This week has been very, VERY challenging - professionally as well as personally. I'd rather write about the professional because, well, I don't really want to share the personal. So work has been challenging this past week because of the demands of the users I support. I will freely admit that some of the pressure that I feel is self-imposed. I'm a perfectionist and I have high standards - I don't like falling short of the demands that I put upon myself. If someone lets me down, I can get over it although I will be a little pissy. However, if I let myself down, I don't easily forgive.
All that being said, I have been dealing with mulitple issues on multiple computer applications all week. There have been security issues and testing issues and resource issues. All 3 usually exist on any normal week, but for some reason, they have been especially bad this week. And, when one issue seemed to be resolved, another would take its place - kind of like the "Wach-A-Mole" game. It has been a very challenging and humbling week.
I have learned a great deal from this week. I have learned that I really do like my job and I really do like the people I work with. I've learned that I have limits and in some cases I know more than I thought. I've realized that by having a simple conversation with someone about how their week-long leadership training class went that I'm not as sucky as I thought. I've also realized that in that same conversation, the person I was talking to is very wise and dependable. I have come to realize that I am stronger and I am also wiser than I thought. I don't always make mistakes and I'm not always cleaning up messes for others. There is always give and take and just when I think I'm giving more than I should, I am on the taking side.
On the way home from this very, VERY trying week, a sense of quiet came over me. Normally, a week like this would send me into a fit of tears especially since I have hours of work ahead of me before the weekend is over. But, I just felt *nothing* - no tears welling up, no anger bubbling up, just *nothing*. It was a very strange feeling - or lack of feeling. For the first time, my head was clear. I'm tired but I'm not exhausted. I am hoping that it is a new found wisdom and that I will not have some sort of backlash. I'm hopeful, but I'm not entirely sure.


