Chicago Chick

Technical Difficulties

I am hating technology right now - nevermind that I work in that field.  My site has been down for almost a couple of weeks now for I have no idea why.  According to the ticket that I logged with Typepad, it's because the CNAME isn't set.  However, I have had this site with this domain for a number of years and I have not touched the settings with the company that I've registered my domain name.  According to the company that I've registered my domain name with, it's because I have an A record set and an MX record set.  I've deleted them as instructed, but my site still does not show using my domain name.  It's annoying and I cannot seem to get a correct answer.  I'm thinking it may be time to rethink my hosting company and maybe Typepad too. 

Here's Some Good Advice

If someone you love asks you to do something for them - assuming that it's not illegal, unethical, or immoral - just freakin' DO IT!!!!!  It will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

Becoming a Little Bit Jaded

Growing up in the city, we always locked our doors - car doors, house doors, garage doors.  I learned a healthy sense of mistrust as a kid.  I would say that I'm a pretty happy-go-lucky and trusting person, but one with the ability to decide to trust or not trust a situation or person.  I'd also say that I'm an optimist and while I am not a foolish optimist, I like to see the good in situations and the good in people.

There have been times in my life where I have been taught that the person or persons I trusted or saw the good in was misguided.  It happens to everyone.  Lately, I feel as though I have become mistrustful of everyone and the good I see in people and situations is a bit more realistic.  I know that the change has come because of the situations - work and personal - that I've been exposed to in the past 5 years.  It's not a bad thing to become more realistic, however, I really liked the wide-eyed girl that I got to be from time to time.  With all the experience and the growth, I've realized that the wide-eyed girl that I used to be is pretty much gone.

I suppose I should see it as a good thing.  It just takes some time to get used to.

Like a Cold Bucket of Water

Work has been crazy lately.  I've inherited a troubled but very large and very visible project in addition to my current work and project load.  I'm trying to find a good balance between work and the boys and it hasn't been easy.  Yesterday, I got a call from a very annoyed CIO and usually I am in the room while she is venting.  Fielding the call was difficult because I didn't know if it was me she was upset with or the circumstances of how the project went awry or with the consulting company supposedly managing the project.

Normally, I would get so ridiculously upset because I always think crap like that is my fault, but this time I hung up and took care of the few items she asked me to address.  I took a deep breath and called her back to figure out what I could do and also to figure out what I didn't do but was supposed to.  Turns out she wasn't upset with me, but was venting.  Whew!  I listened to her vent and took down some notes on what I needed to take off her plate.

I haven't had a conversation like that with the CIO ever, so it was like a bucket of cold water being thrown over my head.  Lately I've been feeling like I'm not contributing at work because I've been leaving at 4:00 each night and picking the boys up from after school program.  To me, this episode was a wake up call - it could have easily been my fault for dropping the ball on many things.  I realized that I haven't been managing my time well and I really need to fix that.  It shouldn't be too difficult since that's actually something I do well.

Stressed Out

Today I was able to work from home.  I know that I am very lucky to be able to do this and I am thankful that this is the case.  However, it's stressful for me.  Yeah, yeah I know - I'm crazy.  But, it IS stressful for me because I feel the pressure to make sure that I get more than everything done.  It's the guilt - not wanting people to think that I'm sitting around eating bonbon or watching bad television or napping.  It is just one of those things that I need to get over.

It's easier to work from home now that the boys are in shool full time.  In the past, when they weren't in school yet or were in school part time, I couldn't seem to get anything done.  It was a constant stream of interruptions and I would often decide to just go into the office and shut my door to get stuff done.  Now that I have my own space for an office, I am able to work from home.  But, the guilt still gets to me - I need to get over it.

Memory Lane

Today the boys wanted to go to the Nature Museum in Lincoln Park. Unlike some people, my family actually lived in the trendy neighborhood back in the day. Back in the day meaning back when NOBODY wanted to live there. I was happy to see the butterflies and also to go to one of my favorite restaurants, Frances. Like a lot of people, I ended up returning to the neighborhood in my 20s when I stopped traipsing the globe for work. God, that was a fun job.

So, David, the boys and I drove around the old neighborhood where David and I lived for the better part of a decade. It was nice to be able to remember some of the happy memories - made happier because a lot of time had passed. There were some things that weren't so happy like trying to find parking on a Friday night or listening to neighbors come home drunk but those things never got brought up. None of the fights with the restaurant parking attendants (we lived over a restaurant that has a beautiful courtyard) over noise on a Sunday night when I had to get up early even cme up.

Isn't that the way that it always is when something ends? One often remembers the good things and not so much the bad stuff which makes it even harder to decide to transition. In the end, you still make the decision to move on - we ended up buying our first condo - but endings no matter how necessary and how right they are are so difficult. There is no way that we could have stayed in our little neighborhood. Living there today would be so ridiculous. I never have to remind myself that the decision to move and buy something was the right decision. I wish every decision that involves change was that way.

The Difference

There is a difference between self-serving and selfish. I need to remember that when I make decisions that are my (and my sons') best interest. Sometimes the guilt gets to me.