My parents close on the sale of the house in a northern suburb on Friday. They have lived out of state for the past 3 years but still owned the house in the 'burbs. This is the house we lived in while I was in high school.
This past weekend, the boys and I stayed overnight along with my parents and my sister's family. As I was packing up to leave, I wandered from one room to the next and at last stopped in my old room. I was surprised at the sadness I felt. I really hated living in the 'burbs and couldn't wait to get far, far away from that house. Turns out, you never really get away - or at least I didn't.
The reason that I was sad, I realized, was because that was the last house where my parents, brother, sister, and I lived as a family unit. I suppose you never really let go and grow up - or at least I didn't. Even though my high school years were filled with family angst, that house is the last place I actually felt some sort of safety.
Yesterday I was told that my therapist, Jodi, would be moving back to southern California. I have worked with her for little over a year and she has helped me grow and change in the past year. I credit her for giving me the courage to make tough decisions. Granted, I did the work, but I couldn't have done it as quickly without her.
It has been a very tough year for me and there are many tough moments to come. I can only think that the timing of my parents moving and Jodi moving has something to do with what I have learned about myself. Maybe this is a way for me to try it out on my own (the equivalent to training wheels coming off). I had said this in an email to Jodi and she replied that "it may also have to do with who you are becoming, what influences are coming into being."
And, for now in this moment I am okay with the changes. I actually feel at peace.