Chicago Chick

My Two Cents

I read an article on how stay-at-home-dads are on the rise.  According to the article, part of the reason is because men were "hard hit by the steep job losses" during the recession.  And while many have gained jobs back, many men - with their wives in agreement - have decided to stay home and be the primary care giver. 

My husband is the stay at home parent and this decision wasn't entirely financial.  For the majority of my early childhood (preschool to Kindergarten), I was looked after by my father and then later my grandparents.  I didn't want a stranger looking after my sons and we were fortunate to be able to afford this choice; let me clarify - we were BARELY able to afford this choice.  But, we figured it out as a family and decided it was worth it.

The article was interesting, however, it didn't address some of the issues related to the dad being the stay at home parent.  Admittedly, when we decided on my husband being the stay at home parent, it was still a very new and very odd concept.  Let's just say being a pioneer wasn't and isn't on our side.  We are ahead of the curve and now that my sons are in school full-time, I don't think that the world has caught up to us.  Getting back into the workforce has been a bit of a struggle for my husband, made that much more difficult because he doesn't have a college degree.  But, we have been fortunate in that he has found something in the same field that he left.

Being the parent who works outside of the home is stressful whether you are the mom or the dad.  What has made it even more stressful for me is the fact that I am still "MOM".  By this I mean that I am still the one who plans the boys' birthday parties; makes the cupcakes for their birthdays to take to school; purchases gifts for the birthday parties that they attend; register them for school; help with homework; pack lunches and snacks; book their haircut appointments; book their doctor and dentist appointments; and the other "traditional" mom duties.  I am sure that this has to do with the dynamics of my marriage but I am also certain that I am not the only one whose marital dynamics are like this.

It is TOUGH being a parent.  In my case, it is made tougher because I am a working mother and my husband is the stay at home parent.  But, even though it is rough going I do it because it's for my sons.  As a parent, what WOULDN'T you do for your kids?

Thankful

It's so gloomy outside, but I feel a strange sense of happiness. It's not like today is going ridiculously well or that I won the lottery, but I just feel very peaceful. I realize that I am very fortunate to have so many things go RIGHT in my life.
 
I have 2 healthy sons, a job that I enjoy with good pay and excellent benefits, parents and close relatives that are still alive, and I am healthy. There are so many things that could go wrong in a second, but for now I am good. That being said, does not mean that I am blind to the things that don't make me happy and it does not mean that the decisions I have made to address those issues are being reversed.
 
I suppose this is my way of stopping to smell the roses.

Jitterrrrrrry!!!!!

For some reason, I cannot update my site using Typepad on my Windows 7 laptop. It's frustrating, but at least there is a way around it without digging into the technicalities of actually FIXING the issue. For now I will just use the workaround - sending an email post - and grumble about it. It seems to fit the day I'm having.

Today I feel very jittery and disconnected. The jitters come from the cup of coffee that I had this afternoon around 2:00 pm. I used to drink A LOT of coffee but that was during my years in university. I stopped really drinking coffee around my mid-twenties and now when I get a cup of coffee at my favorite coffee place, it's usually something that is pretty frufy (i.e., skinny caramel something or another, double cupped at a temperature that I can drink right away). The ritual goes something like this: (1) I order the coffee concoction; (2) I take a sip of the coffee at my desk; (3) I set the coffee down and maybe take another sip; (4) something or someone distracts me and I'm off to finish something or go to a meeting; and (5) I get back to my desk and remember that I had a cup of coffee. Usually, this happens around 3:00 pm when I need a little pick me up so I sometimes heat it up. Other times, I sip it even though it's freezing cold and
then I toss the few sips that are left.

The disconnected feeling isn't something that I like and if I knew what it was related to, I probably could address it. I think it may have something to do with having a super-busy day and deciding to work from home. Although I did get A LOT done - more than I would have gotten accomplished if I did go into the office today, I still have that nagging, guilty feeling. I'm sure that many of us who are used to being in the office have this nagging, guilty feeling. It's the one that makes you work evern harder to complete things so that people in the office won't think that you're slacking.

I think it's funny that I use the term "disconnected" since I am very much connected to the office when I work from home. I am SO connected by email, IM, and cell phone that if I sneeze someone from the office can hear me and email, text, or call me and say "bless you!"

Two Steps Forward Only to Be Yanked Backwards

Today I decided to go through some old pictures. I have no idea why, but the way I feel right now isn't a surprise. I should have let sleeping dogs lie.

I hope I remember this day when I decide to travel aimlessly down memory lane again. I'm SUCH an idiot!

Yawn!

I cannot believe how exhausted I am. It's been a tough day so I supposed it's no surprise how tired I am.

Exhausted But Inspired

Traipsing around a museum today with 2 little boys in toe was exhausting and fun and EXPENSIVE. But, now I'm sitting waiting for my nail appointment to begin. I figured taking time for a manicure wouldn't hurt especially since they gone from a weekly thing to more of a monthly (if I'm lucky) thing.

Sitting - just sitting - has given me the opportunity to plan some things out. I didn't make any resolutions this year but am deciding that I need some now. The first thing is that I really need to set a bed time for myself and along with that, a bedtime ritual. Something more than washing my face, brushing my teeth, and pulling sweatpants on. I need something grounding that will prep me for a good night's sleep. Anyone have any suggestions?

On Living (or Dying) With Regret

There was an article that was posted on my Facebook this past weekend.  It had to do with regrets and dying.  The article was called "Top Five Regrets of the Dying" and struck an eerie chord with me - not because I'm dying, but because I feel as though I am at a cross road in my life.  I've been at this cross road for some time, but it is clear to me that 2012 is the year that I need to make decisions.  I cannot stand at this point forever wondering and evaluating which road to take.  It is very much time to "shit or get off the pot." 

I cannot remember a time in my life where I've felt such an urgency to make a decision.  I am a rip the band aid off kinda gal and not one to peel it back gently, however, I have operated in the peel the band aid off gently mode for the better part of 3 years.  My gut is telling me that it is time to pick a path and I've made deliberate decisions and have chosen  path.  For someone who thrives on change and challenge, the path that I have chosen has scared me.  Knowing with every fiber of my being that it is the right path does not make taking it easier.  Change is hard; and although I've never shied away from it, I realize that I've spent a long time doing just that.

I suppose my only consolation is knowing that in the end, everything will be okay. 

“The thing that you fear in your stomach … run towards it. I absolutely believe that.” - Sherri Shepherd

Where the Easter Bunny Gets What's Coming to Him

When I was a kid, we didn't get Easter baskets. For some reason, this is NOT a Filipino tradition - staying home on Good Friday and not watching television or being able to go out with friends was the norm - but I digress. I remember I bought my OWN Easter bunny when I was about 10 or 11 years old. It was terribly cheap chocolate and it was hollow. So cheap was the chocolate that it disintegrated in your fingers when you broke a piece of it off. 

When I got older, I was able to afford better chocolate and one year even received a chocolate Easter bunny from a boyfriend. It was a Godiva Easter bunny and I felt as though I had hit the jackpot! My sons are admittedly spoiled and we do the whole Easter bit at the house.

The weekend before Easter we colored eggs complete with glitter and wax to make fancy-schmancy designs. And, even though we were on vacation over the Easter holiday, the boys got 2 chocolate Easter bunnies AND a very HUGE Fanny May Easter bunny. Its demise is captured below complete with one of my boys eating dinner and eyeing it. It's gruesome, but funny.

So, without further delay, here is how you carve a 5 pound (yep - I said FIVE pound) Easter bunny:

1. Behold, the Easter Bunny.

2. Behold, the shiny cleaver.

3. The head is the first thing to go. 
Note the smiling child in the background drooling and thinking of feasting on part of the now headless Easter bunny.

4. Bunny in body bags.

Along with the Easter bunny were a dozen colored eggs which are now egg salad - a pretty pink, yellow, and blue egg salad.

The Feeling of Safety

It's Spring Break time and my family spent a long weekend at a Wisconsin Dells water park resort. The boys had a great time and I even put a swimsuit on and got in the water. I spent every waking moment with the boys and had the best time.

While they were asleep and I could not fall asleep, I read an article in Yoga Journal about refuge and how it was good for the soul. It talked about feeling safe and I thought about that. I realized that I have not felt a sense of safety in a long time. Maybe it's the economy or the state of my life, in general. Or, maybe it's because my parents live in another state. Whatever the reason, I don't feel safe. Not yet anyways, but I am working on it and so far I think some of the decisions I've been making are getting me there in a hurry.

To Do Lists

I am a HUGE fan of to do lists; they give me structure in situations where I feel as though there is no structure. Today I spent the better part of an hour putting together one mother of a to do list. This year I am planning on accomplishing many things and the only way I can organize my thoughts and build a timeline is to put together a to do list. Once it was finished, I felt so much better and really excited. This is going to be one heck of a year. I can feel change in the air already - can you? ;-)

Give ME Strength!!!!!

I've been making a lot of changes lately and like many changes there is a lot of adjustments that must be made.  I am fortunate that in the past 3 months I have been able to take time off to learn to manage stress.  As a result, I am much more calm and centered and I have been able to handle the stresses that come with work much better.  However, there are things that I don't think I will ever be able to just brush off.  One of those things - yes, this year is the same as any other - is dealing with an under performing employee. 

This issue was one that I inherited, but unlike this person's other managers, I am actually dealing with the issue head on.  I did what I believed was right and wrote this person up; I put the person on a performance improvement plan; and I documented (TO DEATH) the impact.  I also have met with this person weekly and have addressed the issues that this person has identified.   And, when it became apparent that the reason that HR was dragging their feet was because of "company counts", I did what they asked me to do.  In spite of all the work that I have done and the work that HR has asked me to do, it is clear that this person has no interest in making things better for himself.

It is getting to the point where communication with this person has broken down beyond repair.  Every meeting with him is ridiculous.  He is argumentative and the meeting becomes confrontational.  I have decided that when it becomes this way, I will let him know that it's my job as his manager to provide him with direction on corrections that he needs to make.  And, if the meeting turns into a confrontational meeting where he has become argumentative, I will tell him that I will end the meeting and will schedule a follow up.  In turn, I will contact HR and invite them to attend a status meeting with said employee so that they can see how awful this has become.

I'm not sure how much longer I can go on this way.  What helps is knowing that I'm doing the right thing and that this is somehow happening for a reason.  I really believe that all challenges happen for a reason.