Chicago Chick

What's in a Number?

I have been working very hard at trying to eat right and lose weight and in the past month I have been fairly successful.  When I started working on this roughly 6 weeks ago, I decided that I would take the time and spend the money to see exactly where my starting point was.  This meant taking a test that would tell me what my resting heart rate was as well as what my heart rate zones were.  I was also weighed and my fat percentage was calculated using the skin caliper (think back to high school when you were pinched in a couple of places and your body fat was calculated).

So, 6 weeks ago I had a pretty good idea where I was as far as fitness went and it wasn't great - it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great.  This week I did a weigh in and another body composition test and although I still have a long way to go, my weight and my body fat percentage was down.  A 5% reduction in body fat and the weightloss was nothing to sneeze at and I would consider it a good start.  Actually, at the time I was damn proud of myself.

I still am proud of myself but I don't want to rest until I'm actually where I need to be - I say need because where I need to be and where I would like to be are 2 separate things.  When you're someone who has a history of eating disorders where you want to be is always less than where you should be.  I'm getting there slowly, and I'm hoping surely.

Totally Hooked

Yesterday I came home from my sewing class with a terrible headache.  The allergies seemed to kick in full force yesterday and my head was just pounding.  Seriously, it hurt to open my eyes.  But on the plus side, I am totally hooked on the sewing thing.  Now I have a reason to use the Hello Kitty sewing machine I received as a gift.

I was actually surprised that I would like the class so much since I really thought it would be one of those classes that I would take and would be fun, but wouldn't stick.  I have a knack for taking classes and losing interest quickly - mosaic classes, pottery classes (this kinda sorta stuck), stained glass classes.  The only thing that has seemed to stick was photography.  It was (and still is) an obsession and for a while I even taught several sessions of beginning photography darkroom.

There is something about photography that appeals to the creative part of me.  I love the whole process of developing film and making a print.  I still do and to this day I only use the digital camera to take pictures of the boys.  Sadly, I don't have much time for photography but am planning to rebuild my darkroom in our basement in time for the winter.  But for now, the new obsession seems to be this sewing thing.

Already I can see a dozen things that I can make for the house (curtains); for David and the boys (pajama pants); and for friends and family (tote bags).  Scary that an afternoon sitting in front of a machine with fabric, thread, a zipper, and a pillow insert could do this to me.

Learning Something New

When I was a little girl, my Lola (grandmother) sewed wonderful things for us.  I have fond memories of coming home from kindergarten and she would have a new pair of pajamas or a dress that she threw together in an hour or so.  Then, there were the times that she would knit something for us like scarves or hats.  Truly a remarkable thing since she had arthritis but even more remarkable that she would be able to clean a house, cook lunch for my Lolo (grandfather) and dinner for a family of 7, AND have time to sew a complete outfit or knit a scarf.

I can do none of these things.  Okay, so I can knit a scarf.  But, I can't sew and my cooking skills leave a lot to be desired.  Since the boys have come along, I've realized that there are things that I wish I knew how to do - like cook Filipino food (anyone know where I can take a class in the Chicagoland area) and sew.  The cooking part is mostly due to the fact that I want my boys to be Filipino.  When I say this I mean that I want them to know that even though they live in the United States and are American, that they are 50% Flip.

When I tell people that I was born in the Philippines and came here as a child, they tell me that I'm not really Filipino.  I tell them that they're wrong because our household held the same values that my parent's homes did when they were children.  We were NEVER allowed to talk back to our parents; we wore slippers around the house; you never patted anyone on the top of the head (it's disrespectful); you MUST go to college; you were not allowed to go out on Good Friday and you didn't leave the house; and for Gods Sake - I ate with a spoon and fork (I still do).

But the cooking thing is something that eludes me.  Yes, I can make simple things like egg rolls, beef steak, and adobo.  But I cannot make nilaga or pancit or other dishes I love.  The cooking thing will have to wait because today I'm off to a sewing class - which has nothing to do about being Filipino (as usual, I digress).  Mama Eye and one of my other friends mentioned sewing classes at The Needle Shop so I decided to sign up for a class.  And guess what?  It's in my old neighborhood.  I swear I am in the city more now that we live in the 'burbs than I was when I actually lived there.

New Meaning to the Word Tired

I remember before David and I had the boys and there were times when I felt so tired that I wondered how in the world I could ever keep my eyes open.  But then we had the boys and tired had new meaning.  Actually, during the first trimester of my first pregnancy I wasn't just tired - I was TIRED; so tired that often times I couldn't stay awake past 7:00 pm.  There were times that I wondered how it was I was going to drive home from work (I left at 4:30 pm) because I was so tired.

Then, when we first brought our oldest child home from the hospital I wondered if we were ever going to get any rest.  I thought that until then I hadn't know the real meaning of tired.  Now after 2 kids back to back, tired means something entirely different.  Tired for me isn't tired as in "I can't keep my eyes open" but more like I'm sick and tired of saying the same thing over and over and when is this going to get better."

I come home and I'm tired because of the challenges of work - which don't hold a candle to the challenges of being a parent.  But, it's a kind of tired that is more mental than anything.  Today at work I was talking to a coworker who told me how tired he was.  Seriously, he couldn't keep his eyes open.  And, during lunch he had his head down on his desk and was napping, which isn't terrible because, hey, it was his lunch time.  When I asked if he was feeling well, he told me that he was just really, REALLY tired.

My co-worker doesn't have any children.  The reason he was so tired was because he walked a little over 3 miles in the Corporate Challenge yesterday.  Apparently the walk took a toll on him and he was just - well - tired.

Mister Rogers Rediscovered

As I child I loved watching Sesame Street, The Electric Company, and Mister Rogers Neighborhood.  I especially loved The Electric Company and think that it contributed to me learning to read at an early age - think the silhouettes speaking parts of words.

I worked a half day at home today since it was my oldest son's last day of preschool.  We had "TV time" and watched some of my favorites; it was a nice flashback into my childhood.  I even took a nap in the afternoon with them.  But, the best part of "TV time" today was watching Mister Rogers Neighborhood not only because it was cool to see the Land of Make Believe and Mr. McFeely, but because I could see my sons' eyes light up with happiness when Trolley made an appearance.

The thing about kid's television when I was younger was that it was good without having to resort to sex or swearing.  Yes, I realize that it's not reality but when you're a toddler I think that reality IS Mister Rogers and Sesame Street.  There is time enough for "reality".  Plus, I love the fact that my 2 year old sings the "It's a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood" song with such gusto!

Getting a Grip

In the past couple of months I have been trying very hard to get healthier by eating right and exercising.  To some extent I have been successful, but not as successful as I'd like to be  I'm not sure what it is that is holding me back; it seems as though I lose some weight and then I sabotage myself by eating everything and anything that I shouldn't be eating.  It almost seems as thought I don't think I deserve to be healthy and happy.

I'd love to say that I fall off the "fitness wagon" because I'm too busy, but we're all busy - even those of us who may not have children are busy.  I know that it has to do with time management and stress management.  But like stress eating, sometimes you've fallen off the wagon and it's a few hours before you even realize what you've done.

I realize that I didn't get to the size that I am now overnight and therefore the weight won't fall off overnight.  But, when you put effort into something - losing weight - you want the results to be dramatic and sometimes it takes more than just a couple of months to really see results. Maybe a schedule would help or making it part of my daily routine (like brushing my teeth) would help.  If anyone comes across the weightloss magic wand that melts weight in minutes, please let me know.  I will be hanging out by the nearby Krispy Kreme.

What Would Make Me Happy

Around 7:00 last night, I looked around and noticed that my house was a shambles.  We've stalled on the unpacking and fixing up the house and rightfully so.  It's summer (or spring) and after a month or so of painting and unpacking I have lost all motivation.  Add to that the fact that I work a 40 plus hour a week job and want to spend weekends with my boys and you have sheer exhaustion.

Friday night, I told myself that I would get 3 big things done but I'm finding that once again I have broken my resolve.  So, here are the things that I'd like to accomplish before Monday morning"

• Clean off the kitchen island (why does this always seem to be where the crap accumulates?)
• Do all the laundry (ideally before 1:00 on Sunday afternoon)
• Finish painting the boys room and assemble one of the beds
• Sign the boys up for swim classes
• Clean the master and basement bathroom

It doesn't seem like a lot, but in reality I know that I will be lucky if I can get through one of the tasks.

Oh, the Irony

This time last year, we were in the midst of purchasing a house and we had a contract on one.  However, there was a contingency on the sale of our place and we were asking for an extension on the contract.  The seller didn't want to extend the contract another 30 days so the contract fell through.  So, here we are a year later and guess what - the house is still on the market at a really, REALLY reduced price.  Family friends live in the neighborhood so we drive past it occasionally.

The asking price of the house is well below what we offered to purchase it.  In fact, it is hovering around the price we initially offered and to which their real estate agent (not their current one) said, "I can't bring that price to them; it's insulting."  This is the event where the whole "Feelings in Real Estate" lesson was learned and I realized that selling and/or buying a house was not something that I wanted to do on a regular basis.

Here is the frightening thing - at least for the sellers of the house that was almost ours - the market is terrible and there are other houses on the market that are selling for the same price that are much nicer and in the same neighborhood.  I am sure that the sellers are unhappy with the decision that they made especially since they purchased a new home and closed on it at the end of August of last year (according to the family friends of ours).

I hope that the house sells soon because I feel bad for them.  See, there's that "feelings" thing again.  I don't know their financial situation but I can imagine that it would not be a great feeling to have 2 homes to maintain.  The stress of selling a house is not fun and it takes a toll on you.  Still, they were condescending and high-handed with us during the contract negotiations and although I don't like to revel in people's misery, you reap what you sew.

What Did I Say?!?!

The boys are getting so big and with this comes the expectation that they will do things that bigger kids do like listen or come when you call them.  I know that I was not the most obedient child, but I didn't blatantly ignore my parents when they were talking to me or disregard what they were asking me to do.  I may have grumbled, but I actually did what they asked and came when they called.

With my sons it seems to be a different story and it is incredibly frustrating.  They're the same with David and it makes him crazy.  For example, the older one likes to chase the cat around the house and tease her.  Luckily, the cat is extremely patient and never hisses or nips at him.  Unluckily, the younger boy likes to imitate his brother and now we have 2 little boys bothering the cat.

This morning before preschool, my oldest decided that he was going to play with the blinds in the front window.  He was fiddling with it and it came unhinged and hit him on the head.  All I can say is that it must have hurt because he had a medium-sized bump on the top of his head.  One would think that he would have learned his lesson and wouldn't want to touch the blinds, but when I got home he was playing with them again.

It would be heaven if I didn't need to keep asking either of them to step away from the television or constantly ask, "What did I say?"  Seriously, I am starting to sound like my mother and it's not a pleasant feeling.  I'm starting to get frown lines and wrinkles from trying to make that face that made us think twice about doing something that my mom didn't want us to do.

Going From Zero to 100 is Tough

I did nothing this weekend - I've had the same cold for what feels like forever.  I didn't do the "usual" like washing work clothes for the week or go grocery shopping.  I pretty much sat around in my pajamas and didn't shower.  Yes, I made breakfast and lunch during Mother's Day and we started painting the boys room, but other than that I was a sloth.

The hard thing about stopping and doing nothing is the starting up again.  Because I didn't wash work clothes for this week on Sunday, I was left to scrape the bottom of my closet to find something to put together for today.  And, because I'm tired from trying to pull myself together (and I've still got a cold) I didn't do any laundry this evening.  The only thing left in my closet is my interview suit so it will look like I'm job hunting.  Luckily, the client I am working for still dresses in formal business attire.

Right now I'm looking at a living room littered with toys and I just don't have the energy to pick it up.  I'm not sure if it's just a passing mood - God I hope it is.  I feel like I'm watching the train just leave the station without me and really, I don't care.  I'm just so tired!

Happy Mother's Day

This year Mother's Day takes on different meaning for me because this is the first time that I will not be spending it with my mom.  I have a precarious relationship with my mother; she's overbearing a lot of the time but I know that her heart is in the right place.  Since my parents moved out of state recently, it will be another year of adjustments for me (what else is new - the good times never seem to end).  Only my sister and I are the ones that remain in the same state for the first time since my brother joined the Marines and went to basic training eons ago.

The holidays will be interesting and I think that my parents will be faced with the downside of moving away from your children - especially since one of your children has recently had a daughter.  My new niece was born in February - the first girl grandchild for my parents in 17 years.  I know that my parents are expecting us to come to their house for major holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it may not be feasible.

But, this post isn't about my parents - at least it wasn't supposed to be.  This post was to say "Happy Mother's Day" to some of my favorite mothers (besides my own):

• My Sister - the most awesome mother I know
• Maria - who is Godmother to my youngest son and an excellent friend
• Mama Eye - who was a mom to me long before she had one of her own
• Debbie - my college bud
• Amy - thanks for all your words of wisdom
• Mamazilla - my Filipina crony
• All the Moms at Chicago Moms Blog and the founders of the Chicago Moms Blog (Jill, Beth, and Tekla) who made me realize how cool being a parent really is

There are a lot of other mother's I'd like to personally wish a happy Mother's Day, but the boys are arguing over a toy so I gotta run.  The past 3 years as a mother have been challenging but have been the best years of my life.  I cannot believe how lucky I am!

Space for Rent

There was a time when I went to yoga class religiously.  Well, at least 5 times a week anyway.  In the beginning of class the teacher would talk us through a sitting pose where we would breathe and prepare for the class.  One of the things she would tell us was to clear our heads; I believe the exact quote was, "Clear your head of any thoughts from the day.  Don't let anyone or anything rent space in your head."

I especially loved that thought because I am notorious of letting people get around in my head - like there's enough room there for anyone except for me and my abundant thoughts.  Yes, Amy you're right - I do think too much but it's hard to turn it all off.  Case in point, the e-mail that I got from the guy on my project.  I suppose that is the danger of e-mail in that you cannot see how the person is saying what they're saying.  Still, I think if you're going to cc everyone and their mother on the response to my question, you're trying to be an ass.

But, the renting of space in my head.  I very much need to learn to let things go because I tend to let thoughts rattle around in my head.  And I get all worked up into a lather.  It's not productive for me and by the time I finally get over it, I've blown it all out of proportion.  Crazy, I know; it's one of my buttons I suppose.

Maybe I need to get back to yoga class because after a year or so of going regularly, I was able to tune things out.  But for now, I have some space in my head to rent.  Maybe it will help pay for the boys' summer camp and preschool fees.  Pfft!

Sometimes I Never Learn

I have been so busy with work and the family and fighting off a cold.  What I originally thought were allergies are turning out to be more than just the run of the mill allergies.  The terrible thing about being sick is that my patience runs very, VERY short.  Let's just say that my fuse is non-existent.  Not only am I short with the boys but I tend to get a bit grouchy at work and being grouchy isn't a good thing when you're dealing with people who are impossible.

I like the client that I am working with now.  The CIO and the AVP of the department are wonderful to work with.  The project is challenging and fun and interesting, but there are one or two people who are just pompous jerks.  I think that they believe if they keep talking when a simple question has been asked, that it will make me look stupid.  It's a game, I suppose - make the consultant look stupid.

When my patience runs short, I do things like respond to e-mails where the pompous jerk plays the "make the consultant look stupid" game with a very short answer.  I try not to write something like, "I'm on to you and your game.  I asked a short succinct question and you think that if you just blather on and on, I'll look like an idiot.  But, really it's you who looks like a baboon and not me.  People know that you can't be counted on to do what you're supposed to do so keep on with your blah blah blah." 

I'm always successful in not writing that stuff but instead respond with something like, "Sorry if I didn't make myself clear, but I was asking about . . ."  Nothing like taking a sick day and then being stupid enough to check e-mail.  Bahhh!  That will teach me!