Chicago Chick

Serving Up 2012 in a Package Tied with a Bow

I used to do a year end post with a dozen or so questions.  The last time I completed one it was December 2009.  I don't have anything meaningful in a free-form to write so I'm answering the questions ala 2009:

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
   So many things - too many to count.  Things like made peace with my parents and proved to myself that I am stronger than I thought top the list.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
   I don't think I made any for 2012 and I'm not sure I will make any for 2013..
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
   Nope
4. Did anyone close to you die?
   No - thankfully no.
5. What would you like to have in 2013 that you did not in 2012? 
   Closure for issues that I finally started to deal with in 2012. 
6. What was your biggest achievement of 2012? 
   Realizing that I needed to change my life and taking the steps to change it. 
7. What was your biggest failure?
   I don't think I had any failures in 2012.  It sounds so "Pollyanna-ish" but every mistake I made in 2012 I learned from and recovered.  Failure happens when you refuse to learn or refuse to try again.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury? 
   I suffered an immense amount of heart ache and disappointment. 
9. What was the best thing you bought?
   Actually, it would have to be a shot at happiness and peace of mind.  I purchased the services of an attorney.
10. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
    My family and my friends whose support I have come to treasure.  Also, my behavior - I stepped up and feel like I've grown a lot.
11. Whose behavior appalled you?  
    The boys' father.
12. Where did most of your money go?  
    See number 9 and household fixes
13. What did you really get excited about this year?
    The possibilities that next year will bring.
14. Compared to this time of year are you happier or sadder (HAPPIER!) thinner or fatter (exactly the same) richer or poorer (not quite sure).
15. What do you wish you'd done more of? 
    I wish I cleaned a little more, although the house is WAY cleaner now that it's ever been!
16. How did you spend Christmas last year?
    I don't remember.  I spent this year with my sons and then had lunch and saw a movie (Hitchcock) with a very dear friend and her son this year.
17. Did you fall in love in 2012?
    No.
18. How many one-night stands?
    Seriously?!?!  I don't remember this question from the previous post but the answer is NONE
19. What was your favorite TV Program?
    Revenge; Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23; So You Think You Can Dance; Dancing With the Stars
20. What did you want and get?
    I wanted some peace of mind and I wouldn't say that I completely got it, but I have more peace of mind this year than I did in the past.
21. What did you want and not get?
    Closure (see number 5) - Then again, there is always next year!

Amazing

It is amazing to me that I could hate someone that I used to love. Seriously, I can't even stomach looking or being around this person.

Positive Energy

The last post was very therapeutic for me. Although I am certain that the person who it was meant for did not read it. I spent a terrific evening with some friends from college, their kids, and my sons. And even though I won't retract the letter from the last post - I still mean EVERY word - I think that I would like to post a different letter. Something much more positive to reflect how I am feeling after a wonderful evening and morning with friends.

Dear World,

This year has been very challenging in a not so great way, but I think I have learned some very valuable lessons and have also been shown time and time again that people are capable of much kindness

To Steve the furnace guy who installed my furnace: thank you for not barging me a bazillion dollars, for doing the job quickly, and for hauling away the refrigerator in my basement.

To the wonderful people at my sons' school who look after my sons after an before school: thank you for making my sons do their homework and providing them with a social outlet.

To my parents who are always supportive and who love me no matter what crazy decision I may make.

To my sons who I could not live without. I love you so much it hurts.

To the kindness of strangers: there are so many instances that I cannot count. When I start to lose faith in humanity, someone does something nice that restores that faith.

To my college friends Laura, Michelle, Rick, and Barry: thank you for coming to my rescue and making this holiday season, which could have been SO miserable, a memorable and happy one! I am indebted to your friendship and kindness.

Happy holidays!
Irene

A Letter to an Asshole - You Know Who You Are

Dear Asshole,

This letter has been a long time coming and I am sure that you probably won't read it, but it is very theraputic for me to write it.  I have known you for a very long time and once I truly had feelings for you.  But, that was long time ago and while I will never forget some of the good times we had together, the sucky times are what stick in my mind today.  On the plus side, you are no longer a regular part of my day even though you try to be. You're like a bugger I cannot seem to flick off of my finger.  Here are some things that you need to know:

1. I will put you in my email contact list under whatever name I want.  If you don't like it, then tough shit.  You're lucky that I put your name in as a shortened version of your given name.  I could call you shithead or asshole or fucktard but I didn't.
2. The days of me feeling beholden to answer your every question about every little thing are over.  It took me almost 2 decades to get to this point, but the important thing is that I am here.  I work and I don't have time to drop everything to answer every question you ask me in stupid detail. 
3. I don't need you to judge my decisions and frankly, you're not qualified to judge.  For example, it doesn't matter what criteria I used to select tires for the car.  The important thing is that they were flat and now those flat tires have been replaced with new tires that have tread that is NOT worn out.  The precious cargo that is being carted to and fro in that car is safer than they were before.
4. FUCK OFF!!!! You once told someone close to me a pack of lies and then when that person told you that you should leave me alone, you told them that you couldn't because "Irene needs me."  Let's be clear and honest for once - I don't need you and I never have.  I was just too stupid to know that I am stronger and better off without you in my life.
5. I am happy and I don't have any regrets.  Seriously, I don't have any regrets which is probably very surprising to you.  I suppose that is what makes me different than you.  You will regret so many things and the regrets that you have that happen to intersect with MY life, I will consider gifts.  I cannot take back anything and even though this is not the ideal situation for me, I wouldn't want to take any of it back.

This letter is not about my faults and I know that I have plenty, but my advice to you is to move on.  Take the opportunity to start over that has been given to you and make something of what is left of your life.  There are some important and impressionable people watching and they see everything.

Me

Aggrevation

Working from home with 2 sick boys is so difficult.  I knew this, so I ended up calling in sick to work.  However, I have spent 4 hours in meetings and on the computer doing work.  In between, I've been administering Tyllenol, cleaning up vomit and making chicken soup.  Somehow this sick day wasn't really a sick day!

Getting Under My Skin

There are many things that annoy me, but usually those thing irritate me for a little while and I get over it quickly.  Today, I was on a conference call and one of my co-workers was sitting next to the speaker phone which was cutting in and out.  It was difficult enough to hear, but what came through loud and clear was her annoying, cackling laugh.  She irritates me anyway, so hearing her cackling laugh coming through loud and clear when I couldn't hear what was going on in the meeting was making me crazy.  SO crazy that I had to put the phone on mute and yell at this co-worker to shut up, SHUT UP, just SHUT UP ALREADY!  My kids think I'm crazy.

Learning is Painful

There are so many things that I have learned this past year (maybe a little more than a year). Of the many lessons, I think 2 of them stand out as THE most important. The first is to trust myself and the second is to feel comfortable in my own skin again. I say again because before I had my sons, I felt very comfortable in my skin. Then, I had my sons and I had to readjust. I had, after all, given birth to 2 small people within the span of 16 months and my role as I knew it was very different. There is a HUGE transition between not being a parent and being a parent (similarly, from not being a care giver to being a care giver). 
 
I think that everyone has that little voice that they hear in their heads or that gut feeling. Like animals, I think that we have instincts that we can chose to follow. I think that, unlike animals, we have a brain that lets us chose to follow our instincts or not. Some people will call it witchcraft or voodoo, but whatever it is, I know that I have that "inner voice" and this year I have really learned to trust it. So far it has not steered me wrong. It's when I've decided to ignore what it's telling me that I've gotten in trouble. 
 
It's been an extremely challenging year and when I think back to the years and decades before, I can honestly say that I have not had a more painful and stressful year. But, this is the year where I have learned the most even though, on paper, I have lost a lot. In the end (because it's NOT over), I think that I will come out of this period in my life as a stronger and much wiser person.

Tis the Season!

This weekend was FULL of Christmas events.  Yesterday morning was the wreath and Christmas tree pick up for the boys's cub scout pack.  It was rainy and cold, but it was actually a lot of fun.  We ended up purchasing a very small Christmas tree and a wreath but when I saw the tree it was way too small.  I purchased a second tree to put up in the house and decided to put the smaller tree on the front porch.

I ended up putting the second tree up - a 6 footer - by myself.  It was heavy and very, VERY full so it was hard to put into the tree stand.  Just as about the time I was about to burst into tears, I let go of the tree and it actually stayed up.  It was even straight!  My hands were bruised and one of my fingers was bleeding, but the tree was up!

After I put the tree up, the boys and I went to the Pizza with Santa event.  They had a lot of fun running around with their friends and the were able to see Santa.  After the event, we picked up some lights for th larger tree and I put them on the tree.  I couldn't wait and hoped that the lights didn't fall off when the tree opened up.  This morning, the boys and I put up ornaments and later in the afternoon, we all made cookies with the little girls next door.  It was a busy BUSY weekend!

Double Standard? Maybe

A few weeks ago I was sitting in line at Portillo's getting lunch for my sons.  The person taking the order completely screwed up my order, but I sat patiently while it was remade.  I told the person behind the counter who was apologizing over and over again, "stuff happens.  If this is the worst thing that happens to me today I'm ok."  First, let me say that this is not the way I used to be.  Back in my 20s I would have been livid and would have sat there and seethed.  Okay, maybe not seethed, but I would have been annoyed.

So, why the change almost 20 years later?  Because in those 20 years I have learned that something like getting an order messed up happens and in the big scheme of things, it really IS no big deal.  Yes, the boys had to wait and they were hungry and upset but it didn't kill them. 

My sons are off with their dad and I've had some time to clean and sort through some paperwork.  I've also had some time to read some old journal entries on line and in my written journal and I realize that I do NOT have the same amount of patience for my sons' dad.  Things that have happened in the past few years where I could have shown more patience, but for whatever reason did not.  It left me wondering if I am a bitch.  Does extending patience to someone taking my food order not apply to someone who I once had a good relationship with?  Or, is it that I don't have patience for this person because of events that have happened, I no longer have patience for this person.  And, then where does forgiveness come into this particular scenario?

I'm not sure what the answers are but I can tell you that the person at Portillo's will probably not disappoint me in the future because I don't really have high expectations of that person.  I don't expect the Portillos employee to make me feel supported when I have a crummy day at work and I certainly don't expect that person to make me feel that everything will be okay when I experience an "oh shit" moment in life.  But, I did expect that from my sons' dad.  In the end, I look at it this way: The level of disappointment you feel is INDIRECTLY proportional to the amount of patience you extend to someone.  If that person greatly disappoints you over and over and again, you don't continue to give that person the benefit of the doubt.  So, the greater the amount of disappointment = the less patience you extend to that someone in the future. 

Yeah, I'm good - no double standard.

Fine Without Your "Help"

I am a grown woman; even though sometimes I don't act like a complete grown up, I am.  What is annoying is being told how to do something or decide on something after the act or the decision has already been done.  An example is the furnace.  About a month or so ago, it got cold enough to turn it on.  And then it got warm enough to turn it off.  When I turned it off, the fan never seemed to shut off.  I tried everything - making sure that the fan was on auto; making sure that the lever was on off (not heat and not cool); and then I even changed the batteries. 

After all that, the fan just kept running.  I searched the Internet for an answer and then I called my dad to ask him about it, but he told me to do the things I had already done.  Then I called a guy friend, then my brother in-law, and finally I broke down and called my sons' dad.  All of them told me to do the same things I had already done.  For someone who LOOKS not so handy, I am actually very handy.  Finally, my brother in-law gave me the name of his heating/cooling guy and I was lucky to get him to stop by the next evening.  It was going to be cold and he was able to fix it for a very reasonable fee ($50).

He ended up replacing a relay on the control board, but there were some things that were not so good.  Things like a burner had been shut off, the damper door had a rock wedged to keep the door open, and one of the safety mechanisms was disabled.  Turns out that we needed a new furnace and I confirmed this with my sons' father.  He never told me that this was the case, so I was a bit upset when I found out that this was the case.  Turns out that since the fan issue was resolved and the heat was turning on and off properly, I could have gone the entire winter with the furnace that I have.  But, I didn't want to press my luck - the furnace going out in the middle of winter would be a disaster.

I decided to replace the furnace but not until I got a second opinion.  Both opinions were to replace it.  Fine - I decided I needed a new one, but now I needed information on cost.  I got three price quotes and decided not only to go with the middle of the road one but I also decided on the person who came to fix the fan issue in the first place.  The furnace has been replaced and it keeps everyone in the house warm.  It's also a 95% efficient furnace which means less money on gas.

So after all this, I mentioned to someone that I was getting the furnace replaced.  That piece of news was met with all the questions one would ask a child.  Questions like "are you sure?" and "how do you know you need one" and "did you do price comparisons" and "what kind is it" and "are you sure it's the right one because you know I think ....."  The MOST annoying question was, "how did you pay for it?"  It's really annoying especially when this type of unnecessary advice comes from the person who knew all along that we needed a new furnace but did not tell me.  Seriously, I am fine without any of your so called help.  Just keep your opinions and advice to yourself and we'll all be much, MUCH better off!