I Wish I Had a Crystal Ball

Honestly, these past few years have been really, really tough.  I write that thought often and hope that things will get less difficult.  But, in reality, things don't get easier and the reason that things don't get easier is because I don't let them.  Let me explain.

In the past 4 years, David and I have become parents (twice); we've sold and bought a house; and we've moved (twice).  As if becoming a parent isn't hard enough, I've also changed jobs a lot - yeah I don't want to hear about it - (once to return to the same company, once because my company was on the verge of folding, and another because I was paid A LOT of money to cut and paste information from one spreadsheet to another causing my brain to atrophy).  All of the things that have "happened" to me are things that I willing did to myself.

I admit it - I am the cause of the strife in my life.  I made all of the changes in an attempt to make life better for my family and to put us in a better place.  I made the best choice with the information that I had at the time.  Would I make the same choices again knowing what I know now?  Some of them yes and some of them no (overall I'd say yes) - but it's not like I had a crystal ball.  Actually, I wish I did have a crystal ball because there are more decisions that I'm about to make and I'd really love to know the outcome before I make them.  And because I don't live in a bubble I will have to continue to make choices.

Throughout the years of making these big choices about work and family and money, I've truly learned a lot.  I've learned to be more patient and not so reactionary.  Case in point, when people in my practice started dropping like flies, I could have run but I didn't.  I'm still working for my consulting company - although a little unhappier - but I'm still there.  And, the lesson that you are responsible for your career (something I learned at the age of 22) has been a recurring theme throughout the past 4 years.

There are so many changes to come.  My oldest will be returning to school in a couple of weeks and the littlest one will start attending preschool at the beginning of 2009.  I cannot stop the inevitable changes that come my way and I know that life won't get easier.  The only thing that I can hope for is the wisdom to enjoy the good times when they come and to hang on tight to the ones I love during the not so good times.  But seriously, a crystal ball sure wouldn't hurt!

Comments

[Asianmommy.com]

I think life does become so much harder when you're a new mom, and it does get easier as the kids grow. They become less totally dependent on you, which gives you more time for yourself, which helps a lot. There will still be challenges, of course, but at least you'll be able to sleep through the night and not have to watch them like a hawk every minute to make sure they're not drowning in the toilet or setting the house on fire.

[Mary Anne]

Try a fortune cookie.