A few weeks ago I was sitting in line at Portillo's getting lunch for my sons. The person taking the order completely screwed up my order, but I sat patiently while it was remade. I told the person behind the counter who was apologizing over and over again, "stuff happens. If this is the worst thing that happens to me today I'm ok." First, let me say that this is not the way I used to be. Back in my 20s I would have been livid and would have sat there and seethed. Okay, maybe not seethed, but I would have been annoyed.
So, why the change almost 20 years later? Because in those 20 years I have learned that something like getting an order messed up happens and in the big scheme of things, it really IS no big deal. Yes, the boys had to wait and they were hungry and upset but it didn't kill them.
My sons are off with their dad and I've had some time to clean and sort through some paperwork. I've also had some time to read some old journal entries on line and in my written journal and I realize that I do NOT have the same amount of patience for my sons' dad. Things that have happened in the past few years where I could have shown more patience, but for whatever reason did not. It left me wondering if I am a bitch. Does extending patience to someone taking my food order not apply to someone who I once had a good relationship with? Or, is it that I don't have patience for this person because of events that have happened, I no longer have patience for this person. And, then where does forgiveness come into this particular scenario?
I'm not sure what the answers are but I can tell you that the person at Portillo's will probably not disappoint me in the future because I don't really have high expectations of that person. I don't expect the Portillos employee to make me feel supported when I have a crummy day at work and I certainly don't expect that person to make me feel that everything will be okay when I experience an "oh shit" moment in life. But, I did expect that from my sons' dad. In the end, I look at it this way: The level of disappointment you feel is INDIRECTLY proportional to the amount of patience you extend to someone. If that person greatly disappoints you over and over and again, you don't continue to give that person the benefit of the doubt. So, the greater the amount of disappointment = the less patience you extend to that someone in the future.
Yeah, I'm good - no double standard.