Chicago Chick

Regret? Not Really

This past year I have spent a lot of time reflecting on decisions I've made. And, I've come to the realization that in some cases I did not chose wisely. However, one big life decision that seems to have not panned out is - surprisingly - NOT a regret. I shock myself by saying time and time again (when I am asked) that I would do the same thing again knowing that it was going to end badly.

The other person who it involves would tell you differently. In fact, this person, in the middle of an argument told me that they "would NEVER have made the same decision if (they) knew it would turn out this way." My response is always that I would go through every hardship and cry every tear ten fold to have my sons.

Don't Waste Your Time

In the middle of my very fun, very productive, very busy, and very satisfying weekend, I had one of those "if only" thoughts. It came upon me quickly but just as quickly I realized that it didn't do much good wishing for what will never be.

I remembered once, long ago, someone who I really respected tell me not to waste my time doing well that which was not worth doing at all. This person also told me "Don't waste your time wishing for something that can never be." 

This person was right, but I couldn't help wishing for a very brief moment for something that will never be and probably never even was.

Hollow Victories

I spent this morning defending something that I believe very strongly in.  Actually, defending may be a strong word because I didn't really have to utter a word except "yes".  Literally, I only said "yes" once.  In the end, it turned out the way that I had hoped with some give and take but the win was very hollow.  Actually, I would not call it a win at all.

The other party would disagree with me given the commentary I received via email after the proceedings (one of many I am sure) ended.  In my email to the other party, I called something "the one bright spot left" and their initial email response was that they agreed.  I left it at that because for once we seemed to agree on one thing.  However, the second email thereafter told me to "look at the upside."  Given the context, I realized that this person and I were never going to be on the same page.  It was an expected response which made me very sad.  I mean, who wants to be made to feel that their bad feelings about someone are actually right.  It sucks.  In the end, it was a very hollow victory (if you can call it a victory).

Still, I am grateful for the outcome.  The goal is to win the war I suppose.  According to Dany DeVito's character in The War of the Roses,  "There is no winning! Only degrees of losing!"