Chicago Chick

You're Never Completely Ready - It Just Becomes Your Turn

A month or so ago, the new season of Dancing with the Stars started and as I was watching, one of the stars - Ty Murray - said something that I never forgot.  And, as I sit here getting ready for the coming week what he said pops into my head because it can't be more fitting:

"You're never completely ready - it just becomes your turn."

I'm not ready for the coming week and I wasn't ready for it when I got back from vacation last week.  I don't know what would help me be remotely ready.  There are days when I wish I could just crawl under the covers until I felt at least a little bit ready.

Back from Vacation - Now What?!?

Earlier this week, we came back from vacation.  The boys, hubby, and I went to visit my parents and my aunts in Arizona and had a great time.  I was actually able to unwind a bit and it was a good thing because I really felt that work was fraying my nerves.  Looking back to before we left I was probably hanging on by a very thin thread.  I was exhausted and felt completely overwhelmed.

I still feel that way, but I realized what is making me feel that way is that I try to be everything to everyone and it's a ridiculous and unattainable goal.  My family will love me even if I'm not the perfect mother or wife.  And, work is just work.  It will always be there and if I can say "no" to people asking for the ridiculous, then I should be okay.  But, it's easier said than done.

Yesterday I almost snapped at someone who asked for something within a nearly impossible deadline.  It turns out that I did meet the deadline which I am sure only reinforced the insane idea that people can ask stupid things from me.  But, one of the things I realized was that the person asking these things from me always asks these types of crazy things from me when they're responsible for doing the work.  In the end, I'm not doing anyone any favors by bolstering this person.  And, it's more important for me to enjoy a beautiful day over lunch or get home early to spend time with my boys.

So, now that I'm back from vacation, I'm left asking "now what do I do"?  By this I mean, I've relaxed and now I'm back, but I want to change the way things were.  I want to work hard, but I also want time for myself.  I like that people know that I am capable, but I want to carve out time for myself and my family.  How exactly do I do that?

On Vacation Doing the Same Things

Late last week David, the boys, and I went to Arizona to visit my parents.  The boys had a great time swimming in my parents' pool and I actually was able to unwind.  Plus, there is a comfort in visiting family and eating my favorite foods.

The one thing that was a little strange was the fact that I could maintain some sense of normalcy while on vacation.  By this I mean that I could go to my same gym - only in a different city; I could check e-mail and answer it as though I was never gone; and if I wanted something from Nordstroms or Barnes and Noble,it was easy enough to get it.

And even though things stayed the same - except where I was doing those things from - I managed to unwind a little.  Okay, I managed to unwind A LOT.  So much so that I didn't want to come home and I seriously thought about asking for another day off.  I think there was a whole 12 hours where I didn't think about work or check my e-mail that was sent to my Blackberry.

Eeew! Creepy Guy

A few of us went out on Good Friday - something that I never got to do as a child.  Not that as a child I would be going out anywhere on any given Friday but as a child I was not allowed to do anything on Good Friday.  This meant a day of NOT leaving the house and NOT being able to watch television or do anything.  But that is not what this post is about.

Since the office closed early on Good Friday, a few of us went out to have lunch and then stayed out a little longer.  One of my co-workers did something really creepy and thus cemented the "Creepy Guy" image for more than just me.  This person is one of those guys who isn't happy being married and is okay with sending less than appropriate e-mails to female co-workers.  And, Mr. Creepy struck again (I say again because I was once the recipient of a creepy e-mail) by sending an e-mail to one of our co-workers - someone who happens to be my friend.

Actually, it was the exact same e-mail with the exception of the last line and it made me wonder if this guy saved a boiler plate e-mail to send to women in the office.  Seriously, when I heard about it I had to get off the phone and wretch.  Just writing about it now is making my stomach churn.  Ugh - I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Lesson Learned

I thought I had learned my lesson, but last night I realized that I hadn't.  I wonder when all this angst will be over?  

If It's Too Good to be True, It Probably Is

I recently purchased some face cream from an Amazon.com first opened its virtual doors so I'm no stranger to purchasing products on line.

For the most part, I am rarely disappointed.  The quality of the items I purchase on line has been good, but I usually buy at places that I'm familiar with such as Nordstroms.  Then there are the places that are truly virtual stores like Amazon.  So, I figured that I'd purchase my face cream on line.

When I got the product, it was not even close to the same consistency, smell, or color as the face cream that I purchased from my esthetician.  But I figured maybe the company changed their formula so I decided to try it.  I wasn't the same and I would venture to guess that it wasn't even the same product.  I had been had.

I talked to my esthetician about it and she said that she had the same experience when her friend purchased the product from the same site.  Since she doesn't set the price for the product where she works and she doesn't get a discount, her friend purchased the face cream on line.  So, lesson learned for me I guess.  There are some things that should only be purchased in person; I guess my face cream is one of those things.

How Do You Get "UnLost"

Lately I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed.  Yeah, like that's not evident from my recent posts.  Today I thought I would go get a pedicure at Spa Space and while it did help me relax a little, it didn't completely undo the stress that I'm feeling.

The issue with my stress is that I feel so completely lost.  Lost in a way that I'm not so sure who I am anymore.  It's not that I don't know right from wrong, but that the shades of gray are more than I remember.  I'm talking about work stuff - not so much the personal stuff.  With the personal stuff I am very clear on what's right and wrong.  So, in a way, I'm not completely lost.

And, I suppose if you're going to pick which way to be lost - it's better to be lost professionally rather than personally.  But the question still stands.  How do you get "unlost"?  What is it that needs to be don to pull your head out of the weeds?  Maybe I'm not even in the weeds but because I don't feel as though I have any control over things at work, I'm thinking I'm hanging out in the weeds.

I wish that there were some way to figure out where the heck I am on the map.  Sort of like a big red dot and a "you are here" flag.

Behind the Eight-Ball

Lately I feel as though I'm running and running.  To be fair, I usually feel that way, but ever since 2009 started, I feel like I've had to run faster and faster.  Faster and faster, but never even getting close to catching up.  I feel as though I'm falling further behind.

Case in point, the "to do" list on my page has not been updated since November of last year.  Yeah, it may sound trivial but it's not.  It's an indication of how things are going and they are going not so great.  On the upside, I spend more time with the boys - even though it isn't as much as I'd like - and weekends are all about them.

I wish I could shake the feeling that I'm behind the eight-ball and that the ball is nipping at my heels.  I wonder what would happen if I just stopped.  If I just stopped, I wonder if the eight-ball would run me over.  I shudder to think.