It's 12:30 in the morning and I'm feeling so incredibly stressed out. I have been trying to get the oldest one down for bed since 7:30 this evening and for some reason he is just been nothing but a whining, crying, annoying little article. I even tried to snuggle with him in bed so that he would fall asleep, but nothing has worked. Instead he has succeeded in making me a stressed out, wrung out, guilty mess. So much so that I just got up and walked away from him which caused him to cry these heart-wrenching sobs.
But, what am I supposed to do? There are things that I needed to get done this evening like pay bills and stress out over the fact that school is coming up and tuition needs to be paid. Seriously, how is it that you can live on a single income; put a roof over your family's head; put food on the table; educate your kids; and have a little left over? The paycheck that I earn is nothing to sneeze at but I am starting to worry especially since school is starting. The craziness that goes on with my company continues and doesn't alleviate any of the stress.
I'm worried that something will give and it will be my sanity. There's still the stress of the impending test and I think I'm harboring some resentment that I had to pay for the training class that, in reality, my company should reimburse me for. Seriously, the $3,000.00 cost of the class made a sizable dent in our savings account. Add to that the cost of taking the exam and the professional fees for the organization that the certification belongs to and you have a sizable chunk of change.
There are other, more personal, issues that are weighing on my mind that I don't care to discuss. But, all of it together is making for a sleepless night and honestly I feel as though I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack. I don't dare have one because that would probably mean hospital bills that would need to be paid. I'm being funny about the hospital bills, but it isn't far from the truth. I'm worried that one more thing will cause me to seek some sort of irresponsible escape.
Take one thing at a time is the only thing I can say and it probably doesn't even help. I wish I could do more to help alleviate some of your burden.
You will survive, but not without adding a few more gray hairs on your head.
Alex might be going through a growth spurt or on the verge of some developmental milestone. Or maybe he's stressed out, too.
I'm here if you need to talk. You know my number.
Posted by: Amy | August 16, 2008 at 08:22 PM
Sorry you're so stressed out. Bedtime can be so hard. It'll get better, in time.
Posted by: Asianmommy.com | August 16, 2008 at 11:22 PM