Every once in a while I will have a "naughty" dream. Come on - I'm human; it happens. And, don't deny that it hasn't happened to you. For some strange reason you have a dream where you're making out with someone who isn't your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever. It's not like it's intentional because you don't consciously tell yourself before you go to bed that you're going to have a dream where you're cheating on your significant other.
When was the last time I had such a dream? I have no idea because lately I'm not sleeping and most of my dreams are about running late to a final for a class that I've registered for but have NEVER attended. Those dreams absolutely suck! But back to the topic at hand. I can't remember the last time I had such a dream, but I know that I have had them in the 11 years that I've been married to David. Here is the question that is weighing on my mind. Why is it okay to admit that you've had a dream where you're not with your significant other but it's NOT okay to admit that you've had thoughts wondering what it's like to not be with your significant other?
I ask this because there is someone that I work with that has had extra-marital affairs. It happens because this person doesn't get the "sexy business" at home on a regular basis. Regular basis meaning at least once a month. How do I know this? Because the topic came up one night as all of us (about 7 of us) went out for a drink after work.
So co-worker, M, has had 2 extra marital affairs and another co-worker admitted to thinking about what it was like to have an extra marital affair. They'll probably never hook up because they're both the same gender. The topic of conversation came up during an "I never" game (I never . . . you fill in the blank . . .). I believe the I never was something like, "I never have dreams having 'sexy business' with my significant other." or "I have never cheated on my siginficant other."
I realize that actually having an extra-marital affair is wrong, but is thinking about it just as wrong and why? The co-worker who admitted to thinking about what it was like to have an affair was blasted the same way as the co-worker who actually had a couple was. It was interesting to see and drove the point home that (1) you don't actually share this type of information with co-workers and (2) chances are everyone has deviant thoughts to some degree but you should keep those thoughts to yourself.
I think it's like saying that you want to kill your boss. It's not like nobody else has ever felt that way before, but that they feel morally obligated to dissuade you from doing it.
Posted by: Asianmommy.com | August 19, 2008 at 12:57 PM
Normal. Absolutely normal to have thought about it. It's as normal as wanting to kill someone by running them over with your car, but you don't do it. We all know killing is wrong, having an extra-martial affair is wrong, and yet we don't see it in the same degree. Cheating is taboo - not something people often joke about. Thinking or saying we are going to kill someone, on the other hand, is used too loosely so we don't always take it literally. Now if the person consistently has these extra-marital thoughts, then it's likely due to something that their marriage lacks. In most cases, people with these thoughts don't cheat either. Very natural.
Posted by: Mary Anne | August 19, 2008 at 05:11 PM