After a pretty descent day, I have come to a stunning realization. When things are going okay, I am a ball of anxiety. I have no idea where this comes from because one would think that anxiety would be kept at bay when things are going well. At least, that would be the case for normal people and I've come to the sad realization that I am not normal.
I'm sure that it's one of those "you're afraid to be happy" kind of things. I'm afraid because once I get to happy I fear the "now what" thinking. It's the case with almost everything in my life. I think that if I leave consulting for a normal job then I will never be able to go back to consulting - the door has closed forever. And, if I ever achieve what it is I'm looking for the chase will be over and nothing will propel me to achieve anything else.
It's destructive and pretty stupid thinking because it's not like I'm just going to sit back and do nothing. I mean, I've achieved my goals in the past and I've sat for a few moments. In the end, I end up moving along towards another goal. Still, the anxiety is ingrained in who I am. I get to my destination and I wonder, "Now WHAT!?!?"
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