost peed my pants):

Joe was a 7 year old oncology patient who needed a heart transplant due to damage from chemotherapy.  Joe made it through the heart transplant with flying colors.  Later that year, Mark - another 7 year old oncology patient - needed a heart transplant and the staff at the hospital thought it would be good for Mark to talk to Joe about what it would be like to go through the procedure.

Joe agreed and the hospital staff, Joe, and Mark sat down together to talk.  JS introduced Joe to Mark and told him that Joe went through the same procedure and if he had any questions to ask Joe about what it was like Joe would be happy to answer them.  Joe was told that if there was anything that he wanted to tell Mark about the procedure then that would be great.

Joe nodded his head and sat for a moment thoughtfully.  He then said, "You know, when you go into the operating room you've got underwear on and then when you wake up in the recovery room, the underwear - dude - your underwear's GONE."  Mark sat there wide-eyed and nodded in understanding.

JS said that she almost peed in her pants.  It was a glimpse into what it was like to be 7 years old again.  Okay, maybe an extra-special 7 year old, but a 7 year old nonetheless.  Worrying about taking your medicine and the pain and survival - that kind of stuff is for the adults to worry about.  But the underwear, oh the underwear, now that was something that, as a 7 year old, you had to be concerned about.  And FYI - both boys are doing just fine and are probably about 11 or 12 by now.

So . . . How Goes the Dress Rehearsal?

In a previous post, I talked about starting 2008 early as far as New Year's Resolutions go.  It's the end of the week and I have to say that I'm not doing too, too bad.  There are some things that I meant to do, but didn't and there are some things that I ended up starting early.  For example, I haven't made it to the gym yet and I still have to make up a gym schedule that I can live with.  On the other hand, I did start cooking this week when really that wasn't supposed to happen until next month.

But, the point of starting 2008 early was to have a "dress rehearsal" and the point of having New Year's Resolutions is to set goal that stretch you and make you a better person.  At least, that's what I think New Year's Resolutions are for.  There are personal things that I've been attending to that I'd rather not write about and then there are the things that are kid/parent related that I've been struggling through.

I'm happy to report that things in casa de Chicago Chick are better and less stressful - at least for the kids which is the whole point.  I appreciate the advice (unsolicited or solicited) because it's always constructive.  Now that I've said that I'm hoping that I don't get the "Gawd, you're a douche-bag and a crappy parent and you should be reported to DCFS" type of comments.  I also appreciate the supportive comments because as it was said in Scream-Free Parenting, parenting is not for cowards.

I've Missed the Point Entirely!

I have been very stressed out over Nick and his slight developmental delay (per the 15 minute assessment provided by the preschool screening last week).  There are other things that have added to my stress level such as work, which I will not talk about, so much so that I am finding that my patience with my sons and husband has become extremely short.

It's enough for me to want to just give up, but I'm not that kind of person.  Ultimately what ends up happening is that I end up yelling - because I'm a yeller; sorry but I am - then stomping off to cool down, then coming back to pick at the situation some more, and then stomping off again.  What finally ends up happening is that I am reduced to tears because I have no control over the situation and really, what all the dramatics is about is control.  My lack of control over the situation and ultimately, the other person or persons.

I knew that I was a control freak; I've been one ever since I could remember.  I've always thought that it was best to do things yourself and to only rely on yourself because in the end you'll never be disappointed.  As the years have gone by, I realized that there are only so many things that you can control but that hasn't stopped me from trying to gain control over them.  I feel as though I've finally met my match with my sons.

It's not a surprise to me that they have free will.  What is surprising to me is that my sons are probably as controlling, if not more, than I am.  They have youth and stamina on their side whereas I am a thirty-something adult (I use that term loosely) with a lot of responsibilities and a lot of "stuff" to do.  I am tired and their energy outweighs my experience and in the end, they "win" almost every time.

This does not mean that I let them have their way.  Instead I give them choices, but lately Nick has come up with his own options.  So, if I say you can have either A or B Nick comes up with option C to which I repeat "A or B."  It's humorous but exhausting.  Sometimes I wonder if giving up - giving up control or the need for control - means giving in.  I know that's not the case, but sometimes I just wonder. 

The truth of the matter is this: This parenting thing is kicking my a$$.  And, in my zeal to make sure that Nick is "okay" I've missed the point entirely.  I did not have children because I needed something in my life to control or because I wanted extra aggravation.  The reasons for having them are numerous and very hard to explain.  I want to enjoy my family and the way I have been behaving lately is not conducive to that at all.

Tagged - I'm It

Geraly of Mamazilla tagged me for this meme.  BTW Geraly, I still have your swag bag and I swear I will get it to you if I have to mail it to you.  Actually, I think it would be a good excuse for me to take you out for coffee away from your kids and hubby for an hour.  I'll send you an e-mail.  I have to thank Geraly for the comment that she wrote on my last post:

"i figure the true test is if the kids are alive at the end of the day then clearly, i've done my job."

Sometimes I forget to enjoy life and the kids and not take everything so seriously.

1. Hardcover or paperback and why? Neither - I'm a huge audible convert because I don't have time to read.  I should say that I'm never left alone to read.



2. If I were to own a book shop I would call it: I would call it the hideout and you would need a password to get in.  Only parents would be allowed and you could only stay for a couple of hours.  If your kids called, they would automatically be given a "sorry your parents are unavailable, but please leave a message and they will return their call as soon as they can" message.


3. My favorite quote from a book (mention the title) is… I think the quote would be "Tell about the rabbits" from Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck.  I love this quote because it's what my husband says to me when I ask him to repeat a story for the bazillionth time.  I crack up every time he says this to me.
   
   My other favorite quote is from Life's Little Instruction Book that goes "Be bold and courageous.  When you look back on your life you will regret the things you didn't do more than the ones that you did."



4. The author (alive or deceased) I would love to have lunch with would be…: Probably John Steinbeck because I love his books the most and also Harper Lee because my most favorite book is To Kill a Mocking Bird.



5. If I was going to a deserted island and could only bring one book, except for the SAS survival guide, it would be…: To Kill a Mocking Bird



6. I would love someone to invent a bookish gadget that… I have to agree with Geraly on this one - "would physically transport me into a story/book to observe everything as if i was there - eating, dancing, fighting, riding trains, shopping at markets with characters."



7. The smell of an old book reminds me of… The time I was in 2nd grade and I found a book in the school library that was written like 30 years before.  It was a Betsy, Tacy, and Tibb book and I was convinced that I had found treasure.



8. If I could be the lead character in a book (mention the title), it would be…: I honestly have NO idea!



9. The most overestimated book of all time is…: Any book that was on Oprah Winfrey's book club list.  Okay, let me explain - anytime there was a book on Oprah's list, it seemed to become a best seller SOLELY based on the fact that Oprah fans bought it
   
   I'll admit that there were some good books on there, but one should decide what a good book is based on reading it and not just going out to buy it because "Oprah said" it was a good book.  It's gotten so bad for me that if it was on her list, I purposely won't buy it.



10. I hate it when a book… Rhymes.  It's the kid books that make me crazy lately.  I know that they're good kid books, but I'm tired of the "moon, june, spoon" stuff.

If you're interested in doing this meme, tag your it.  Just let me know that you did it so I can link to you.

Scream Free My Ass (I Need a Vacation)

I made Nick a grilled cheese sandwich after he asked over and over for one.  After burning 2 of them on the freakin' electric stove that the Temp House has, I set a perfectly crafted grilled cheese sandwich in front of him.  He looked at me and said, "NO! Don't want to eat.  Nothing says I appreciate you and your parenting efforts more than an ungrateful toddler.

Yes, yes, I know that as a parent I should never expect to be appreciated.  But I am tired, I am annoyed, and I am FED UP!  People, I am going on strike starting today!  I don't care if my family's clothes are dirty and frankly I don't care if they eat cookies all day.  I  HAVE  HAD  IT!

Yesterday I was trying to teach Nick how to draw a circle and a line.  Last week we took advantage of the local park district's "preschool assessment" (read: Early Intervention type assessment).  I decided to take Nick and Alex to this because I'm still fearful of the "ghost of autism" that I think may pop its head out and surprise me if I'm not looking.

Apparently, Nick didn't draw a circle and line on command when asked and (surprise, surprise) they think he's developmentally behind.  So we had a coloring and drawing session yesterday because I'm nuts and I think that Nick may actually be behind.  He sat there and drew a circle and a line and looked at me like I was crazy and then proceeded to write all over the kitchen table with the marker I gave him.  I didn't scream at him, but I walked away - to avoid yelling.

If one of the principles of "Scream-Free Parenting" is to calm yourself down before you react, then I need a very VERY long vacation.  I'm going to need more than just a minute to calm down before I can pull myself together for the next year or so.

What's Cooking?

Since we've moved and I cannot find any place that I can call a favorite (yet), I've been doing a lot of cooking.  Our Realtor gave us a gift certificate to Crate and Barrel so we decided to use it to purchase a food processor.  It turned out to be a really good investment - our Realtor was generous but the not so generous that we didn't have to lay out some extra cash to buy the food processor.

There's been a lot of hoopla around Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook - so much so that the local bookstores have sold out of the book.  I guess I was lucky because I purchased "The Sneaky Chef" by Missy Chase Lapine and found it to be such a useful resource.  I can't say whether one book is better than the other because I haven't looked at Jessica Seinfeld's book.

I've decided, as part of my New Years Resolutions for 2008, to do some menu planning.  Off to the left under the about me section, you'll see a link called "What's to Eat?".  If you click on this link you'll see my menu planning ideas and if you click on the link on the planned dish, you'll see that I've given you the recipe, instructions, and my family's review.  Let me know if you have any ideas - I know that my boys will get sick of eating chicken soon and there are only so many ways to cook it.

Do You Love Him Yet?

I had lunch with one of my old neighbors last week.  The funny thing about it was that we had never had lunch together until after I moved away.  I have no idea why we didn't get together for lunch before because we've always had a great time when I stopped by while she was home with her son.  Her son is such a cutie-pie with the roundest, biggest brown eyes and infectious smile you've ever seen.

My neighbor, A, and I have a lot in common.  Both of us found ourselves expecting rather unexpectedly and both of us seem to have the same outlook on how becoming a mother has changed our lives.  At lunch we talked about how her son has changed her life.  A told me a story about how it was about the 3rd day when she was in the hospital and her parents were visiting when her parents asked her this question:

"So, do you love him yet?"

She said that she felt a little insulted because what mother wouldn't love her child.  But, she also said that she felt a little "found out" because deep inside she wondered how in the world they could have known that she may not absolutely love her new baby.  There are so many mothers instantly say that they love their babies the moment they set eyes on them and I wonder if they are being truthful.

I would be a liar to say that I loved them the moment that they were born.  It's not that I didn't love them instantly - I did feel a sense of responsibility and felt ridiculously protective of them the moment that they were born.  So, I wonder if somehow I am broken.  Do mothers feel an instant love for their babies the moment they set eyes on them?  I wonder if I am in the minority with the way that I (and A) felt.  Maybe people don't really want to talk about it because it's taboo; it's not that I disliked my sons but I felt other things like tired and shocked and a sense that my life would never be the same again.  I guess you could equate it to the feelings you'd feel when you've been told that someone close to you has died; it's a shock.

I think that that story that A told me really hit home for me.  I can completely understand what A's mother and father were talking about and it was a relief to hear that someone else understood.  So does A love him yet?  She would tell me "Yes, of course what a silly thing to ask.  But, it took until a week after they got home."  I completely understood!

Scream Free Parenting, Part II

I wrote a post earlier this month about the book Scream Free Parenting by Hal Runkel.  In my post I talked about how I just started to apply the principles of the book to my parenting approach.  I also talked about how it wasn't going so well.

I have not read more of the book since I haven't really had the time.  The principles of the book still stick with me, but it is difficult to change things overnight.  I am a very animated person which affects the way I parent.  I laugh LOUDLY; I praise my children LOUDLY; and unfortunately I yell.  I am a yelling parent and I'm trying to calm down.  But it's difficult to change the spots of this leopard and for now I fear that I am failing the Scream Free Parenting tests - if there are any.

Granted, I am aware of the yelling and I try to calm down before I say anything to my boys.  But there are times when you need to give feedback on a timely basis and sometimes I don't have the minute or so to calm down.  Does this mean that I beat my kids?  Good GOD no - I believe in spanking in that there may be a little paddle on the bottom when warranted.  There is no "beating" in that my sons will NEVER be hit with a belt or spoon or shoe and things will NEVER be thrown across the room at them.

There will be no belittling of them or verbal abuse either.  The times that I do yell do not make me feel good and I'm getting better.  And, I think the boys are getting wily in their old age in that they see that certain things upset me.  When they see that I can calm down and handle it in a reasonable way, they do something else to get my dander up.  I'm thinking that this is the way it may be for a while with me trying to calm down and finally getting a grip and the boys trying a new tactic to try to get my undies in a bunch.  At least it's entertaining for someone.

Methinks I need to get back to reading that book.  Cross posted in Chicago Moms Blog.

Announcing: The New Year

When I started writing out my 2008 To Do List, which starts today (October 15th), I realized that if I sat down and wrote an entire list out for 2008 that I may be setting myself up for failure.  So, instead, I decided that I would do a list for 3 months ahead of time.  This way I have time to update the list as I go.  In hindsight, maybe it would be better if I selected a couple of goals and then used the to do list as a way to break up tasks to get me to that goal.

I'm probably thinking waaaay too much about the 2008 To Do List; after all, it is still 2007.  So here it is so far, the 2008 Yearly To Do List (Starting in October, 2007):

2008 Yearly To Do List

October 2007 (Dress Rehearsal)
* Drink 64 oz of water/day
* Sit up straight
* Go to gym 2x/ week (Fri: Step at 9:00a, Sat: Step at 10:00)
* Take the boys to pumpkin patch
* Write X-mas list and budget
* Plan Nov's menu

November 2007 (Dress Rehearsal Cont'd)
* Drink 64 oz of water/day
* Sit up straight
* Go to gym 3x/ week (Fri: Step at 9:00a, Sat: Step at 10:00)
* Try a new restaurant in the 'burbs
* Make Nov's menu
* Plan Dec's menu
* Shoot and develop a roll of film
* Finish X-mas shopping

December 2007 (Dress Rehearsal Cont'd)
* Drink 64 oz of water/day
* Sit up straight
* Go to gym 3x/ week (Fri: Step at 9:00a, Sat: Step at 10:00)
* Yoga class 1x/ week
* Try a new restaurant in the 'burbs
* Make Dec's menu
* Plan Jan's menu
* Shoot and develop a roll of film
* Go to Zoo Lights
* Update 2008 Yearly To Do List

January 2008 - THE REAL DEAL
* Drink 64 oz of water/day
* Sit up straight
* Go to gym 3x/ week (Fri: Step at 9:00a, Sat: Step at 10:00)
* Yoga class 1x/ week
* Try a new restaurant in the 'burbs
* Make Jan's menu
* Plan Feb's menu
* Shoot and develop a roll of film
* Update 2008 Yearly To Do List

Rehearsing for 2008

I've written in the past about how 2007 has not been that great and I mentioned putting together my new year's resolutions for 2008.  A couple of days ago I woke up and thought that maybe it would be a good idea if I put the 2008 "Yearly To Do List" together early and started on it later this month or in November.  Imagine my surprise when I received a comment from Mamas Got Moxie that said, "i hope the rest of your year isn't so sucky and hey, why wait until 2008 to start change? there's no good time like the present!!"

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who has these ideas (read: I'm not the only crazy one in this world and you know that crazy loves company).  With things settling down, I want to salvage what's left of 2007.  Imagine that - I don't want to wallow in the sucky things that have happened this year.  Underneath it all, I AM an optimist; if I weren't an optimist I doubt that I would bother to get up in the morning.

There is so much good stuff left in 2007 - there's Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  And, while I realize that there may be some bumps in the road ahead, I don't want to think about the bumps.  I want to enjoy dressing the boys up as firefighters for Halloween and enjoy putting up a real Christmas tree for the first time in 3 years.  I also want to spend some time getting to know the town that I live in (really, the town that is nearby to the Temp House that we currently live in).

So, I will be working on the 2008 Yearly To Do List today in hopes that I can rehearse for 2008 in the last months of this year.  I'm thinking a return to yoga class is going to be one of the items on the list.