Chicago Chick

What I Really Want to Do

Before I go on my tirade, I just want to say Happy Leap Year!  So now on to the tirade . . .

I'm sick - sick with a fever, a sore throat, a stuffy head, and I slept in a strange position so now my neck is ridiculously stiff.  To top it off, being sick makes me sad - depressed - whatever you call it but it isn't good.  I get moody and the fact that I sat at home with my littlest guy while David took the older one to preschool and took my place as the "helping" parent made it worse.  The little one heard David get into the car and start it and he immediately started yelling and screaming.  The phrase, "I want to ride in the mommy car." screamed in various shrieking tones for the first 15 minutes was enough to make me want to stab myself in the eye.  But, he carried on for 90 minutes; his little feet were kicking and since he was sick his nose was running green gooey snot.

Once David and the older one got back from preschool, the littlest guy had settled down but now was ready to run around the house with his brother.  A full glass of water was spilled on the floor, David wanted help cleaning up, and I just wanted to put my head through a plate-glass window.  In hind-sight I should have taken some Nyquil and just called it a day but I guess I'm just not that smart.

To David's credit, he decided to take the boys on a car ride but the older one was not going to have any of it.  He wanted me to get into the car with them and he cried for the first 5 minutes of the drive.  David brought him back home and dropped him off with me - yes, David brought him back.  So much for trying to get any rest because now the one that David dropped off is running around and jumping off of things.  I'm looking at this child and wondering whose child he is and why is this happening to me!?!  What I really want to do is run away - run far, far away!

Rites of Passage

Today David and I closed on the house and I'm hoping that this is the beginning of things settling down.  When we were going through the bazillion reams of paper there was one that told us when our first mortgage payment would be.  It just so happens that the first payment is due April 1st.  Oddly enough that is the same day that we closed on the purchase of our place in Chicago several years ago.  It's also the day that eons ago, I lost - er - something else.

I'm a girl and I keep track of silly things like dates and songs and places when things happened, so it isn't surprising that I happen to attach some importance to a date like April 1st.  Oddly enough, it's a day in my life where good things seem to happen - the month of April in general is one where good things happen.  Contrast that to October where not so great things seem to happen.  Funny, I enjoy October much more than April but that isn't a surprise.

Why is Six Afraid of Seven?

I am very fortunate that my job allows me to work from home especially when I'm sick.  My sick time comes out of the same PTO bank as my vacation and the days when I feel like crap but not crappy enough NOT to work I can work from home.  Sorry - have just taken (FINALLY) some cold medicine and I am a little off.  It's funny because I planned on taking said cold medicine around lunchtime today but here it is 6 hours later and I've finally just gotten around to it.

Today was filled with some online training, talking to my manager - several times, and doing some self study on an application that fits in with the other applications I know.  I got more accomplished today at home with a cold and 2 cranky toddlers than I would have in the office.  In the office, I get to see people I haven't seen in a while.  But, part of my day was spent constantly answering my oldest son's question.  I say question and not questionS because it was the same question over and over and over again.

Actually, it was a riddle.  While I was trying to do some online training, I was asked "Mommy, why is 6 afraid of 7?".  And then while I was changing his pull ups and talking to my manager, I was asked, "Mommy, why is 6 afraid of 7?".  Then when I was answering e-mails from the guy who is supposed to take my place at the client I just rolled off, I was asked, "Mommy, why is 6 afraid of 7?"

Each time I answered with, "I don't know honey, why is 6 afraid of 7?" even though I knew perfectly well why 6 was afraid of 7.  But, as someone fortunate enough to work from home when I feel crappy I love seeing my sons happy faces and delivering the punchline of the riddle seemed to make my oldest son really, REALLY happy.

So, why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 ate 9 (get it 7 - 8 - 9).  Somehow it doesn't generate the laughs in a blog that it does in person.  Trust me - it's a hoot!

Back to Normal - Whatever That Is

Today was my first day on the bench and it felt good to be back at the office.  I got to say hello to the recruiter dude who is really nice and there are a few people who work at my company that I ran into in the past.  Catching up with everyone was fun even though being on the bench is not fun.  I am hoping that I won't be on the bench for long since my manager has talked to me about a few things that are going on.

Predictably I saw the sales guy who thought nothing of extending me on a project where I wasn't happy and was being harassed by the project manager.  And, as I suspected he merely said hello to me as I walked past in the hallway.  I don't have anything good to say about this guy except that he taught me a very valuable lesson and that is that people should not be treated as inventory to earn a dollar.  He also taught me that I should be careful about giving people the benefit of the doubt.  Not exactly a lesson that I wanted to learn but a lesson none-the-less.

I am amazed at how I've been able to escape becoming a cynic.  There have been a lot of times when I've given people the benefit of the doubt and have been disappointed.  But, I am stupid in that I look back on a bad time and try to find something good in the misery.  I would rather remember the good stuff than let the bad crap eat me alive.  It's a "Mary Poppins" view of the world (as one client CIO told me), but it's the way I chose to survive the bad stuff.

Adding Insult to Injury

I was settling down with the boys who are recovering from colds - Alex now worse than Nick - and was going to listen to some tunes on my iPod.  I spent a few minutes looking for the newest CD that I bought and realized that I had left it in the laptop that I returned to my last client.  The CD was purchased on impulse at my last trip to Starbucks and I was surprised that it was actually pretty good.  Or at least the half of it I listened to.

That's right - I had only listened to a couple of songs before I stopped listening to it.  I think I had to run off to a slew of meetings and never got around to listening to the rest of it.  Bummer because it was pretty good and sadly I cannot remember the name of the CD.  So not only did I have to deal with the limp-dick PMO guy who wasn't man enough to tell me himself that he wanted to roll me off the project and then have to deal with defending myself because the wimpy guy wants "relief" from billing, but I lost a perfectly good CD that I hadn't completely listened to this client.  Oh yeah, and the transition guy e-mailed me for help on Friday.

Talk about adding insult to injury!

Assholes in the Sandbox

I just finished writing a post about my day at work yesterday but I decided not to post it especially after reading yet another article about how someone got fired from their job because of a personal blog.  Seriously, I don't need any more drama in my life.

Yesterday - 12 hours ago - I was finally allowed to roll off my current project.  The circumstances aren't what I'd hope they would be and it wasn't the way I wanted it to end, but as I've been reminded by everyone I've recounted the story to "you can't always get what you want."  I honestly believe that this is going to be the tag line of my year.

But, that was 12 hours ago and I've gone from amazement to disbelief to outrage to acceptance and joy and somewhere in that 12 hour time frame I managed to get 7 hours of sleep.  And like everything else in my life, when I look back I realize that I've learned some very valuable lessons that I can pass on to my boys like one should have the courage of their convictions and that sometimes people will disappoint you, but it shouldn't keep you from giving others the benefit of the doubt.

The biggest lesson from this is one that my friend, D, said to me after I recounted the entire story to her and it is that you should learn to read people and be able to communicate with the different personality types.  Actually it was more along the lines of:

"The world is like a sandbox and there are people who are in that sandbox who are assholes and will always be assholes.  And there are people who are in that sandbox who are supposed to control the assholes, but choose not to because they fear the assholes.  At the end of the day, you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and say that I did the best that I could dealing with the assholes and I myself did not turn into an asshole."

Interesting.

Worried Way More than I Should Be?

It has been a rough day and not just because I spent the day at the pediatrician's office hoping that they could work us into their already busy schedule.  Apparently, we weren't the only ones that were in the unenviable situation of having sick children and not having an appointment.  Luckily we were able to get in but had to wait almost the entire day to get in.  The boys are fine, but were given throat cultures in case they had strep.  Apparently that's going around.

The saga of rolling of the current project I am on continues.  My manager finally just let the client know that I would be rolling off the project at the end of this month.  My manager (let's call him O) told me that he e-mailed the sales guy to let him know that they needed to communicate to the client that the end of the month would be my last day.  And, the sales guy - who seemingly sold me up the river more than once - responded by asking O "what if they want Irene to stay longer".

Huh!?!  I thought we had this conversation yet again this past Friday and we all agreed that THIS Friday would be my last day.  So, to extend it out from the 15th to the 23rd and again to the 29th was not my idea and then to be asked by smarmy sales guy "what if they want Irene to stay longer" just makes me crazy.  I am starting to wonder if it's my company's position to have their consultants stay in an abusive situation.

Still, I feel as though I'm in a tough spot because if I don't just suck it up, I may end up unassigned and on the bench.  And, if I hit the bench I may be fodder for layoffs which would not be good given the impending economic climate.  I know that I'm in the right because I did everything that I should given the abusive situation I am in but it's not a good feeling being made to feel that you have no choice.

Out of Control

This week is already shaping up to be a doosey especially since I've been told that I will not be rolling off this project until who-knows-when.  It doesn't bother me that I'll be on this project longer than I expected but what does bother me is the fact that I have no control over this.  The sales guy who is responsible for taking care of the account that I am assigned to has pretty much sold me up the river.

What I mean is that we had a conference call this past Friday to discuss what was going to happen with my roll-off date and he turned around and made a side deal with this client to extend my roll off date to who knows when.  I'm tired of being the pawn in this whole thing.  It's annoying and it's disrespectful to me.  I cannot believe that this guy is willing to give me up for a few bucks.  Sometimes I feel like I'm a prostitute.  Actually, I am - I'm a white collar prostitute.  Thank God I have a nice looking brain!

(Not) Losing My Religion

I went to mass for the first time in a very long time today.  I was raised in a strict Roman Catholic household and went to Catholic school as a child but when we moved to the 'burbs while I was in high school, I found that I went to church less and less.  When we lived in Chicago and I was attending Catholic school, I went to church with my class once a week and on my own every Sunday.  My parents didn't need to nag me go to because I just did.

It was a different story when we moved to the 'burbs because I went to a public high school and I had a hard time adjusting to life away from the city.  What can I say - some things never seem to change.  I didn't have ties to the parish that my family belonged to at the new place and if it weren't for the fact that the suburb we moved to was between where David's family lived and where my family lived we probably wouldn't have gotten married at the church in that Chicago suburb.

In my quest to find a Catholic school that will provide a good education for my sons, I settled on a nearby parish to join.  Yes, it sounds terrible that I would join a parish because I want to send my sons to that school, but it is what it is.  I went to the evening mass tonight and was pleasantly surprised (and somewhat relieved).  Surprised because the church didn't crumble around me when I entered.  I am ashamed to admit that I haven't been to church on a regular basis in probably a decade.  But, I was also surprised to feel so welcome.

Honestly, it was like coming home because everything was so familiar.  I'm not sure if that was because the Roman Catholic church doesn't change much and things were pretty much the same or because I was ready to go back.  There was something so comforting about being there.  It was strange because I thought I had become a cynic.

Tougher than it Looks

I remember not too long ago I was the best parent in the world and I didn't even have children.  With my niece and nephew is was so easy to criticize what my sister in law and brother didn't do right or could have done better.  It's similar to the phenomenon that we seem to know everything - more than our parents do - when we reach the age of 14 or 15, but when we get to be real adults (whatever that age may be) we realize that we know close to nothing.

I really thought that being a parent to boys would be much easier than girls because girls were sensitive and whiny.  Again, I stand corrected because boys can be every bit as whiny as little girls.  Last month my friend from college had a baby boy and another one of my school chums as well as my sister will have babies this month.  All 3 of them are having their second baby and they are pros in parenting.  Well, as much of a "pro" as you can be.

The surprising thing about being pregnant, having the baby, and delving into parenthood is that people don't tell you the straight story.  You don't get a lot of the "ugly" truth especially about the pregnancy thing.  But, the "ugly" continues because being a parent is the hardest job in the world albeit the most rewarding one that I have had.

I ask co-workers, friends, and relatives who have older children (ranging in age between 5 years old and 30 years old) if it gets any easier.  They tell the truth because they say that it doesn't get harder, but it doesn't get easier - it's just different.

Held Captive

I had hoped to finish up and finally just roll off the project I'm on but I don't think that is going to happen this week.  I keep getting things assigned to me and what has turned into a 2 week transition is getting longer.  Maybe it doesn't help that I get things done quickly but it's because I keep thinking that if I can get stuff done quickly then I can get the heck off the project.

The transition person I am working with is a little slow on the uptake and I can see in the eyes of the project manager that he's not cutting it.  It's a little scary because I am not willing to stay on if they decide that transition guy isn't working out.  In reality, I feel extremely trapped.  So much so that each day it gets harder and harder to go in and be productive.  Add to that the fact that I've come down with a cold and it makes for difficult days.

I know that it will all be over soon and maybe one day I will look back at this time and see that it wasn't so bad after all.  I'm hoping that will be case.

Ready for Another "Excellent" Week

It's Sunday - quite possibly my least favorite day of the week - and I think that it's going to be my last week on this assignment.  But, if you're the client PMO guy you'd probably think otherwise.  I've completed the majority of my work and have a couple of test scripts to write and a document on the options of how to track testing issues and testing support.  The entire effort should take at most 2 days.

But, if you're the guy taking my place on the project you're probably going to think that there is at least 2 more weeks of work.  Fine - if you want to pay me to sit for 2 weeks and do nothing then maybe I shouldn't complain.  Still, it's annoying especially when I was told that I wasn't adding any value and people were losing confidence in my ability to carry out my assigned duties.  I was also told that someone - the now project manager - could complete my work stream in a day.  So far, I've been told that she said it would take more than a month to complete my work.  Funny how this has seemed to play out.

Honestly this is the first time that I've even thought about the coming week.  Nick and I spent today on Star Falls, a web site that has been great with helping me teach Nick the alphabet sounds.  And, Nick has started reading words - small ones like "seed", "ran", and "yard" - and learning how to rhyme.  David has tried to stump him with words Nick hasn't heard of like "reel" and "shrink" but Nick has been able to sound out the letters and spell the word back to David.  So yes, there are more important and rewarding things than getting along with a nasty project manager.

The Husband of My Dreams Wears a Yellow Hat

This weekend I was snuggling in bed with my boys - sans the husband - and as they started falling asleep I realized how cool being a parent is.  Okay, so it isn't glamorous and it doesn't pay well, but I still think it's the coolest job in the world.  There are things that go with being a parent that I don't particularly care for like being tired all the time and having to watch children's television over and over again.

Really, watching the same episodes of Curious George over and over again can be taxing.  It gets scary when your dreams start including the fuzzy monkey and being married to the Man with the Yellow Hat.  Frightening.  Then there is the fact that things are sticky.  Okay, so maybe life is less sticky than I first thought it would be.  Still, I don't think that there is a parent out there that wouldn't love to have a night of peace and quiet - without dreams of the Man with the Yellow Hat

Weekday Wrap Up

It's been a long week - especially since I told the client PMO guy that I wasn't going to accept his solution to the issue I've been having with the project manager.  We had a transition meeting later on Monday and there were 3 things that I was assigned to finish before my departure.  This past week, the list has grown and my time has been extended from a 2 week wrap up to something more like a 3 to 4 week wrap up.

Yesterday, the person who is taking my place - a consultant for the same company as the project manager - started assigning more things for me to do and I pushed back.  He got a little freaked out and I think he's feeling a little nervous about taking over although he's had no qualms about butting in on my meetings uninvited.  And, the project manager who I've been told has said that she could complete testing in one day is in the background prodding the guy who's taking my place.  David thinks it's funny because now they're seeing that I do add value when all along they were saying that I didn't.

I don't think it's funny; I think it's sad because this all could have been avoided.  I had talked to the client PMO every week since I was assigned to the project about this issue and he chose to do nothing about it.  I spoke to him yesterday about how things were going with the transition and how the replacement was adding more things to my plate.  PMO guy said that there was no time in place when I would be leaving, but instead needed to pitch in and finish the testing pieces

I reminded him why we were in this situation in the first place and politely let him know that I would be finished with my work by the end of next week thus giving the client and the replacement guy 2 weeks of transition time.  Seriously, the PMO guy continues as if I agreed to his solution (because that's what's in place now) and I'm going to continue there for another month.

Lordy I am Exhausted

Oooooh-Weeeee I am exhausted!  I'm tired to the very marrow of my bones and I realized that just sitting here on the couch.  David took the boys to his parents' house yesterday and I sat on the couch watching television after a very mentally tiring day at work.  I sat and gorged myself on TiVoed television, some reality television, and a couple of sit coms that were actually new (mid-season shows that were shot before the writer's strike started).

With my a$$ plastered to the couch - hey, I did pick up all the toys (approximately 2 tons worth) that were littering the living room - and realized how tired I was.  It was the exhaustion that keeps you from sleeping.  It's a strange feeling to be so tired, but yet unable to fall asleep.  It's not like my mind was running but the sheer weight of my tiredness was keeping me up.  Crazy, huh?

There are a ton of things that I need to get done from packing to arranging movers and scheduling a preschool visit for Nick at the new preschool David and I selected.  Time just keeps moving at break-neck speed.  There are so many plans and things to look forward to coming up and I'm hoping that the craziness of this project that I'm finishing up on will lead to a little more breathing room.  David and I are really excited about moving and we've already made plans for Christmas 2008 and we've both decided that we wanted to have an annual Groundhog Day party.

All I can say is let the good times roll!

Exhaling, But the Fun's Not Over

Today I told PMO guy that the solution was not acceptable to me because it didn't address the issue at hand.  The issue being that the project manager is treating me unfairly.  See the previous post for the details because I really don't want to talk about it.  I agreed to stay on for a couple of weeks to finish things out so I'm not completely free of this crazy woman.  I'm sure that there are only "fun" times ahead - I'm being sarcastic.

Even though I'm over the hump with telling PMO guy that his solution isn't going to work for me, there is still a lot of loose ends to tie up.  But, on the way home from work today I realized how crappy this situation has been making me feel.  I really thought I wasn't taking the stress of the situation home with me, but I was wrong.  David told me that I wasn't great at compartmentalizing and he was right.  I am getting better at it - he agreed with me on that point.

But, up until I drove away from work this evening I didn't realize that the situation was stressing me out as much as it really was.  I really felt like I could breathe for the first time in 2 months and even though it really isn't over yet I was happy that I could at least exhale.  Now tomorrow I have to deal with one of the partners of the company I work for.  * Gah! *

It Makes My Stomach Turn

Yesterday I received a call from the PMO guy at work - you know the one I call the "weenie".  My boss and of of the partners of the company I work for called PMO guy and let him know that I asked to be rolled off the project.  PMO guy admitted that everything I said was accurate and that the project manager treated me worse than anyone else on the project.  PMO guy then said that he really wanted me to stay on the project and wanted to come up with an alternative solution to me leaving.  So yesterday, the call came from PMO guy and what he is proposing is this:

Another consultant from the project manager's company, who is on the project, will be come the workstream lead in my place.  In return, I will report to the alternate consultant and according to PMO guy, "would not have to worry about issues or deal with the pressures that come with being a workstream lead."  So, really less responsibility because apparently I cannot "handle" the issues and pressures of my job.  Do you see something wrong here because I do.

I have an issue with:

• The project manager cannot act professionally and instead chooses to single me out with her terrible behavior.
• The project manager won't take an e-mail from me with an attachment and instead I have to print out the attachment.  If I don't print out the attachment for her to review, then she won't review it.
• The project manager says that I shouldn't write comments to her on documents in black ink because she won't see it.  If I do write in black ink then I need to identify it so that it's clear to her what the correction is.
• The project manager has thrown and document at me in the heat of a discussion regarding which document she should review.
• The fact that the project manager - who was NOT the project manager at the time - decided on my SECOND day at the client that she should quiz me on how I planned on conducting the testing and then went on to tell me that I was wrong.  Mind you, I hadn't finished reading the background document on what was going on at the client site and I didn't have my laptop from the client so I couldn't get to the company's Intranet.
• The fact that no less 3 people on the project are aware that the project manager treats me terribly and in a way completely different from all the others on the project.
• The fact that PMO guy has told me that he has witnessed the project manager treating me in a way that she needed to be told to tone it down.
• The fact that the partner of the project manager's consulting company has been told that she has been behaving this way and so far I haven't seen any attempts on her part to tone it down.
• The fact that the issue being addressed with this "alternative solution" is not the issue of this person's behavior - the real issue.  Instead, the "alternative solution" is to change my responsibilities so that I don't have to "worry about issues or the pressures" - which I am fully FULLY capable of handling.

The partner of my consulting company wants me to give it a try for another week, but I am hesitant to go back to a client where I am harassed - because technically, that is what the label is for this project manager's behavior.  Yes, people it falls under the umbrella of harassment and if you know me - and some of you do - you know that the term "harassment" never crossed my mind. 

Harassment is for weak people and I never ever considered myself weak.  But, after talking with one of my lawyer friends who knows me pretty well, she told me that I was definitely being harassed.  Interesting.

Snow Day!

It's 9:30 in the morning and the snow is still coming down.  Nick's preschool teacher called us this morning to let us know that school has been canceled for today and I sent a note saying that I would be working from home.  The snow plows - bless their hearts - did their jobs last night and now there is like 3 feet of snow, ice, and slush at the foot of our driveway.  David has been out there for the past 2 hours shoveling.

I say shoveling because we don't have a snow blower.  I suppose it's another way of denying that we live in the suburbs - the not owning a snow blower or lawn mower.  But, given that we're still in the Temp house, the thought of buying a snow blower when we don't have a garage to store it in just yet didn't appeal to us.  Our time in the house is limited to a month - we'll be in our house by mid-March.  I'm sure we'll have a snow blower and lawn mower before the last snowfall.  Assuming, of course, that the last big snowfall that requires a snow blower happens after we move into our house.

I still miss living in the city very much, but I have to admit that there are things about living in the suburbs that I like.  For example, getting the actual live preschool teacher calling to let us know that school has been canceled - not likely to happen in the city.  And then there is the fact that I can call in and say that I'm working from home because my driveway has been plowed in.  So, while I'm finishing up putting together a database to track testing issues the boys and David will be out in the backyard enjoying the snow.