I get very sentimental about the past 12 months this time of year. I know I am not the only one. It is in my nature to look back and sometimes it isn't good because I can get caught up and start living in the past. I think that is why I don't spend too much time on Facebook looking up people from my past. I think, at times, it's good to keep the past in the past.
But, it's the end of the year and like most people, I look back on the past 12 months. Normally, I answer questions in a post or posts. Or I spend it somewhere where I can peacefully contemplate the year almost gone by (I still have not developed any of the multitude of rolls of film I took from that trip). In the end, it's the same - it's a look back into the past 12 months. So as not to disappoint - I hate disappointing people - I will be doing that same review mirror glance in this post.
In 2011 I learned that:
- It takes me a long time to get over things - some things, someones, some events - and the road is always painful. I eventually get there, but I will never get there as quickly as I would like. And, just when I think that I got "there", it will turn out that I'm not quite over that thing - some things, someones, some events.
- Sometimes life will just get sick of waiting for me to get over things and will throw me a bone. In this case, whatever it was that I was agonizing over was taken away. That which was a daily reminder of what I was to get over was taken away and was no longer a daily reminder. It was a gift because I was no longer allowed to obsess over it.
- I definitely have a breaking point. I am not invincible and no matter how hard I work to make something successful, doesn't mean that it will turn out as I planned. Even if I give decision makers options, doesn't mean they're going to act on it. This applies to work as well as to my personal life.
- I have spent the past year searching inward for something and, at times, have found what it is I was looking for. Other times, I have found that I needed to dig deeper. There have been memories from my past that I've buried so deep that when I remember them - or choose to remember them - they have caused me great pain but have helped me grow and heal. And, I realize that the next year will probably be filled with more of the same.
- Sometimes it is better to discipline a child with hugs and reason and sometimes it is better to discipline a child with a time-out. It depends on the situation, but in either case one should be calm when disciplining a child. Okay, so I always knew that and I've always worked hard to take that approach, but the difference is that now I take a breath before I do either.
- Expectations of others are just that - expectations of other people. I will disappoint others and just because I do does not mean that I am a failure. Other people are free to expect things from me and I am just as free to decide that those expectations are ones that I choose to ignore. This year I have been told that people are disappointed in me and I have replied "I'm very sorry you feel that way, but you will need to get in line behind the last person I have disappointed. And, yes the line is VERY long." It really has been quite freeing.
I have learned a lot more this year, but the most important thing that I have learned is that I am a good person, mother, parent, co-worker, friend, sister, daughter.....I have also learned that I have little control over anyone or anything except my own actions and my own perceptions. I've grown spritually over the past year and have found much comfort in what I've learned or remembered. All in all, it has been a pretty good year and I am looking forward to 2012 - warts and all!
