Chicago Chick

Where Has the Time Gone?

It's been ages since I've written anything.  Things have gotten really busy at work and I've been making an effort to not check e-mail or my cell phone when I get home.  Instead, I've been coming home and just hanging out with the boys.

But, I still miss the time I used to be able to spend on my own.  I haven't had a chance to read some of my favorite on line journals so I have no idea what is going on with my Internet friends.

When I'm not hanging out with the boys, it seems I'm trying to get over yet another cold.  I will be so happy when cold and allergy season is over - maybe then I will actually be able to breathe.  I just wanted to make sure that everyone knew I was still alive.  I am, albeit a little stuffed up.

Big Events

It has been a crazy, CRAZY week.  I spent the first part of this week doing accounting stuff.  Part of my job has an accounting component to it.  When I left the accounting/finance world I swore that I would never go back, but it's a small part of my current job.  And, even though this week and dealing with the accounting component was excruciatingly painful, I am hoping that in the coming months that it will take up less and less of my time.

This week, my youngest son started preschool for those who missed the traditional cut-off.  The class is 90 minutes twice a week and the teachers are the same as my oldest son's first preschool teachers.  The youngest one did just fine and when you ask him if he likes school he smiles and nods his head yes.  It's amazing how different kids from one family - even those that are so close in age - can be.

It's not that my oldest boy hated school or had a hard time adjusting.  Instead, I think it had a lot to do with me and the anxiety and worry I had about him.  The anxiety had to do with the events that occurred right before our oldest started preschool.  It was not a fun time for me and the worry made it worse for everyone - especially my son.  But, what's done is done and school will be forever an anxious experience for our oldest.

This week ended with my birthday.  Yep, I am officially one year older and closer to my 40th birthday.  So far everyone who matters has called, texted, or e-mailed me birthday wishes.  May 2009 be the best year yet!

This Year I Will . . .

For Christmas this year I got a book, This Year I Will . . . How to Finally Change a Habit, Keep a Resolution, or Make a Dream Come True.  It's an easy read, but I've only been able to get through the first couple of chapters.  It's hard to read anything undisturbed around here.  Someone is always jumping on something or running or jumping off of something they shouldn't have been on in the first place.  The book looks promising and I especially like that it's not a "how I will stop doing something" book.

I haven't made any New Year's Resolutions for 2009, which is unlike years past.  But, this year I want to make a few large resolutions - one from each category (health, family, home, and career).  They all seem to be related and maybe I'll change my mind when it comes time to write them down.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas (or whatever holiday you celebrate) and a safe and peaceful New Year.  I'm certain that no matter where you are or what state of mind you're in, safe and peaceful holidays are always a good thing.

A Few of My Favorite Things

I don't care for raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens are all well and good, but they're not one of my favorite things.  I'm the kind of person whose favorite things are the toothy smiles of my boys and chocolate.  This past year, there are things that quickly become some of my favorite things.

• Day Frog, an indoor place to play for toddlers.  The boys love it and the hours ar awesome.

• Chicagoland Hobby where they have a huge selection of trains and other toys that the boys love.

• The Choo Choo Restaurant because the boys love this restaurant and eat everything on their plates when they're there.

• Polar Personal Trainer where you can track and load your workouts from your Polar heart rate monitor.

• Lifetime Fitness has awesome programs for the kids and the adults.  If you've been away from working out, there are a lot of programs that can help jump-start your return.  And, people from the gym will call you if you don't show up for you regular class.

2008 is almost over - thank GOD - and I'm sure that there will be more good things to come in 2009.

Million Dollar Skin on the Cheap

I will turn 40 sooner rather than later - * gasp * FORTY!!!  I never thought that I would be close to 40 only because I never thought I'd make it through my 30s.  I remember that I couldn't wait to turn 30 and leave the angst of my 20s behind and so far I've loved my 30s much more than my 20s.  Although, there were times when I wished that I were still in my 20s at times.

The one thing that I miss from my 20s besides my body is the skin that I had.  Back in my teens and 20s I had nearly flawless skin.  By flawless I mean that I almost never had a zit and if I did get one it would leave as mysteriously as it came.  In my early 30s I noticed that my skin would get a zit but it would leave a mark and by the time the boys came around, every zit I seemed to get would leave a mark.

I used to love that a bottle of base or a tube of concealer would last me years, but lately that hasn't been the case.  I'm finding that concealer and sometimes base are things that I put on with regularity.  So, finally I bit the bullet and talked to my esthetician about trying to get rid of the spots, or hyper pigmentation as it is called.  I started using Obagi which cost an arm and a leg and made me break out even more.

So, not only was I poorer for buying the stuff, but my skin was worse off.  It was my esthetician who actually told me NOT to use the product, but someone I know had used it and had terrific results so I didn't listen to her.  When I did finally listen to her she told me to exfoliate with honey and corn meal and to tone with vinegar.  At first I thought she was crazy, but I was willing to try anything.

For the past 2 months I've been using white vinegar in the morning and in the evenings after I wash my face.  Every other evening use a tablespoon of corn meal and a tablespoon of honey with a little water and exfoliate my face.  The spots are actually going away!  It helps that I go in for facials every 6 weeks, but still - the total cost of the exfoliating and toning regime is less than $10.00!  Yeah, I use pretty expensive sun screen and the facials aren't cheap but still I would have used the sunscreen and gone to see my esthetician anyway so to me it's a sunk cost.

Apparently egg whites are good for minimizing pores.  I haven't gotten to that point yet but trust me, I will definitely start whipping up some egg whites when the time comes!

Forever Young (and Intelligent?)

My father used to tell me when I was a kid that I should study hard and make sure that I got good grades because the key to my happiness was success.  He used to tell me not to worry about the way I looked that all that mattered was how smart I was.  "Beauty fades, but stupid is forever." is one of the ever-present mantras that I heard growing up.

My father was not always right and in this particular case I would say that he was most definitely wrong.  See, I am smart and I do have intelligence (and luckily I am not hideously ugly).  However, those that are attractive and not particularly smart are often given the benefit of the doubt.  As recent as a few months ago I went on a round of interviews and found that it was relatively easy for me to get a job offer in these hard times.  I know that it is because my resume is impeccable and I have worked hard to manage my career. 

But, I also know that it is partially because I have "good customer facing" skills.  Good customer facing skills is the acceptable code word for "not ugly" in the consulting world.  I've worked 8 years in the consulting world and I know that this is the case because I have seen many very qualified co-workers get passed up for a gig in favor of another less qualified co-worker (albeit better looking). 

In 1992 when I was graduating fro college, jobs were hard to come by and I was interviewing for an entry-level audit position at almost every big accounting firm and mid-sized accounting firm in the Chicagoland area.  I had a great resume that included an accounting internship (the experience) and I had nearly a 4.0 grade point average (the grades that they wanted), but yet I had a difficult time getting a job.  I was charming and funny and had good matters, but when it came down to it there was one thing that kept me from getting hired; it was my "customer facing skills".

I had braces back then and they thought that it didn't look good.  Seriously, I was told that.  After I landed a job - the perfect one for me I might add - I ran into a couple of the recruiters from a couple of the companies I interviewed for at a "college night" type of gathering.  I asked why it was difficult for me to find a job and they came out and said it was because of the braces.  Apparently at the time, I didn't have the "good customer facing" skills that I have now.

It's a scary to think that perception of one's ability to do a job and be successful at it relates to something that you have little to no control over.  It's sad, but true.  I'm not saying that everyone is like this and I would like to think that if I were in a situation where I would have to pick one person over another for a job and both were equally qualified by not equally attractive, that I would pick the person not based on their looks.  What I'm learning as I near the age of 40 is that I feel the pressure to keep myself as "not ugly" on the outside as well as keeping my skills up to date.  It's a daunting task at times and I'm sure that it will become harder and harder as time goes by.

In an article in the Economist, it was said that there is a premium in terms of pay for those that are considered beautiful and a penalty for those that are not.  In terms of biology, beauty is considered a marker for other characteristics such as health and intelligence.  Being "beautiful" provides "opportunities denied to the ugly, which allows them to learn things and make connections that increase their value still further."  And, in the "beauty" stuff relates to politicians and elections.  Yeah - wow!  Chew on that for a while.

Settling In

This is the time of year that I love because it's so much cooler.  I call it "lipstick, boot, and sweater weather" because, well, that's what I wear during this weather.  Lately, I've been grousing about work and dealing with personal things but this week I've been so busy at work that I've had little time to think about the things I'd been grousing about.  Funny how that works.

I've just completed my 3rd "official" week as a traditional employee and so far so good.  I'm even getting used to having an office - although when I schedule meetings, I indicate that the location is "Irene's desk".  I finally got the 2 pictures that I ordered from Art.com and they're now hanging in my office.  Plus, this week a tree (now named Winston) is sharing my space as well as 2 finger paintings from each of my sons.  Overall, I'd say that the space has taken on more of my personality.

And, things are settling down at work - or at least I'm settling down at work and getting used to juggling the craziness.

I'm Not So Nice

Thanks Amy for the quiz.

You Are a Koala

You look cute, but there's nothing cute about the way you act. You're a total brat. You like to be left alone, and if someone doesn't respect that, you are downright vicious. You do your own thing... so much so that you tend to be pretty indifferent to those around you. It is difficult for you to form emotional bonds with people - even if they want to form bonds with you.

What Animal Are You?

Shoe Store Behavior

Women and shoes are like peanut butter and jelly.  I used to kid that I loved shoes so much because I'm Filipino and Imelda Marcos and I are of the same people.  Today I went to DSW and I actually bought something.  Normally, I go to that store and come out with nothing, nada, zip.  I guess I'm really picky about my shoes.

Anyway, I spent about 45 minutes looking at the shoes and tried about 10 pairs of shoes on - all black, all pointy toed, and all with at least 2 1/4 inch heels.  I'm nothing if I'm not predictable.  I found 2 pairs of shoes and started down the boot aisle before I realized that I would never leave that place if I started on the boots.  After all, it is boot, lipstick, and sweater season (fall).

While I was at the store I observed some interesting behavior of my fellow shoppers.  In one aisle there was a girl about the age of 14 who was sitting in a chair with her Crocs (ugh - so ugly) on.  She was playing a video game on one of those portable game things and complaining to her mother how much she hated shoes.  I swear I almost fell over!  Her mother just looked at me, rolled her eyes and said, "I used to be like that until I turned 15 or 16 and then you couldn't get me out of the shoe departments."

Then, in the next aisle there was a couple - the girl was looking for shoes and her guy was grabbing the shoe horns and anything he could get his hands on.  He made quite the scene when he pulled the box of footies on the floor and started tossing them around like they were rubber bands.  I don't think the girl could have run away from him fast enough.

While I was in the check out line, I noticed that there was a woman who had at least 10 pairs of shoes.  All of the shoes were the exact same shoe in the exact same size.  Either she just loved, LOVED, LOVED those shoes or she was buying shoes for a wedding party whose participants were all the same exact size (10 M).  I'm thinking that it's the former and not the later.  By the time I left, I had purchased 2 pairs of shoes for the price that I would have paid had I purchased them at Nordstroms.  But, I doubt that I would have had as much fun buying them at Nordstroms.

Because I'm So Good at Talking

So today I had an interview at a consulting company.  Some people can't stay away from casinos or spas, but in my case, I cannot seem to stay away from interviewing with consulting companies.  I am asked on numerous occasions what I like so much about consulting and my answer is always the same.  I love the fast paced environment; I love that I am always learning; and I love that I am expected to add value at the client site; and most importantly I genuinely like my clients.  It's cheesy but true - even those clients that drive me crazy.

It's such a true statement that I've managed to keep in touch with at least one person from every client that I've worked with.  And, I don't keep in touch with them for more business either.  I keep in touch with them because after spending anywhere from 3 months to 18 months with them, I genuinely like them.  In the time that I've spent with them, I've gotten to know them as people and hopefully they've gotten to know me.

The feedback I got from the interview was that the people I spoke to really liked me.  Or, so the recruiter says.  I spoke to David and told him about the feedback I received and David said that I was good at interviewing because I had so much practice.  When I asked him what he meant by that, he said, "You're good at interviewing because you're so good at talking."  Hmmm - now that's an interesting way of looking at it.

Down Came the Rain Again and Again and Again

It's been raining like crazy here in the Chicagoland area.  I was about to type Chicago, but I forget that I'm in the 'burbs and the suburb I happen to live in has a history of flooding.  Luckily, we live near a major intersection and our street does not flood.  Unluckily for my sister, her street is completely flooded and the water level on the sidewalk an hour or so ago was ankle deep.  She told me that the water was half way up her driveway.

All this weather is compliments of Hurricane Ike.  Even though Ike is down in Texas, the impact to the weather can be felt all the way in Illinois.  There are many things that frustrate me about having a house.  There's the cost of upkeep and the fact that there is always a possibility that the basement will flood.  Then, there is the fact that we purchased my parents' house and a lot (and I mean a lot) of their stuff is still in our basement.

Part of me wants to lie and say that the basement flooded and all their stuff is ruined, but I find it hard to lie.  On the other hand, there is more of their junk filling up the basement than our stuff.  Tempting - so tempting.  Normal logic would tell me to tell them to take their stuff out of the basement, but I've tried that and it hasn't helped.  If anything it made things more tense.

So let me ask you - would you just tell them that the basement flooded and their stuff was gone?  Seriously, I am asking.  The stuff that is down there are things that are worth nothing (mostly paper) in the worst garage sale.  So, really, what would you do?

It's That Time of Year, I Guess

Yes, folks it's that time of the year again.  The time when I decide to change jobs - again.  In the past, I've written about changing jobs here in October, 2007 and again here in September, 2006 and I'm sure I would have changed jobs in 2005 but I was too busy being pregnant with my youngest son.  However, I did change jobs in October, 2004 right after I had my first son and decided that I couldn't go back on the road. 

And, even though the multiple job changes seem ridiculous - with the exception of the one back in October, 2004 - none of them have been mistakes.  Each one has given me the opportunity to either meet someone who would eventually help me out with my next job search or meet someone who I have been able to help with their job search.

So today I gave my current company notice and I'd say that I'm right on schedule.  I'm hoping not to have a repeat of this situation next year, but I'm not going to say never.  I'm finishing out the contract with my current client before I go off and start my new job which I won't be discussing here.  In a time when jobs are scarce, I have to say that I know how lucky I am.  I am lucky that I am able to change jobs when the work situation I am currently in has stopped working for me.  I also know that I have taken great pains to make sure that my background and work experience is very well rounded.

By this I mean, the time that I've spent maintaining my contacts; the time and financial burden I've taken on to pay for my advanced degree; and most recently the time and financial expense that I've taken on to earn a certification.  I honestly never thought that when one of my managers from my first job out of college told me to "manage my career" that I would take that piece of advice as seriously as I have.  I may not do a lot of things right, but I know that I've managed my career well.  Sometimes with all the drama going on, I forget that.

Lessons Learned

I've had some time to think about the events of late and even though they haven't been the happiest days of my life, I realize that there are some good things that have come out of it all.  After all, it just wouldn't be like me to NOT try to find something good in all this stuff. 

A year ago, we were packing up our home in Chicago and moving out to the "Temp House" in a nearby suburb.  It's been a long journey since then and the past 2 days have merely been a blip.  If I can survive selling a house in a crappy market, dealing with my son's very first days of preschool, moving into a house WITHOUT movers and then hiring some to move the rest of our crap, then all this stuff is a day at the beach.  So, what can I take away from all of this?

• Always try to find the humor in the bad stuff: The funny in the events of late are that when I spoke about how annoyed I was with my company, they offered me a promotion.  When I told them I wasn't interested, they offered me a "second in command" position within my practice.  My husband sent my oldest son commando to preschool when the boy wasn't completely potty trained.  Seriously, it's all funny - you can't make this stuff up!
• I did a great job of managing my career: Former clients have contacted me and would like to hire me.  One of my clients has a position for an IT Finance Manager job that they were trying to get their Accounting department to fund but refused.  When my resume was floated past the Accounting department for review, they changed their minds about funding it and wanted to hire me.  In a time where unemployment is up, my prospects for a new job are actually pretty good because I've worked to make sure that my skills are up to date and my background is "well rounded."
• Times like these make you realize what's important: I am not a saint and I'm angry at my husband for making the "father faux pas" that he did with my oldest son - the underpants incident.  But at the end of the day, my concern is for my sons.  Their needs of happiness, safety, and security take precedence over anything else and the other stuff is just not as pressing.  When you have a goal to focus on, you realize that it's easier to prioritize life.
• I hate being a bitch: I am actually a nice person.  I don't get off on being mean and belligerent.  I'd rather not tell the partners of the consulting company I work for that they're leadership skills are laking and I don't take joy in calling them names.  It may be a little Pollyanna-like, but I truly believe that people should be truthful and honest and they should do what they actually say that their going to do and act the way that they should.
• Know your self worth: I can't go into the details of this one.  Actually, I didn't write about what was going on with this and I probably never will.  But, suffice it to say that if you expect people to treat you a certain way because you don't think you're worthwhile, then they will treat you that way.  It's sad but true.  Every girl/woman should know their own worth and shouldn't compromise.

So, these past few days have not been a complete loss.  Although, it's not Monday yet and who knows what this coming week holds for me.  Whatever it may happen, I hope that I can hold it together and get through it with some grace and dignity.

Back To School and I'm Not Ready

Tomorrow is my oldest son's official first day of preschool.  We're trying something new this year and splitting his time between his old preschool at the local park district and a nearby Catholic preschool.  One of the preschools is a 3 year old program and the other a 4 year old program.  The plan is to gradually move him into a 4 year old program.  Given that his birthday is right on the cut-off date, David and I are trying to decide if he will be ready for Kindergarten next year.

Last year, I wrote about Nick's preschool experience and I think it was harder on me than it was on him.  This year, I am trying to make the first day of school a non-event but I'm finding it hard.  When I was school aged, I loved, LOVED school and I still do.  But, with last year's events I have started dreading the first day of school.  I worry about how our son will do socially.  I worry that I will be told by his preschool teacher that he's just not ready for preschool.  I worry that the "developmental delays" that the "experts" seem to see (and I don't - not really) will make it hard for him.

But, I also know that I cannot protect my child from every little thing and I just need to toughen up and let go.  I worry and I can't help it because ever since the events that took place over a year ago, I question EVERYTHING that I do and EVERY decision I make.  I worry that I'm not a good mother.  I know that it sounds extreme but our little family has been through a lot.  2007 was not a stellar year for us and 2008 has been a little better, but not much.

With the exception of the work situation shifting yet again (marketing person at the consulting company I work for getting laid off along with some other folks and my company withholding payment to subcontractors even though clients are paying the invoices related to these subcontractors), things seem to have the potential of settling down now that we're in a permanent house.  Seriously bad things seem to be happening at my company and I wonder when I will get the phone call that my company is no more.

But for now, I need to get over the hurdle of the first day of preschool.  I will probably hold my breath until the first full week of school and maybe into October.  I am that uneasy about it and I am that unready for it.

He's Just Not That Into You

For whatever reason, I started reading (okay, listening) to He's Just Not That Into You.  Reading it made me realize the crap that I put myself through during my dating years and even through the early years of being married.  Yes, I know it sounds strange that I would say that it applied to the first couple years of being married but it's true.

Even though the book is about dating and how single women make excuses for the guys that they're dating, it can also apply to someone you are married to.  Or, at least I think that it can be.  By this I mean that you can be married to someone and they can just not be as interested in you as you are as them.  It's a cold and cruel thought, but I can honestly say that not only did David ignore me, but I ignored him equally as much back.  How could I know or even think this?

Because anybody who actually knew us, sometimes commented that we didn't act like a couple.  If we went out to a bar or party, usually we would end up on opposite sides of the room having conversations with 2 different people.  Sure we would walk into the place together and walk out together but usually we pretty much went our separate ways.  I realize that this happens to other couples, but then there were times that we would each go out with friends without each other.  Seriously, the times that we were together you could probably count on one hand.

It stopped being like that gradually and more-so now then ever we do things together.  However, listening to that book made me realize that husbands and wives can also "not be into each other" and it's okay.  Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

Self Worth from Within

On Wednesday during my night of drunken debauchery, the 4 of us (all women) were talking about men.  Specifically men in our lives.  Two of my co-workers aren't married but are in dating relationships, or maybe I should have said WERE in dating relationships.  Currently, both are experiencing turmoil in the form of both of the men wanting to take "a break."  Honestly, I don't think that the term "taking a break" was really even a term until the whole Friends "taking a break" story line aired.

Even so, I have watched both of my co-workers - both who are BEAUTIFUL women fall apart.  Comments such as, "I cannot believe that I invested years with him" and "If I just hang on maybe . . .".  Both comments cause my stomach to churn because I don't think that their guys are going to change and there's a greater likelihood that the whole thing will turn out badly.

So, why do I bring this up?  Because to a large extent women (myself included) base their self-worth on external factors such as how they look or who is or is not paying attention to them.  It's sad, but it's true.  How many times have I written about the stresses at work and how I don't feel attractive when in reality I should have a sense of self-worth from within.  The fact that I am smart and funny and have a wonderful resume that shows my work accomplishments should be enough, but it's not.  I'm not just talking about me because there are hundreds if not thousands of us that feel that way.

In the late 1990s there was this whole "Girl Power" thing going on and it's a great idea.  The thought that we - as women and as a society - should teach our young girls to actually like themselves is a wonderful concept.  I think that because I have boys I really haven't paid attention to what has become of the "Girl Power" thing.

I am hoping that it is different from the strong women mindset that I grew up with,  The one I grew up with talked about how I could be a wife and a mother and a working person; the concept of "having it all."  But, it never seemed to take into account how exhausting and UNfulfilling that could be at times.  From what I remember the "Girl Power" thing was more in line with that you could have it all if you wanted but it was more a celebration of being a girl and self-acceptance.

I don't know what will happen with my co-workers relationships, but whatever the outcome I hope that they realize how truly amazing and beautiful they are.  And, I hope for myself that I learn to see my own self-worth.

The Very Long Week

This week has been crammed full of excitement and craziness.  Next week will be worse because school starts, it's the week before Labor Day, and all the things that I have been putting off because I've been heads down studying will need to be taken care of.  I dread this weekend only because it means that I will be cleaning like a fiend.  For some wacky reason toilets just don't seem to clean themselves and really - they should.

What exactly made this week so crazy?  Let's see - there was stressing out about the test, taking the test, passing the test - only to come home to clean the living room.  Then, there was drunken debauchery, getting sick near the Monroe Street bridge, talking about things that should not be discussed in co-worker company, and then trying to pull myself together so I could function.  Lastly, there was a phone conversation with a recruiter to prep for a phone interview last night.

It's early Friday morning - Lord only knows what today will bring.  I'm hoping good things and maybe (yes maybe) a self-cleaning toilet.

Stupid Thing #1

This is going to be short, mainly because I am hung-over.  Yes I did something irresponsible last night.  I went out and drank to excess.  My client took me out for dinner and drinks to celebrate passing the certification exam that has been stressing me out.  And because I was told that I don't know how to "bask" in my achievements and because I was blowing off some excess steam and more importantly, because I was being irresponsible, I am now paying the price with a very, VERY bad hangover.

It will only get worse today because I will be at home with 2 very loud toddlers.  I am working from home the first part of today because David and I have a meeting with our oldest son's speech and occupational therapists to discuss his progress.  I am in pain now, but have to be in "normal, functioning, Irene form" by noon today.  I have no idea how I'm going to get there.

Naughty Thoughts

Every once in a while I will have a "naughty" dream.  Come on - I'm human; it happens.  And, don't deny that it hasn't happened to you.  For some strange reason you have a dream where you're making out with someone who isn't your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever.  It's not like it's intentional because you don't consciously tell yourself before you go to bed that you're going to have a dream where you're cheating on your significant other.

When was the last time I had such a dream?  I have no idea because lately I'm not sleeping and most of my dreams are about running late to a final for a class that I've registered for but have NEVER attended.  Those dreams absolutely suck!  But back to the topic at hand.  I can't remember the last time I had such a dream, but I know that I have had them in the 11 years that I've been married to David.  Here is the question that is weighing on my mind.  Why is it okay to admit that you've had a dream where you're not with your significant other but it's NOT okay to admit that you've had thoughts wondering what it's like to not be with your significant other?

I ask this because there is someone that I work with that has had extra-marital affairs.  It happens because this person doesn't get the "sexy business" at home on a regular basis.  Regular basis meaning at least once a month.  How do I know this?  Because the topic came up one night as all of us (about 7 of us) went out for a drink after work.

So co-worker, M, has had 2 extra marital affairs and another co-worker admitted to thinking about what it was like to have an extra marital affair.  They'll probably never hook up because they're both the same gender.  The topic of conversation came up during an "I never" game (I never . . . you fill in the blank . . .).  I believe the I never was something like, "I never have dreams having 'sexy business' with my significant other." or "I have never cheated on my siginficant other."

I realize that actually having an extra-marital affair is wrong, but is thinking about it just as wrong and why?  The co-worker who admitted to thinking about what it was like to have an affair was blasted the same way as the co-worker who actually had a couple was.  It was interesting to see and drove the point home that (1) you don't actually share this type of information with co-workers and (2) chances are everyone has deviant thoughts to some degree but you should keep those thoughts to yourself.

Ugh - I've Been Called "Cute"

Recently I wrote a post about how I felt about NOT feeling attractive anymore.  When I re-read what I wrote, I realized that I do care that I don't feel attractive anymore.  I probably felt bad for more than the 5 seconds that I admitted to in the post I wrote.  So, what brought on the change of heart for me?

I haven't really been taking care of myself since even before the boys came around and the last time that I really worked out and tried to live a healthier lifestyle (before more recent events) was from 1997 to 1998.  That's a whole decade ago.  Now that I have more "grown up" pressures and responsibilities, I think that it's high time that I took better care of myself.  And, I have been.

In the past 4 months or so I have lost a little over 20 pounds and 5% body fat.  Although I have a long way to go, I do feel better about myself.  I've even taken the metabolic test again - the one that I wrote about in an April post - to see how I've improved over the past 4 months.  The results were impressive and I'm proud of the progress I've made.

Apparently people around me that I see everyday are starting to notice a change too and I've gotten some nice compliments.  I've also received some constructive criticism such as, "You're super cute - why don't you dress better?"  I appreciate the constructive criticism and have tried to take it to heart, but the "super cute" part of the comment made me want to gag up my lunch and a lung.  Eeeeew!  Cute is for things like bunny rabbits and babies.  Things that are fluffy and round.  And, I so don't want to be ROUND anymore.  I've never been fluffy before and don't want to start now.   I suppose if I keep doing what I'm doing, maybe one day I will be "hot" or "beautiful" - or at least my outsides will be.