Chicago Chick

Sadly, I was Right

I took a new position at work in June of this year.  I think that the AVP in our department can sense when I've "had it" and then moves me to a new role.  It's worked brilliantly and I love her for it - AND it's kept me around for almost 4 years.  The new role I am in is one that I really like, however, there are bits and pieces that I'm not in love with.  One of them would be managing change orders - orders that are put in that move code or create security in the production (i.g., real, live) environment.  This would be the environment where people actually use the applications to run the day to day business of the company I work for.

I am working with a particularly difficult developer and he did something not on board, so I did what I was supposed to do.  I canceled the change orders to move his code to production.  And, I did it the way I was supposed to.  I emailed the administrator who handles the change orders since I, myself, cannot cancel these orders.  I had a feeling that I should probably mail those that were implementing the code, but thought that the change orders would be canceled and everyone would see that they would not be implementing the code.  After all this is the way that the process is supposed to work.

Turns out that my hunch was right.  I hate that I was right that people wouldn't do their jobs correctly.  I hate that in the pit of my stomach, I second guessed myself.  And, I hate that I even care on a Sunday night when I am supposed to be enjoying my weekend.  There is nothing I can do about it, but it means more work for me tomorrow.  I don't like being right in this instance.

Like it or Lump It

Little boys are pretty demanding - at least MINE are.  They seem to keep their father running from one task to another.  This evening, the boys found battery powered Christmas lights in the basement.  The insisted on having their father create a traffic light with them.  He surprisingly pulled it off to their satisfaction making a traffic light using the Christmas lights and an empty box of Splenda.  Think a group of 4 lights (one color each: red, yellow, and green) grouped on 3 sides of the box.  It was pretty creative.

After playing with it for a litte while, the boys decided that they wanted another string of Christmas lights to put on their train tracks.  David went downstairs to get them but when he came back, the youngest son looked dejected.  "Like it or lump it!" was David's response which caused a string of laughter.  The boys have been cracking themselves up screaming "Like it or lump it" for the past 15 minutes.  This brings new meaning to that saying for me.

Small World

About a year ago I was on the train. It was a particularly bad day and I had stopped for drinks with coworkers. And I was upset about something very personal that I won't go into here. Suffice it to say that I was NOT happy.

So, add a bad day to an unhappy state plus some alcohol and put a phone in my hand and, well, it gets messy. I was in the vestibule talking to one of my friends sobbing. The conductor and another person were in the vestibule wile I was quietly sobbing on the phone. That was a year ago.

This evening, I got on the train and ran into the other person in the vestibule that night. She stopped me and recalled that night. She said she always wondered how I was and wished that I was okay. Oddly enough, it was pretty comforting to know that someone was thinking of me. I let her know that, yes, I was fine and thank you for asking. Sometimes the kindness of strangers is amazing. This person actually restored some of my faith in humanity.

It Didn't Get Better

You know that it can't be a good day when you pee your pants.  No, I did not suddenly become incontinent.  There were no toilet seat covers in the women's bathroom today and so I do what I normally do - hover.  But, the seat wasn't aligned and neither was I so there was "dribbling" on to my pants.  It wasn' a pretty day and it didn't seem to get better after that.  Nothing in particular was especially jarring.  I just think I wasn't quite prepared for today. TMI I know!

Rough Day Already

Mondays are not my favorite day. I almost never feel ready for the beginning of the work week and today is no exception. At least I am consistent.

Gasping for Air

I have asthma and am having a terrible time with allergies.  The allergies trigger my asthma and when you add the fact that you cannot breathe with itchy, watery eyes - well - it makes for a cranky Irene.  There are other things that are getting on my nerves too and adding a lot of angst in my life.  I'm trying to take them one day at a time, but unfortunately I am not in control of the things that are causing me angst.  I am hoping that things get better soon because I'm not so sure how long I can continue to hold my breath.

There is Such a Thing

I check my personal email every night before I leave work.  Today when I signed out of my mail, I saw this story:

Couple's 72 Year Love Story

I will admit that I am an incredible sap for things like that, so couldn't help but click on the link.  It made me cry. 

Growing Up Just a Little Bit

This seems to be the year of introspection for me and it's probably because I hit the big four-oh.  I was talking to a friend, Jodi, today and we were talking about intentions.  In my mind, goals and intentions were the same thing but the more I thought about it, I realized that they were very different.  A goal is something that is in the future while an intention is something that takes place now.  An article from Yoga Journal put it very well. 

"It (an intention) is not oriented toward a future outcome. Instead, it is a path or practice that is focused on how you are "being" in the present moment. Your attention is on the ever-present "now" in the constantly changing flow of life."

So the way that you behave today and the way you think today should be consistent with what your intention is.  This evening I made a very personal intention - so personal that it isn't something that I am willing to share - and I am going to make a commitment to that intention.  It is THAT important to me.

Trying Not to Be Angry

It's very hard trying not to be annoyed or angry especially when you realize that the boys have been in school full time since late August.

Tooth Fairies Are More Like Us Than You'd Guess

This weekend, my youngest son lost his first tooth.  He was very excited - once he got over crying about the pain.  Seriously, what pain?  We put his tooth in the magical Tooth Fairy cloth bag and put it under his pillow.  Morning came and I heard him start to wake up and then I remembered that I had forgotten to put anything under his pillow.  I quickly (and quietly) grabbed a dollar and a couple of quarters and tried to beat him to the magical Tooth Fairy cloth bag. 

It was too late.  He had his hand in the bag and was rummaging around for the loot.  I asked for the bag after he announced that the Tooth Fairy forgot to stop in and take his tooth.  I quickly put the money in the bag and said that the Tooth Fairy had left his tooth AND some loot.  It took some convincing but I got him to believe that I was NOT responsible for leaving the cash in the bag.

This evening, he asked where his tooth was.  I told him that the Tooth Fairy stopped by to pick it up because she had paid for the tooth and was going to be in BIG TROUBLE if she didn't come back with the tooth.  I told him that she had a boss - called a manager - and that her boss had a boss - called a director - and that that boss had a boss - called a Vice President.  And, if she didn't do her job (i.e., take the tooth and leave the cash) that she would be SO FIRED!  The older son looked horrified and both of them looked ready to cry.  But, I told them that she stopped by before the end of her work day and took the tooth and I received a text from her letting me know that her job was safe.

Hmmmm....I wonder if the Tooth Fairy's manager is as stressed out as me?  I wonder if she's sitting at home right now telling her sons about how these crazy humans work 12 hours days and weekends and that they should feel sorry for us.  Maybe.

The World Loves an Optimist (and So Do I)

So, remember Heather Mills?  Sounds familiar?  That's because she was Paul McCartney's second wife - remember the marriage that ended in divorce and ended very badly?  It was public, it was ugly and I felt sorry for Paul McCartney (Heather Mills sounded like a complete bitch).  I was kinda sad because Paul McCartney seemed to love being married when he was married to Linda McCartney.  They say that people who remarry quickly after a spouse's death had a happy marriage with the deceased spouse and want to share that happiness with another person.  Sappy, I know, but I am a sap.

So 4 years after Linda McCartney's death, Paul marries this GODAWFUL woman and it ends very messily in divorce.  But today, Paul McCartney marries for a third time.  It seems that his new wife is (1) closer to his own age, (2) has her own money, and (3) seems like a very normal person.  If anything, it shows that he is an optimist and who doesn't love an optimist.  I hope that this is the last marriage for him and that he finds happiness - I hope that for everyONE who gets married. 

See?  I'm not as jaded as I probably SHOULD be. :)

Interveiwing

WAAAAAAY back when I was in my senior year at college, the Accounting majors would interview for their "real" jobs in the fall.  By Christmas, most - if not all - the graduating seniors had jobs to start in the months after graduation.  It was pretty cool to have a job all before you had finished your courses, earned your degree, or graduated.  Back in the early 1990s, the economy was rough and jobs were hard to come by and I remember going on what seemed like a zillion interviews.  Back then, I didn't really like interviews.  But, by the time I had started my first real job, left for another company, and then came back to the company I worked for right out of college, I had become more savvy at interviewing and much more confident in general.  Today, I actually like interviewing.

But, I like being on the "looking for a new job" side and not so much on the "trying to hire" someone side.  In the past 2 years, I have been on an interviewing streak.  First, hiring consultant project managers and then permanent employees.  And, in the past 2 weeks I have sifted through no less than 50 resumes which have resulted in 12 phone interviews.  Some of them were downright painful and some of them were actually fun.  Today I spoke to someone who I am hoping turns out to be the right person.  He was engaging and energetic and his resume could not have been more perfect.  When I spoke to the HR department today, they reminded me not to get too excited because there were still in person interviews to get through.  I was left to ponder this comment: "Many a perfectly good candidate has been turned down because they pick their noses."  Yikes!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Every once in a while, the boys' dad will take them on a train ride.  They love riding the Metra for some reason.  A few days ago when they rode the train, David realized that he had only enough cash to pay for one ticket which was fine because normally the boys ride free.  The age at which Metra lets children ride for free is 6 years old.  When the conductor stopped to collect tickets from David and the boys, he looked at my oldest son and asked David, "how old is this young man?" 

Realizing that my oldest son now needed a ticket and that David only had enough cash for one ticket, David told the  conductor, "He's 6."  Instantly, my oldest son said, "I'm 7!  I'm not six!"  David repeated that my oldest son was 6 and my oldest said, "I told you I'm 7! S - E - V - E - N!  Why do you keep telling him I'm 6!?!?"  The conductor just shook his head and walked away.

So, What Do You Want to Do?

The boys are getting older and are happy to spend time playing by themselves which makes me realize that one day they will no longer need me.  Yes, they will need me to provide food, clothing, shelter, love, but the kisses and hugs will probably dwindle and they will want to do their own things.  They won't want to show me their drawings or stories - will they even be doing that when they're older - and they won't need my help to reach the water glasses on the shelves.  They will likely be helping me reach something that I need a stool to get to.  And, when this happens, what will I do?  What will I do with all the time that I have on my hands?  Who do I want to be when they grow up?

It's a daunting question.  I would like to be relaxed and wiser and happy.  Yes, I want to be happy.  It's such an innocuous answer but one that is loaded with so many follow up questions like: "What will make you happy?" and "How do you define happy?" and "Are you surrounded with the same people?"  It's such a LOADED statement.  Loaded because it means evaluating where I am today and where I want to be in 5, 10, 15 years and how I need to get there.  It means being responsible for certain decisions and making potentially painful decisions.  There are so many possibilities which are exciting, but at the same time so very VERY scary.

So, what do I want to do?  Where do I want to be? What do I want to be when I grow up?  I want to be happy.