On Wednesday during my night of drunken debauchery, the 4 of us (all women) were talking about men. Specifically men in our lives. Two of my co-workers aren't married but are in dating relationships, or maybe I should have said WERE in dating relationships. Currently, both are experiencing turmoil in the form of both of the men wanting to take "a break." Honestly, I don't think that the term "taking a break" was really even a term until the whole Friends "taking a break" story line aired.
Even so, I have watched both of my co-workers - both who are BEAUTIFUL women fall apart. Comments such as, "I cannot believe that I invested years with him" and "If I just hang on maybe . . .". Both comments cause my stomach to churn because I don't think that their guys are going to change and there's a greater likelihood that the whole thing will turn out badly.
So, why do I bring this up? Because to a large extent women (myself included) base their self-worth on external factors such as how they look or who is or is not paying attention to them. It's sad, but it's true. How many times have I written about the stresses at work and how I don't feel attractive when in reality I should have a sense of self-worth from within. The fact that I am smart and funny and have a wonderful resume that shows my work accomplishments should be enough, but it's not. I'm not just talking about me because there are hundreds if not thousands of us that feel that way.
In the late 1990s there was this whole "Girl Power" thing going on and it's a great idea. The thought that we - as women and as a society - should teach our young girls to actually like themselves is a wonderful concept. I think that because I have boys I really haven't paid attention to what has become of the "Girl Power" thing.
I am hoping that it is different from the strong women mindset that I grew up with, The one I grew up with talked about how I could be a wife and a mother and a working person; the concept of "having it all." But, it never seemed to take into account how exhausting and UNfulfilling that could be at times. From what I remember the "Girl Power" thing was more in line with that you could have it all if you wanted but it was more a celebration of being a girl and self-acceptance.
I don't know what will happen with my co-workers relationships, but whatever the outcome I hope that they realize how truly amazing and beautiful they are. And, I hope for myself that I learn to see my own self-worth.
I have 2 girls, and I tell them often that they're beautiful and smart and lovely and talented. At least they will know that I think so.
Posted by: Asianmommy.com | August 24, 2008 at 12:42 AM